How to answer family's questions about acceptances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Like i said, it's a close-knit community. They're excited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS has the same issue. I have encouraged him to keep everything quiet until he decides where to go. That is what we'll tell people too. Especially relatives.

Yeah, that's the problem - he knows which acceptance he'll take, and everyone else suspects, but the acceptance isn't the end. Attending isn't a guarantee if he's admitted.

This is family, right? Family that you love and who loves you and your kid? If that’s the case, *if it were us* I would just be honest. “He’s at the xyz stage, still hoping for blah blah but don’t know how things will turn out becaise of blah blah.”

The other vague responses are for people with whom you are not particularly close or there’s some issue about competition or something else that leads you to hold them at arms’ length.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

DP, maybe not normal for your family but mine was the same way when I was applying to the service academies. Close-knit military family were all excited and proud. Families are different.

[Anonymous]

Say it once. You are supporting your daughter's decision to not make an announcement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS has the same issue. I have encouraged him to keep everything quiet until he decides where to go. That is what we'll tell people too. Especially relatives.

Yeah, that's the problem - he knows which acceptance he'll take, and everyone else suspects, but the acceptance isn't the end. Attending isn't a guarantee if he's admitted.

This is family, right? Family that you love and who loves you and your kid? If that’s the case, *if it were us* I would just be honest. “He’s at the xyz stage, still hoping for blah blah but don’t know how things will turn out becaise of blah blah.”

The other vague responses are for people with whom you are not particularly close or there’s some issue about competition or something else that leads you to hold them at arms’ length.

I feel like that leads to a lot of disappointment and questions if things don't work out, you know? You're probably right, but...

[Anonymous]

I told my siblings. Nobody else in my friend group would have pushed so didn't have that issue. But I told tightest circle - we all had kids applying to same schools. not sure what the big secret is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like perhaps a young person going through the process to be nominated and then appointed to a service academy. Many steps and points at which the process could end along the way.

I agree that you can just say that the college process is stressful and rather than constantly being on the rollercoaster, DS has said he wants to wait and share his college news once he's made a final acceptance decision. Family members who care may find that hard but hopefully you can support your DS and simply keep repeating on his behalf that it's his preference not to discuss it.

Thanks, this is really helpful. They're definitely just excited, but their excitement is making things worse on everyone.

either he got in (yay! still deciding) or he didn't (boo! but lots of opportunities lie ahead)

[Anonymous]

I'm not pushing for details from the OP but I'm curious about what circumstances might lead a kid to not share their decision. At this point in the process, the only kids with acceptances applied ED, right?

So, presumably to their top choice?

I guess I can imagine a kid whose family ALL went to a certain school, let's say Michigan. the child got in there, but is waiting to hear from their heart's truest love, Ohio State.

I guess in that case they might not announce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my siblings. Nobody else in my friend group would have pushed so didn't have that issue. But I told tightest circle - we all had kids applying to same schools. not sure what the big secret is

Admission ≠ attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS has the same issue. I have encouraged him to keep everything quiet until he decides where to go. That is what we'll tell people too. Especially relatives.

Yeah, that's the problem - he knows which acceptance he'll take, and everyone else suspects, but the acceptance isn't the end. Attending isn't a guarantee if he's admitted.

This is family, right? Family that you love and who loves you and your kid? If that’s the case, *if it were us* I would just be honest. “He’s at the xyz stage, still hoping for blah blah but don’t know how things will turn out becaise of blah blah.”

The other vague responses are for people with whom you are not particularly close or there’s some issue about competition or something else that leads you to hold them at arms’ length.

+1. I don't understand why you can't share with your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If OP, her kid, and their extended family weren’t all obsessed with colleges this wouldn’t be an issue. It’s sad.

We're...not obsessed. Not at all.

I say this kindly, but it's how you come across. It's not a normal family dynamic.

Its entirely normal. go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my siblings. Nobody else in my friend group would have pushed so didn't have that issue. But I told tightest circle - we all had kids applying to same schools. not sure what the big secret is

Admission ≠ attendance.

of course. I told my siblings where my kids got in and where they did not. I heard the same from my siblings. Usually in a round up kinda email, but .. for sure I heard about my nephews likely letter to Dartmouth in real time. He ended up at Princeton. I heard when my niece was deferred at CMU, which was a bit of a gut punch, but made the celebration when she got into MIT even more sweet. Our family knows how this all works. Sounds like yours does too. My siblings and I are super close. Shit, I told them where my kids got into high school and where they didn't. I think a fair amount of this is random and doesnt say anything much about my kids or my siblings' kids.

[Anonymous]

Are you waiting to hear about Financial Aid or merit scholarships?