Teenage boy’s room is disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?

Sounds like a bad case of affluenza to me. Great job, parents.

[Anonymous]

Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Not normal.

You are accommodating him, not supporting him. You need to expect certain baseline things and make them happen (with different meds if needed). Please don’t send him to college like this - he won’t make it.

+1000

+another 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

There you go, OP. Just get him medicated, stat, and then you ca keep giving him way more stuff and money and space than he actually needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

There you go, OP. Just get him medicated, stat, and then you ca keep giving him way more stuff and money and space than he actually needs.

STFU. Perhaps you need some meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this level is unacceptable and you need to work on this.

But just an anecdote to make you feel better. My (neurotypical) brother used to have a gross room when we were growing up. It ALWAYS smelled. He was in charge of his own laundry but would let it sit too long, he'd leave dishes in there. Drove my mother nuts! One day it was particularly bad and mom threw a fit, saying he was stinking up the whole house, made him take all the dishes out and put them in the dishwasher, and then get all his laundry off the floor. When he picked up the last piece of clothing in the middle of the room, what was under it? A DEAD BIRD. One of the cats must had brought it in like a week before. It was FOUL.

He's now a gainfully employed, happily married father of three who loves doing dishes and gets upset if there are any in the sink too long. You can turn this around! Keep trying!

OH MY GOD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

There you go, OP. Just get him medicated, stat, and then you ca keep giving him way more stuff and money and space than he actually needs.

If you have no experience treating ADHD, perhaps you should not mock what you don't understand.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to do a daily check in - where you stand in his room or at the door and remind him that all food/dishes go in the dishwasher in the kitchen and all clothes go in the hamper. Get him used to a schedule where things get put away.

[Anonymous]

Why do you allow him to go to an extra curricular activity (sports) if his room isn’t cleaned up? Either he explains to the coach or you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

There you go, OP. Just get him medicated, stat, and then you ca keep giving him way more stuff and money and space than he actually needs.

If you have no experience treating ADHD, perhaps you should not mock what you don't understand.

I don’t have experience, but I did read the entire OP and I think whether for not the kid is medicated is not the real issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family therapist said to leave the kids room alone. Don't clean it. It was painful but that is what I did. He also did his own laundry which was painful.

But by sophomore year of college he kept a clean room.

We never punished him for not being clean or nagged him.

Every blue moon he would give me a shirt or pants to throw in with my clothes but that was about it.

He is also an athlete (also plays in college) and it's really hard to "do it all", but he has the right to prioritize his life.

That won’t work with an ADHD kid. You need to show them (many times) how exactly things need to be done.

The poster with the photo idea is spot on.

Agree. Even among kids with ADHD, there's variance. But for many, you're going to have better results by explicitly teaching the skill and repeating many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you allow him to go to an extra curricular activity (sports) if his room isn’t cleaned up? Either he explains to the coach or you do.

Personally, I would never pull a kid from sports over cleaning his room. I would tell him that he can not have food in his room. That is my line in the sand. As long as there is no food/dishes/wrappers...the room is his (and please keep the door closed)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please stop doing all this for him. You're not helping him (or your future DIL!!!!). Work on executive functioning skills. Every night I sit with my dd as she goes over her assignment books and calendars. She also cleans her room before bed every night. It used to take a very long time, but now she just basically closes a drawer and she's done. She stopped throwing things on the floor because she knew she'd have to pick them up later. Forcing her to look at the calendar actually got her to start doing it on her own. Baby steps I guess.

This. My MIL accommodated my husband, and he’s still a slob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he medicated?

This completely describes my ADHD girl's room until we found the right medication/dosage. It was a complete and utter pigsty. Once she started meds she's done a total 180. It's completely clean most of the time-even the bathroom!

There you go, OP. Just get him medicated, stat, and then you ca keep giving him way more stuff and money and space than he actually needs.

If you have no experience treating ADHD, perhaps you should not mock what you don't understand.

I don’t have experience, but I did read the entire OP and I think whether for not the kid is medicated is not the real issue here.

Then give constructive advice; don't mock the need for meds in ADHD. Kindness isn't that difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you allow him to go to an extra curricular activity (sports) if his room isn’t cleaned up? Either he explains to the coach or you do.

Personally, I would never pull a kid from sports over cleaning his room. I would tell him that he can not have food in his room. That is my line in the sand. As long as there is no food/dishes/wrappers...the room is his (and please keep the door closed)

It's also counterproductive in this case, as regular exercise is essential for regulating ADHD. That would be a punishment that exacerbates the problem, instead of helping to solve it.