What are the cons to not finding out the gender?

[Anonymous]

I could not imagine wanting to find out the sex of my 3 kids. I ended up with 2 boys and a girl. Gender reveal? That's called birth. Greatest 3 moments of my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people who don't find out are often expecting a special moment where the doctor says, "It's a _______.". But both of my babies' births were unexpectedly traumatic with dozens of people in the room, yelling, and a blue, limp non-breathing baby who is hustled to the NICU. I was also at risk with heavy bleeding, so far from completely lucid.

We had the doctor write down the gender after NIPT and put it in an envelope. We opened it over dinner and got to celebrate together. Then we sent blue or pink flowers to the grandparents and great grandparents, who called us so so happily when they received the news.

We didn't get a ton of overly gendered presents. We were having a girl, so one aunt made a few sweet baby dresses by hand. Another great aunt made a sweet baby quilt with pink, blue and yellow flowers.

I really hate all of the guessing conversations that seem to come when someone doesn't find out the gender. It always seems to be the only thing anyone wants to talk about, when it's the least of the life change that is happening.

My birth was unexpectedly traumatic and we still got the special moment when DH told me "It's a girl." He told me later it was the best moment of his life, which I was a little surprised by (he wanted to find out earlier, although he didn't feel strongly about it). I'm truly sorry your births went terribly and what you're describing sounds terrifying, but I don't really understand what that has to do with finding out the sex before or at birth.

I think it could be relevant for op as a con if one of the big pros for her is picturing the big reveal at birth and it being super special. I’m so glad it was for you, but I had a friend who waited and had a traumatic first birth and didn’t have the moment she hoped for. She ended up finding out for future pregnancies.

I think the downside is just that it CAN for some feel very connecting to find out. It was for me for both pregnancies. And it is just a lot of fun. But it will be fun any time! I totally can see ir being so special at birth (though I also had two babies to the NICU so think I also would have been not very concerned with the sex)

I personally think this is TOTALLY a personality thing and if you’re someone that thrives living in the gray then great go for it! Like another poster said you would ace the marshmallow test and I would not!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people who don't find out are often expecting a special moment where the doctor says, "It's a _______.". But both of my babies' births were unexpectedly traumatic with dozens of people in the room, yelling, and a blue, limp non-breathing baby who is hustled to the NICU. I was also at risk with heavy bleeding, so far from completely lucid.

We had the doctor write down the gender after NIPT and put it in an envelope. We opened it over dinner and got to celebrate together. Then we sent blue or pink flowers to the grandparents and great grandparents, who called us so so happily when they received the news.

We didn't get a ton of overly gendered presents. We were having a girl, so one aunt made a few sweet baby dresses by hand. Another great aunt made a sweet baby quilt with pink, blue and yellow flowers.

I really hate all of the guessing conversations that seem to come when someone doesn't find out the gender. It always seems to be the only thing anyone wants to talk about, when it's the least of the life change that is happening.

I’m sorry that happened to you. But when all goes right, the “It’s a boy!” Or “It’s a girl!l moment is one you never forget.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of late teens looking back, I’m glad I knew their genders in advance. If only because it allowed me to settle on a name and think of our child as “(name)”. It would have felt arbitrary not to know - something for the parents rather than the child.

[Anonymous]

I think the con as someone who is high risk is that you stress out the ultrasound techs. I had a lot of scans with my first (over 20), and I had a few techs tell me that it's frustrating for them when the parents are trying to be surprised and that gets in the way of doing their jobs. To them, they can see the baby's sex clear as day and if they are trying to image the baby's kidneys and the genitals are in the picture, that can be stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the con as someone who is high risk is that you stress out the ultrasound techs. I had a lot of scans with my first (over 20), and I had a few techs tell me that it's frustrating for them when the parents are trying to be surprised and that gets in the way of doing their jobs. To them, they can see the baby's sex clear as day and if they are trying to image the baby's kidneys and the genitals are in the picture, that can be stressful.

Those techs sound unprofessional. As the mom it's on you to look away if you don't want to know too much, but the only thing you're asking the techs to do is not announce anything, which is not stressful. I had more than the standard number of scans and the techs ranged from unbothered to excited that we didn't want to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the con as someone who is high risk is that you stress out the ultrasound techs. I had a lot of scans with my first (over 20), and I had a few techs tell me that it's frustrating for them when the parents are trying to be surprised and that gets in the way of doing their jobs. To them, they can see the baby's sex clear as day and if they are trying to image the baby's kidneys and the genitals are in the picture, that can be stressful.

