How long to wait to get to counseling after affair discovery?

[Anonymous]

None of this is easy, and sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. If you plan to be married for decades, there will be times you feel madly in love and times you feel like a bad actor in a not very funny sitcom.

I do think a counselor could help you. I think you could view your wife's actions (both her seemingly fake affection and her jabs about your affair) as bids for your affection and attention. And if I'm correct that her affair was in response to your affair, then even that too.

Again, if you plan to be married for decades, then you need to give grace. You need to assume positive intent. Understand that it's not a scenario where you are the emotionally healthy one focusing on the present and future and she's the degenerate focusing on the past. You can't rebuild on a broken foundation . . . you need to reconcile your past, air and heal your wounds, and fix your historical issues before you can move forward. The counselor should help with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Thank you 12:20