If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how much extra bandwidth do you have in your life, generally? Work flexibility, money, support (family or otherwise), time, etc.? So many people "don't feel done" and then realize that the additional kid pushed them past their capacity. It often ends up okay, but you need to consider the need to "feel done" with the very real changes a third child brings.

Also, parenting older kids is a whole other ball of wax. Easier in some ways, harder than others. You can't predict how you'll be with teens, but if you're generally able to not let little things (purees, BLW, etc.) go, consider the chaos of a third generally. Maybe that third kid helps you chill and it'll be great. Maybe not. Who knows. My third was the toughest sleeper (still has night terrors, at 7.5), the most sensitive in some ways. We wanted him fully and our family is complete, but you can't buy into the "third children are easy" rhetoric that some people insist on.

This question was pretty much why we stopped at two. We were at a point in life where we felt like we had enough slack in the family to consider a third, but it was because we had that slack that we decided not to. It's really, really healthy to have a little extra bandwidth. You never know when there will be a health crisis, a work crisis, a global pandemic, whatever. Heck, even just a bad rainstorm with some basement flooding and a closed preschool, and I honestly thought how glad I was that there wasn't a baby in the mix, too. Not to say that all families are like mine. We don't have a nanny (and I wouldn't want to manage another adult in the house even if they were adding tremendous value and saving time in other ways). But the basic point is that having 2 gives us more slack and more time to enjoy the "down time", and also gives us a bit more leeway to navigate the harder times in life, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

I think it’s cruel to sleep train so young, and many many babies still sleep terrible at 5,6 months and much older. Mine had medical issues so we couldn’t sleep train, and she woke 10-20 times a night until 20 months. I’m terrified to have another because I now know you can get a kid who sleeps that badly for years, not months.

[Anonymous]

Third kid newborn baby phase goes almost too fast! They go everywhere, you use a carrier, you have two kids to entertain and cuddle with them, and it’s generally hectic but wonderful. 3rd baby was definitely easiest and I’m convinced it’s because we were all just so much less stressed.