Is it normal for someone in their thirties to not be financially helping their parents?

[Anonymous]

Totally normal. I would be ashamed to take any money from my child, no matter how old he is. That's why I insist on working, making right investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost 80% take loans for college and almost 99.9% pay for grad school on their own. Young people have too much debt to help parents because parents don't pay for their education.

Source? My hunch is that their is a selection bias in grad school and higher percentage of grad students are not paying for grad school than your post suggests. Lots of trust fund kids get PhDs. I would've.

Hard agree. Maybe they are “paying” for their own grad school but what does that really mean when their parents help with down payment, mortgage, childcare, and there is no expectation of having to save for retirement in your 20s/30s because of anticipated retirement.

Like other posters I also recognize OP from other posts. Are you East Asian or mostly around East Asians OP? It seems like you want validation that not helping out your parents is “normal.” No one can give you that validation but yourself. All you are doing here is trying to get assurance that those helping out their parents are somehow the abnormal ones doing something wrong.

Honestly, you said that your parents supported you for longer than your peers through no fault of your own. Was it their fault then? If you deserve a “break” don’t they deserve one too for supporting you longer than normal? And if the “break” in your culture is being supported by their kids vs. not having to support them………………

[Anonymous]

My parents are worth $8M. DH and I make $220k a year combined and have $80k in savings. Yeah...not financially helping Mom and Dad.

[Anonymous]

Different cultures do different things but I am not now nor have I ever been expected to financially help my parents.

[Anonymous]

I think it is abnormal for someone in their 30s to be financially helping their parents.

[Anonymous]

Why do you keep asking this question? What answer are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Slight voice of dissent here. We grew up modestly, midwestern Irish Catholic, and our parents mortgaged the house to send us all to college, and we all did pretty well for ourselves. So in our 30s, one sibling paid off that mortgage, and we've done other big things as well. Not because we have to, or are expected to -- I agree that we aren't -- but because we want to. We respect their desire to handle expenses on their own, and they were well positioned to do that; plus my mom is really good with their modest finances. Sometimes they object, and we respect that of course.

I think we grew up with generosity in our family and broader community, in large and small ways, and learned to be generous in many ways, not just material. We have been similarly generous with each other over the years. Also, we are the kind of family that tries to outwit each other scheming to get to pay the bill at restaurants. This is true of our extended family as well, and we don't hesitate to help each other out if someone is in a tight spot if we can.

[Anonymous]

I'm in my late 30s and my parents only retired this past year. They do not need financial assistance from me. My MIL, on the other hand...

[Anonymous]

I work in an an MCPS high school and ALL the kids who have jobs give money to their parents and/or to their relatives in their family's native country.

If you are from a family-oriented culture, it is not unusual. In fact, it is normal and expected. Even more so in your 30s.

[Anonymous]

I helped them in my late 20s when they were having a very rough time. They're fine now but only because on of them hasn't retired and still works. I know I'll end up helping them again after they can no longer work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in an an MCPS high school and ALL the kids who have jobs give money to their parents and/or to their relatives in their family's native country.

If you are from a family-oriented culture, it is not unusual. In fact, it is normal and expected. Even more so in your 30s.

I could faint of horror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep asking this question? What answer are you looking for?

There was a long period of my life where I still needed financial support from my parents when most people my age didn't(through no fault of my own). I've finally managed to become self-supporting, but it now it seems as if most of my peers have moved on from supporting themselves to supporting themselves and their parents. I really feel I deserve a grace-period where I'm on the same level as my peers, even if it's just temporary. I'd like to have at-least till my mid-thirties. But now it seems as though I'm always going to be one step behind my peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep asking this question? What answer are you looking for?

There was a long period of my life where I still needed financial support from my parents when most people my age didn't(through no fault of my own). I've finally managed to become self-supporting, but it now it seems as if most of my peers have moved on from supporting themselves to supporting themselves and their parents. I really feel I deserve a grace-period where I'm on the same level as my peers, even if it's just temporary. I'd like to have at-least till my mid-thirties. But now it seems as though I'm always going to be one step behind my peers.

Dude. You have an anxiety disorder and that is your real problem.

No, your peers are not supporting themselves and their parents. And it doesn't have much bearing on how successful your peers are-- it's more related to the parents' level of need and the family culture.

Who do you think is going to give you a "grace period"? Do you think someone is looking at you and judging? The only person doing that right now is *you*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in an an MCPS high school and ALL the kids who have jobs give money to their parents and/or to their relatives in their family's native country.

If you are from a family-oriented culture, it is not unusual. In fact, it is normal and expected. Even more so in your 30s.

My parents are worth 5x what I am. We're very family-oriented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep asking this question? What answer are you looking for?

There was a long period of my life where I still needed financial support from my parents when most people my age didn't(through no fault of my own). I've finally managed to become self-supporting, but it now it seems as if most of my peers have moved on from supporting themselves to supporting themselves and their parents. I really feel I deserve a grace-period where I'm on the same level as my peers, even if it's just temporary. I'd like to have at-least till my mid-thirties. But now it seems as though I'm always going to be one step behind my peers.

Why are your parents struggling so much?