How to answer family's questions about acceptances

[Anonymous]

"We don't want to get excited about options until we know for sure what we can afford." And then stare at the person for a good long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As others have said tell them you will share news once everything is final.

I found that talking about colleges prior to accepting was very similar to sharing a baby name before the baby has been born. People feel like they can give opinions/judgments if you haven't chosen yet. But once you make a final decision and share that choice MOST people will be happy for you and find something positive to say about the choice.

This is post-acceptance, though. It's more akin to waiting until you're sure the baby's going to live more than 30 days. That's a way harder sell to family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 11:46. I'm the PP who guessed this is a young man looking at the service academies. OP referenced 3/5, and there are five service academies. In my case, it was #2. I had an appointment, and it was rescinded when I failed the medical exam which uncovered an issue never before diagnosed.

I applaud OP supporting her son's desire to keep this low key, since I'm sure the ups and downs of interacting with well-meaning family may add to his stress. That might not be how others handle it, but if that's what's best for this applicant, she should do her best to ask the family to respect that.

I’m PP, I agree with your take completely.

I really prefer the Lebron approach where you make one announcement once the commitments have all been signed and you don’t take questions.

This is where I’m going, thanks for your support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you people have the craziest families.

NP, but I can totally see how this would happen in a UVA AND VT family. The likely good natured and well intentioned lobbying starts and the kid feels pressure, no matter how many times we tell them they should make the decision that’s right for them. It is not crazy. Kids are under enormous pressure and they want to make the people who care about them happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you people have the craziest families.

NP, but I can totally see how this would happen in a UVA AND VT family. The likely good natured and well intentioned lobbying starts and the kid feels pressure, no matter how many times we tell them they should make the decision that’s right for them. It is not crazy. Kids are under enormous pressure and they want to make the people who care about them happy.

OP here. This isn't that kind of crazy, thankfully. Kid is just worried about announcing an acceptance to his dream school then having it pulled after everyone's been spun up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Like i said, it's a close-knit community. They're excited.

Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Like i said, it's a close-knit community. They're excited.

Sure.

Limited worldview, right here.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand your concerns. But with your family, wouldn't they be able to appreciate that acceptances/appointments are just the first step in a longer process? Seems like ahead of time you could lay the groundwork: "We will be thrilled if s/he gets the acceptances/appointments, but that's really just the first step, and there are a lot of other potential factors / puzzle pieces that have to fall in line before we will know where s/he will actually enroll. So no matter what we hear, we are going to keep it quiet until the process plays out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your concerns. But with your family, wouldn't they be able to appreciate that acceptances/appointments are just the first step in a longer process? Seems like ahead of time you could lay the groundwork: "We will be thrilled if s/he gets the acceptances/appointments, but that's really just the first step, and there are a lot of other potential factors / puzzle pieces that have to fall in line before we will know where s/he will actually enroll. So no matter what we hear, we are going to keep it quiet until the process plays out."

Yes, they would understand. I guess honesty works best here, huh? It's just been an overwhelming process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Like i said, it's a close-knit community. They're excited.

Sure.

They're not as excited as they are competitive. They don't actually care where the kid goes. They want to compare to see if their kids did or will do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Like i said, it's a close-knit community. They're excited.

Sure.

They're not as excited as they are competitive. They don't actually care where the kid goes. They want to compare to see if their kids did or will do better.

Not in this case - no other kids applying this year. They're hoping he'll pick their school, but they'll be thrilled for any acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 11:46. I'm the PP who guessed this is a young man looking at the service academies. OP referenced 3/5, and there are five service academies. In my case, it was #2. I had an appointment, and it was rescinded when I failed the medical exam which uncovered an issue never before diagnosed.

I applaud OP supporting her son's desire to keep this low key, since I'm sure the ups and downs of interacting with well-meaning family may add to his stress. That might not be how others handle it, but if that's what's best for this applicant, she should do her best to ask the family to respect that.

Since it's out, yes. He's applying to all five but knows there are more hurdles to jump through even if he's accepted to just one (and depending on which, he still might turn it down, depending on how he ultimately feels and how the safeties come in). But really, the last thing we want is to get everyone spun up then have something show up on the medical exam. Unfortunately, we have Academy grads in our family, and they're kind of (and I mean this in the most loving way) nuts.

+1

Academy, military and state school families lose their collective sh&t over certain things, and college acceptances are one of them, OP. Smart to keep everything quiet until the final decision has been made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 11:46. I'm the PP who guessed this is a young man looking at the service academies. OP referenced 3/5, and there are five service academies. In my case, it was #2. I had an appointment, and it was rescinded when I failed the medical exam which uncovered an issue never before diagnosed.

I applaud OP supporting her son's desire to keep this low key, since I'm sure the ups and downs of interacting with well-meaning family may add to his stress. That might not be how others handle it, but if that's what's best for this applicant, she should do her best to ask the family to respect that.

Since it's out, yes. He's applying to all five but knows there are more hurdles to jump through even if he's accepted to just one (and depending on which, he still might turn it down, depending on how he ultimately feels and how the safeties come in). But really, the last thing we want is to get everyone spun up then have something show up on the medical exam. Unfortunately, we have Academy grads in our family, and they're kind of (and I mean this in the most loving way) nuts.

+1

Academy, military and state school families lose their collective sh&t over certain things, and college acceptances are one of them, OP. Smart to keep everything quiet until the final decision has been made.

State schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you people have the craziest families.

NP, but I can totally see how this would happen in a UVA AND VT family. The likely good natured and well intentioned lobbying starts and the kid feels pressure, no matter how many times we tell them they should make the decision that’s right for them. It is not crazy. Kids are under enormous pressure and they want to make the people who care about them happy.

OP here. This isn't that kind of crazy, thankfully. Kid is just worried about announcing an acceptance to his dream school then having it pulled after everyone's been spun up.

Can’t he just tell them - hey, I got in but there is a caveat so let’s see how it all shakes out. That is what we would do with my family. We would just be open about the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid has an extremely valid reason for not announcing a specific acceptance right away. Unfortunately, close family and friends are already starting to ask how the application process is going. Some have been through this specific process before and are very familiar with the requirements, deadlines, etc. They will know when a particular school(s) announced. Is there a polite way to put them off? They just want to celebrate, but kid wants to make sure they're not celebrating too early.

Just say he wants it to be a surprise reveal. People do that for babies all the time so why announce whole process of college admissions.