Those techs sound unprofessional. As the mom it's on you to look away if you don't want to know too much, but the only thing you're asking the techs to do is not announce anything, which is not stressful. I had more than the standard number of scans and the techs ranged from unbothered to excited that we didn't want to find out.

NP here and techs told me the same thing. They weren’t unprofessional- just confiding that it was an extra layer of stress to remember to always say “baby” and not mention a gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t find out until DC was born AND I’m feeling a little snarky tonight, so take the following with a grain of salt:

Con: Suffering through condescending / self-congratulatory remarks from other newish moms along the lines of, “Oh, I’m such a planner, I just had to find out in advance!” (Implying I was not planning/preparing because I didn’t know the sex.)

Pro: The satisfaction of knowing you would ace the marshmallow test and that you’ll nurture this skill in your progeny.

I love this so much. Thanks for posting. The "I'm such a planner" is the dumbest thing I heard when I shared that we weren't finding out.

My OB was thrilled we weren't finding out, said there are so few true surprises in life. And I never had an ultrasound tech complain about us not wanting to know.

As other posters said, not knowing/not sharing means folks buy you practical things/what's on your registry, which was great.

[Anonymous]

I would have said no cons except I was present for my sisters delivery where they didn’t find out. And it was a second girl- and she had thought she didn’t care the sex of the baby but when it was a girl she started sobbing and asking her OB how long she had to wait before trying for a boy. Those were her words as he was likeC stitching up her tear!!! All hormonal of course and she has never mentioned those feelings again but I have to wonder if she’d have been happier to have processed that info ahead of time…. Instead of always having the memory of her daughter being born and her sobbing in disappointment

[Anonymous]

We also had a lot of testing done and it felt ridiculous and precious to try to avoid information about sex chromosomes when we were actively seeking information about so many other chromosomes. So we knew.

I can't remember whether we told anyone else. The sex wasn't that important to us...and the gender is still being revealed over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t find out until DC was born AND I’m feeling a little snarky tonight, so take the following with a grain of salt:

Con: Suffering through condescending / self-congratulatory remarks from other newish moms along the lines of, “Oh, I’m such a planner, I just had to find out in advance!” (Implying I was not planning/preparing because I didn’t know the sex.)

Pro: The satisfaction of knowing you would ace the marshmallow test and that you’ll nurture this skill in your progeny.

I love this so much. Thanks for posting. The "I'm such a planner" is the dumbest thing I heard when I shared that we weren't finding out.

My OB was thrilled we weren't finding out, said there are so few true surprises in life. And I never had an ultrasound tech complain about us not wanting to know.

As other posters said, not knowing/not sharing means folks buy you practical things/what's on your registry, which was great.

I am the ultimate planner and genuinely hate surprises but loved finding out at birth. Whatever suits you!

[Anonymous]

We waited with all 3.

The cons:
-grandparents were upset not knowing the gender. One even told me I was taking away her enjoyment in my pregnancy.
-when you don't know the gender, you imagine both in your mind. Even if you're 100% happy with either gender, you'll still feel a tiny bit of disappointment for the gender you didn't have once the baby is born. I was wrong with my guess with baby 1&2, with baby 3, I always thought she was a girl because I was so sick. I found enjoyment from imagining both a baby girl and a baby boy in my mind though.
-I had to have both a baby boy and a baby girl outfit ready in the hospital. Plus name lists for both.

I really enjoyed not knowing the gender though. I have no regrets. I see people on DCUM saying that people that don't tell the gender are drama lovers, but I felt the opposite. It was just for dh and I.

[Anonymous]

you will find out the gender much later, what you can learn at 40 weeks is the sex of the baby

[Anonymous]

My first 3 were boys, whom I found out the gender of.

#4, well that one had their legs crossed on every ultrasound! No one could tell. When she came out a girl, I almost didn't believe it because I had only boys.

The only drawback was we didn't have any girl looking clothes for the first two days. Family hit the stores and we had a cute girly going home outfit! Other than that-no drawbacks.

[Anonymous]

Our only con was at our 20 week scan they notice something to keep an eye on that is no big deal for one gender and a little bit more for the other.

I loved having the it's a boy moment, but we found out for #2 because of hand me downs and our battle over names!