Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1

[Anonymous]

I have two girls, and I don’t recall anyone asking me if we were going to try for a boy. In fact I don’t really even remember anyone asking us if we were having more at all. Where we are, two is pretty common. Three is too, but not so common people assume you will have three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

Same. A close friend of mine said:
“Don’t do it. It has aged us and ruined the relationship between spouses and with older two kids.” By the way, that friend is very well off and retired early, so two stay at home parents with lots of help. And still said don’t do it. I can’t imagine two working parents in a small home managing 3 kids well…

We stopped at 2.

My DH and I are dual working parents in a not huge house (about 2200) with 3 kids. We are happy and managing. Because our house isn’t huge, we are on the go often (camping trips, hikes, museums, sports leagues, the beach, etc.). We also live close-in so we have plenty to walk to and can easily metro into DC. And we’ve never had tons of help so we are just used to managing life on our own.

In fact I can see how someone who is used to not working and having lots of help would be less resilient and able to cope with the chaos of multiple kids. I don’t mean that in a bad way. Everyone should be aware of what they are willing and able to manage. Some people are lower energy or can’t handle as much noise or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Wish I'd stopped at 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My second and third children were literally five minutes apart. No regrets. Some people rise to the occasion, some people would still be overwhelmed with an only child or two children. I think it has less to do with the number of children, and more to do with the parents’ outlook and abilities to make peace with a little chaos.

+100
I had three under three and I would never say this to anyone in real life, but I'm markedly less frazzled than some of my friends with one kid. It comes down to temperament and outlook.

It comes down to standards.

[Anonymous]

Cousin told me after we had been drinking she regrets the third child who is just a really stubborn and usually unpleasant child. Another friend has a severely disabled child for the third and commented something to the effect without coming straight out and saying it that she regrets the third.

[Anonymous]

We have four, and my oldest is disabled. I sometimes wonder what his childhood would have been like if he was an only child. We certainly would have put more time and resources into therapy and treatment for him. But then again, I don’t know that he would have been friends with any other kids if it weren’t for his siblings.
I mean, who is going to tell a disabled kid when they are being a d!ck besides his brothers?

[Anonymous]

DH . I regret not having a fourth

[Anonymous]

No, but very glad I didn’t go for a fourth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousin told me after we had been drinking she regrets the third child who is just a really stubborn and usually unpleasant child. Another friend has a severely disabled child for the third and commented something to the effect without coming straight out and saying it that she regrets the third.

Sounds like neither of those people is cut out for the lottery of parenthood. FYI: you can have a neurotypical, “perfect” child one day, and an injury or disease can change them in a blink of an eye. Or you can have an easy child who hits the teen years, falls in with a bad crowd and develops substance abuse issues, yadda yadda yadda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

That’s interesting. Are your two kids of different genders? I had two girls and not only did no one ever tell/warn me to stop at two, I cannot even count the number of times people (both strangers and close friends!) would ask if we were going to have a third in order to “try for a boy.”

I think either way - telling someone to stop at two or encouraging someone to try for a boy - is pretty rude and presumptuous. Unless you solicited that advice from them.

Same to the bolded. We have 2 boys, 3rd is a girl. People were so rude in asking if we were going to “try for a girl”. People still do sometimes ask if we are going to have a 4th but I don’t mind it as there isn’t the implication that we are trying for a specific gender.

Everyone said this to me after I had my first- a boy. When I was pregnant with my second (my daughter) everyone asked if I was “so excited to be getting a girl.”

People say those types of things because there are only so many inane things you can say to an expectant mom/couple - when all you really think is oh great you had sex and now you’re spawning. Polite smiles and comments about doing it again, maybe? Nevermind that much of the female gossip around childbearing and childrearing is rooted in thousands of years of experience when that was the only real option in life except for ‘spinster’ aunties who had the good sense to reject it all, the whole treadmill of domestic enslavement that marriage and motherhood brings.

While many parents go around thinking the whole world cares, we all know the truth that nobody actually gives a hoot about anybody else’s spawn or their accomplishments - with the possible exception of grandparents although this forum is rife with complaints about absent and uncaring grandparents.


On another note, there is something a little bit gross about a conversation about multiple child families among folks who are UMC and beyond. Your spoiled UMC American children are massive drivers of climate change, and you are, by having 3 and 4 and more kids, very actively contributing to making a world that will make their later lives miserable and their children’s lives a horror. And yet not a single mention of this glaring truth in the conversation about how many new humans to spawn so that you can have your ideal experience of motherhood and family. The selfishness is mindblowing.

[Anonymous]

The saying “people keep having kids until they have too many kids” exists for a reason

I have too many but it’s my middle one I should have skipped! (I kid, I kid)

I don’t get the people that can’t separate out “knowing what I know now, xyz kid planning (whether number or spacing or age you started having them up) would have been more ideal” from saying “I wish little Jonny didn’t exist”

[Anonymous]

No, not at all. If anything, I probably would have had a fourth if I was younger. I had my third at 38 and was 40 when Covid happened. If I had my third at 36 or even 37, I may have gone for the fourth. I just thought forties was too old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cousin told me after we had been drinking she regrets the third child who is just a really stubborn and usually unpleasant child. Another friend has a severely disabled child for the third and commented something to the effect without coming straight out and saying it that she regrets the third.

We know someone with a severely disabled third. I know they love her but she has turned their life upside down and the parents look stressed and worried all the time. They will never be able to retire and their other two children will have to take care of their sister when the parents die.

[Anonymous]

I have three, two working parents, DCUM poor. We love having three but we are constantly busy/constantly going through a new phase with at least one of them. It’s a lot and I think a lot of people couldn’t handle it.

[Anonymous]

I have two and I constantly fantasize about how easy our life would be and how much money we would have if we stopped at one.