How to answer family's questions about acceptances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my siblings. Nobody else in my friend group would have pushed so didn't have that issue. But I told tightest circle - we all had kids applying to same schools. not sure what the big secret is

Admission ≠ attendance.

Could be lots of valid reasons you don’t want to discuss outside the immediate household.

- Admitted but not enough aid, can’t go.
- Physical exam for a service academy discovered unknown medical problem.
- Deferred and waiting to hear final final answer.
- Wants to make a personal choice of school that is suitable for the child but extended family will have a hard time understanding.

The last one was me. Nothing like having all your family at your high school graduation party tell you your choice was bad and you’ll never get a job, really supportive.

If you suspect people won’t be 100% supportive, it’s wise to keep it to yourself. It really hurt me to have everyone bad mouth my choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS has the same issue. I have encouraged him to keep everything quiet until he decides where to go. That is what we'll tell people too. Especially relatives.

Yeah, that's the problem - he knows which acceptance he'll take, and everyone else suspects, but the acceptance isn't the end. Attending isn't a guarantee if he's admitted.

This is family, right? Family that you love and who loves you and your kid? If that’s the case, *if it were us* I would just be honest. “He’s at the xyz stage, still hoping for blah blah but don’t know how things will turn out becaise of blah blah.”

The other vague responses are for people with whom you are not particularly close or there’s some issue about competition or something else that leads you to hold them at arms’ length.

I feel like that leads to a lot of disappointment and questions if things don't work out, you know? You're probably right, but...

Aren't they (family members) going to know everything at the end of the process anyway?

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 11:46. I'm the PP who guessed this is a young man looking at the service academies. OP referenced 3/5, and there are five service academies. In my case, it was #2. I had an appointment, and it was rescinded when I failed the medical exam which uncovered an issue never before diagnosed.

I applaud OP supporting her son's desire to keep this low key, since I'm sure the ups and downs of interacting with well-meaning family may add to his stress. That might not be how others handle it, but if that's what's best for this applicant, she should do her best to ask the family to respect that.

[Anonymous]

you people have the craziest families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simply say they’ve decided not to share until they’ve selected which school they will attend.

This, OP. Lots of kids handle it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you people have the craziest families.

Right? My family just says, “Congratulations! That is so exciting. Any idea what you want to study?” Or “You are going to have so much fun!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 11:46. I'm the PP who guessed this is a young man looking at the service academies. OP referenced 3/5, and there are five service academies. In my case, it was #2. I had an appointment, and it was rescinded when I failed the medical exam which uncovered an issue never before diagnosed.

I applaud OP supporting her son's desire to keep this low key, since I'm sure the ups and downs of interacting with well-meaning family may add to his stress. That might not be how others handle it, but if that's what's best for this applicant, she should do her best to ask the family to respect that.

Since it's out, yes. He's applying to all five but knows there are more hurdles to jump through even if he's accepted to just one (and depending on which, he still might turn it down, depending on how he ultimately feels and how the safeties come in). But really, the last thing we want is to get everyone spun up then have something show up on the medical exam. Unfortunately, we have Academy grads in our family, and they're kind of (and I mean this in the most loving way) nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you waiting to hear about Financial Aid or merit scholarships?

No, but this would definitely be a good reason to stay quiet until that's settled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you waiting to hear about Financial Aid or merit scholarships?

No, but this would definitely be a good reason to stay quiet until that's settled.

not in my "show me the money" family. they're ALL about going where the money makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you waiting to hear about Financial Aid or merit scholarships?

No, but this would definitely be a good reason to stay quiet until that's settled.

not in my "show me the money" family. they're ALL about going where the money makes sense.

That's the point. I completely understand keeping a fantastic acceptance under wraps until you know you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

I just share shit w the closest people in my life. They’re my kitchen cabinet. Some of this stuff is grey - “I get that Princeton is worth 90k, but am I wrong for wanting to vomit thinking about spending this on BC?” - and I want advice from people i trust

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just share shit w the closest people in my life. They’re my kitchen cabinet. Some of this stuff is grey - “I get that Princeton is worth 90k, but am I wrong for wanting to vomit thinking about spending this on BC?” - and I want advice from people i trust

what

[Anonymous]

As others have said tell them you will share news once everything is final.

I found that talking about colleges prior to accepting was very similar to sharing a baby name before the baby has been born. People feel like they can give opinions/judgments if you haven't chosen yet. But once you make a final decision and share that choice MOST people will be happy for you and find something positive to say about the choice.

[Anonymous]

It’s a great life and adulting lesson to learn to have boundaries with others and to keep things you’re not ready to share to yourself. People who press you on this are being rude/obtuse, and not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not at liberty to share at this time."


Two approaches: give the exact same reply every time to drill the point home for dullards, or choose from a librar of responses to keep it funny for people who can take a hint.