If you wanted a third, but dreaded newborn phase again

[Anonymous]

In the title. Strongly considering trying for a third child, but every time I get out of the baby phase (older kids are 5 and almost 2) I feel like I just can’t go back to the newborn phase- but that also feels like such a short term view. Anyone btdt? Do you just get over it? The first year - 18 months is delicious but so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

Op here. For me it’s the lack of sleep for sure. And also the stress over germs. And the crying really does stress me out. Pumping and breastfeeding. Difficulty traveling. Bottle sterilizing and washing. Baby led weaning. Making purées. Wake windows. Being on a nap schedule. Not being able to take your eyes off off the hazardous toddler for one second without fearing for their life. Once my second child hit 20 months it all felt so much more manageable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

Op here. For me it’s the lack of sleep for sure. And also the stress over germs. And the crying really does stress me out. Pumping and breastfeeding. Difficulty traveling. Bottle sterilizing and washing. Baby led weaning. Making purées. Wake windows. Being on a nap schedule. Not being able to take your eyes off off the hazardous toddler for one second without fearing for their life. Once my second child hit 20 months it all felt so much more manageable to me.

All of this stress is exactly what I mean. I'm super type A, I get it. But some of these are problems of your own making.

Wash the bottles in the dishwasher. Hand the kid a pouch. Kids need germs and now there's an RSV vaccine. Third baby naps in a carrier or in the car. Don't pump or breastfeed if it's not working. You're not traveling with two young kids anyway.

Wtf are you making purées??

Three forces you to prioritize what's actually necessary.

[Anonymous]

Look, three kids is my personal nightmare, but if you want to raise three humans, then a year and a half is a manageable sacrifice to get through. Phone in the labor intensive stuff like pumping and making purées, get help from a night nanny, friends, or family to give yourself breaks, and just do it. You’ve done it twice before and can do it again. Or don’t and make peace with the family you have. There’s no right or wrong answer here, only what you feel personally capable of.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want three? I’m the youngest of three sisters and it’s awful. My sisters are close but mean to me. I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want three? I’m the youngest of three sisters and it’s awful. My sisters are close but mean to me. I hate it.

Close to each other I meant

[Anonymous]

I sucked it up and I am so glad I did. Not only because the third is this amazing human who completes our family but also because it was my favorite newborn phase. Somehow once I knew it was my last, I could savor it more. And it really did fly by.

Agree with the above poster though - three only works if you can embrace shortcuts like pouches, accepting that kids will get germs, and whatever makes feeding easier for you (formula or whatever). And definitely don’t sterilize bottles for a full term baby!!

[Anonymous]

It kills so much of the ability to enjoy bigger kid things for yeeaarsss bc you’re in baby then toddler than preschooler phase. I feel like I was on the cusp of so much bigger kid fun that I’m not sure I’ll ever get now bc spanning 5yrs of interests, needs, abilities etc is tough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The opposite. I LOVE newborns but babies turn into toddlers. If I could skip those years I'd have six babies.

Fwiw I have three and the baby phase with the third was the easiest. You are more confident and spend a lot less mental energy worrying about small stuff.

What do you dislike about newborns? The lack of sleep? The crying? For me I just tell myself the sleep thing is four months long. I can do anything for four months.

This is not really a helpful comment. OP said she dreads the newborn phase. Obviously if she loved it, like you do, she wouldn't be asking.

Given her follow up explanation, I 💯 relate. It's a good part of the reason we stopped at 2 kids. My second took 11 months to sleep thru the night. Breastfeeding and pumping is awful. I made purees for my kids because it was cheaper than store-bought. The anxiety around my wobbly 14-month-old falling down, learning how to do stairs, climbing on the playground. And I never want to potty train another human being. That doesn't even touch on wait-lists for daycares and preschools and the financial strain of a third kid.

I love age 2+ (mine are now 5.5 and 3.5). If I could skip to a potty trained 2 year old, I would seriously consider a third.

OP, ultimately I felt like my family was complete at 2 kids, but I also shared most of your concerns about having a third. If you really want a third, talk to your husband and any other family that might be able to help about what kind of support you would need/want.

[Anonymous]

You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.

[Anonymous]

We hired a nanny. Made a world of difference.

[Anonymous]

My third was the easiest one. I figured out how to handle babies with #1, how to handle juggling multiple children with #2, adding a third on was honestly not that much work. Some breastfeeding/sleep issues in the beginning, but I was so much more relaxed about it and knew what to try that it was manageable.

[Anonymous]

Adopt a foster child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're going to have a pretty big age gap. I probably wouldn't at this point, should have just pulled the trigger a year ago if you really wanted to do it before you get too comfortable. Your older two are just about to get to the sweet spot and you'll have to start all over again with a baby.

Three years apart is a big gap?