Parents of 3- do you wish you’d stopped at 2 or 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

That’s interesting. Are your two kids of different genders? I had two girls and not only did no one ever tell/warn me to stop at two, I cannot even count the number of times people (both strangers and close friends!) would ask if we were going to have a third in order to “try for a boy.”

I think either way - telling someone to stop at two or encouraging someone to try for a boy - is pretty rude and presumptuous. Unless you solicited that advice from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

That’s interesting. Are your two kids of different genders? I had two girls and not only did no one ever tell/warn me to stop at two, I cannot even count the number of times people (both strangers and close friends!) would ask if we were going to have a third in order to “try for a boy.”

I think either way - telling someone to stop at two or encouraging someone to try for a boy - is pretty rude and presumptuous. Unless you solicited that advice from them.

Same to the bolded. We have 2 boys, 3rd is a girl. People were so rude in asking if we were going to “try for a girl”. People still do sometimes ask if we are going to have a 4th but I don’t mind it as there isn’t the implication that we are trying for a specific gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My second and third children were literally five minutes apart. No regrets. Some people rise to the occasion, some people would still be overwhelmed with an only child or two children. I think it has less to do with the number of children, and more to do with the parents’ outlook and abilities to make peace with a little chaos.

This. I always wanted three and feel privileged to be a parent of three. You only get one life and I can’t imagine not having my three. It’s hard but as the saying goes anything worth doing is hard. I’m a high achiever but nothing that I do professionally three will compare to being a good mom to my three children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, see a therapist. You need to adjust expectations and not secretly wallow in how three is not how your preferred number. There comes a point where what’s done is done, and it’s really unhealthy to turn that over in your mind.

Assuming this OP is not the troll who posted the thread about not bonding with her third, something I suspect, I would say:

1. Get a therapist- you sound like you have PPD
2. Take medication - you sound like you have PPD
3. Don’t spend time alone with any of your children (explain how you feel to your husband and trusted family members and friends) - you sound like you have PPD

If you are the troll posting stuff about three kids: We can’t take any more of these crazy posts from an unhinged person who clearly feels bad about not having three kids. It’s pathological and i would suggest therapy and medication. If you weren’t insane I’d tell you to have more kids or adopt but since you sound insane it’s better for humanity if you don’t have and/or parent more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, see a therapist. You need to adjust expectations and not secretly wallow in how three is not how your preferred number. There comes a point where what’s done is done, and it’s really unhealthy to turn that over in your mind.

Assuming this OP is not the troll who posted the thread about not bonding with her third, something I suspect, I would say:

1. Get a therapist- you sound like you have PPD
2. Take medication - you sound like you have PPD
3. Don’t spend time alone with any of your children (explain how you feel to your husband and trusted family members and friends) - you sound like you have PPD

If you are the troll posting stuff about three kids: We can’t take any more of these crazy posts from an unhinged person who clearly feels bad about not having three kids. It’s pathological and i would suggest therapy and medication. If you weren’t insane I’d tell you to have more kids or adopt but since you sound insane it’s better for humanity if you don’t have and/or parent more kids.

I'm the op of that thread. You are seriously one of the most paranoid and unhinged posters I've ever encountered in the seven years I've been on this site. For the record and for the final time: I have three kids. I love having three. Seriously seek help about your deep insecurities and paranoia.

[Anonymous]

I has 3 — boy, boy, girl — in less than 5 years. It was A LOT for a while (especially during the pandemic). Now that the youngest is 4 it is a lot easier. I thrive in chaos and came from a big family so I love it. If it wasn’t for the pandemic and how hard that was we would probably have had a 4th. I think personality of parents and kids really matters here.

[Anonymous]

No, I regret nit having a 4th. And I had 3 under 3 also.

[Anonymous]

I prefer having 3 to 1 or 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

That’s interesting. Are your two kids of different genders? I had two girls and not only did no one ever tell/warn me to stop at two, I cannot even count the number of times people (both strangers and close friends!) would ask if we were going to have a third in order to “try for a boy.”

I think either way - telling someone to stop at two or encouraging someone to try for a boy - is pretty rude and presumptuous. Unless you solicited that advice from them.

Same to the bolded. We have 2 boys, 3rd is a girl. People were so rude in asking if we were going to “try for a girl”. People still do sometimes ask if we are going to have a 4th but I don’t mind it as there isn’t the implication that we are trying for a specific gender.

Everyone said this to me after I had my first- a boy. When I was pregnant with my second (my daughter) everyone asked if I was “so excited to be getting a girl.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

Same. A close friend of mine said:
“Don’t do it. It has aged us and ruined the relationship between spouses and with older two kids.” By the way, that friend is very well off and retired early, so two stay at home parents with lots of help. And still said don’t do it. I can’t imagine two working parents in a small home managing 3 kids well…

We stopped at 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My second and third children were literally five minutes apart. No regrets. Some people rise to the occasion, some people would still be overwhelmed with an only child or two children. I think it has less to do with the number of children, and more to do with the parents’ outlook and abilities to make peace with a little chaos.

This, 6000%. The people who are overwhelmed with two children should not have a third. But I know a lot of parents with 3 / even 4, and life is so joyous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

Same. A close friend of mine said:
“Don’t do it. It has aged us and ruined the relationship between spouses and with older two kids.” By the way, that friend is very well off and retired early, so two stay at home parents with lots of help. And still said don’t do it. I can’t imagine two working parents in a small home managing 3 kids well…

We stopped at 2.

You can’t imagine it because you, personally, could not (or, would not want to) do it. And that’s okay - it’s good that you, personally, did not have a third

[Anonymous]

Depends completely on the parents’ demeanors/personalities and perspectives. I have friends with 1 or 2 kids who say they are completely overwhelmed half the time. I have 3 and honestly can’t remember the last time I felt stressed by it - not saying it isn’t a lot of work, but watching my 3 together and how close they are and how much they love each other… is indescribable. Zero regrets for me, but I also really love / enjoy children (and would not have had any if I didn’t)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a parent of three but I have had several of them tell/warn me to stop at two so I don't think you're entirely alone in your sentiment, OP.

Same. A close friend of mine said:
“Don’t do it. It has aged us and ruined the relationship between spouses and with older two kids.” By the way, that friend is very well off and retired early, so two stay at home parents with lots of help. And still said don’t do it. I can’t imagine two working parents in a small home managing 3 kids well…

We stopped at 2.

So, you took the advice of a friend and their spouse who can’t seem to handle something most people do (and without the benefit of being retired and having money). Probably best you stopped at 2.

[Anonymous]

We stopped at 1 because that is what we wanted. But hypothetically if we had 3, 4, 5 or even 10 kids I could never wish my children were not born.