DD didn’t make varsity, she’s crushed

[Anonymous]

My 11th grade son made the varsity team, and although he's happy about it, I'm ambivalent. To me, it was a choice between substantial playing time on JV, or probably substantially less playing time on Varsity.

Maybe point out the positives of playing JV this year; and if she loves the game she can still have fun playing and working towards varsity next year. She's only going to be a high school kid for a brief flash of time in her life, and if she loves soccer why not just play?

[Anonymous]

Another vote for exploring cross-country. The fitness and discipline that come from that can help with focus and grades, and it always attracts nice kids. My DD didn’t make varsity for soccer her junior year, switched to XC and had a fabulous experience. She played club soccer in college and loved that too. As a young adult she joined a running club and plays co-Ed soccer. Both have added a lot to her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11th grade son made the varsity team, and although he's happy about it, I'm ambivalent. To me, it was a choice between substantial playing time on JV, or probably substantially less playing time on Varsity.

Maybe point out the positives of playing JV this year; and if she loves the game she can still have fun playing and working towards varsity next year. She's only going to be a high school kid for a brief flash of time in her life, and if she loves soccer why not just play?

This is really good advice. Mine is playing varsity but concerned about not getting a lot of playing time. The JV coach was awesome and he would have had lots of playing time there.

[Anonymous]

At our large public school there is a moderate stigma to playing JV as a junior. But if she loves to play, and wants to try to make varsity next year, she ought to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bs/Cs?! she should do tutoring after school and not soccer. Junior year is the most important.

This, one thousand times over. If she can bring up her grades in junior year, it will really help her college options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports is a huge friend group in HS. Leaving will change that for her. No advice other than there are unintended consequences of leaving.

She has a couple good friends that chose not to continue soccer and actually, 2-3 of her friends made the varsity team. She only has a couple friends on the JV team.

My point is this shouldn’t be an issue since her good friends won’t be on JV.

IME JV and varsity hang around. But your experience could be different.

FWIW, my kid didn’t make a coveted spot in their sport this year and wanted to quit. I asked for alternative plans that didn’t involve cellphones and other electronics. My kid chose sports because they couldn’t come up with a better plan - and is not disappointed by the choice though still working through feelings.

Varsity and JV don't really hang around.

Anonymous wrote:How is the team? Same thing happened at our school but every game was a blowout- won all games by huge margins—11-0, 5-0, etc. The kids decided the time commitment required for getting zero out of it with a tough academic important year and playing for a strong club team: it would have been pointless and taken time that wasn’t there.

The team is about average - same as the varsity team.

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a club team? If so, I’d just do that and not JV.

No club team. She's not a year around type of player.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bs/Cs?! she should do tutoring after school and not soccer. Junior year is the most important.

That’s not really fair. Not everyone is capable of As and not every parent has money and transportation for tutoring.

Thank you. Some people have an odd perspective on things.

Without even a club team, she should be happy she made JV.

+1. This is sadly the reality in HS soccer. We only know of 1 who didn’t play club when my son was on JV last year. As a junior, this player didn’t make varsity and was sent back to JV. He was incredibly lucky to make the JV team at all. There are others who play club who didn’t. Now he’s probably quitting which is a shame since he took a spot from another student who would have loved to play.

Comically, at our HS they have cut kids at the ECNL/MLSnext level--many who went on to play in college--while keeping kids who never played or played at a very low level. It's a joke. They literally could win the league with 11 traffic cones on the field since the competition is nil.

If she doesn't want to do, it's a great year to find something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports is a huge friend group in HS. Leaving will change that for her. No advice other than there are unintended consequences of leaving.

She has a couple good friends that chose not to continue soccer and actually, 2-3 of her friends made the varsity team. She only has a couple friends on the JV team.

My point is this shouldn’t be an issue since her good friends won’t be on JV.

IME JV and varsity hang around. But your experience could be different.

FWIW, my kid didn’t make a coveted spot in their sport this year and wanted to quit. I asked for alternative plans that didn’t involve cellphones and other electronics. My kid chose sports because they couldn’t come up with a better plan - and is not disappointed by the choice though still working through feelings.

Varsity and JV don't really hang around.

Anonymous wrote:How is the team? Same thing happened at our school but every game was a blowout- won all games by huge margins—11-0, 5-0, etc. The kids decided the time commitment required for getting zero out of it with a tough academic important year and playing for a strong club team: it would have been pointless and taken time that wasn’t there.

The team is about average - same as the varsity team.

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a club team? If so, I’d just do that and not JV.

No club team. She's not a year around type of player.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bs/Cs?! she should do tutoring after school and not soccer. Junior year is the most important.

That’s not really fair. Not everyone is capable of As and not every parent has money and transportation for tutoring.

Thank you. Some people have an odd perspective on things.

Without even a club team, she should be happy she made JV.

+1. This is sadly the reality in HS soccer. We only know of 1 who didn’t play club when my son was on JV last year. As a junior, this player didn’t make varsity and was sent back to JV. He was incredibly lucky to make the JV team at all. There are others who play club who didn’t. Now he’s probably quitting which is a shame since he took a spot from another student who would have loved to play.

Comically, at our HS they have cut kids at the ECNL/MLSnext level--many who went on to play in college--while keeping kids who never played or played at a very low level. It's a joke. They literally could win the league with 11 traffic cones on the field since the competition is nil.

If she doesn't want to do, it's a great year to find something new.

They cut ECNL players because they don’t appreciate skill. They want big, fast strong and it ends up being a lot of long kicks over midfield. My daughter gets frustrated playing high school for this reason, and her coach has even criticized her when she plays simple passes to keep possession, which is in contrast to what her club coach wants. She plays because she enjoys being with her classmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my DDs was cut junior year and decided to run cross country instead. She ended up doing really well and went to the state competition with the cross-country team. If she is willing to try running, the new runners end up really improving their times throughout the season. Also, in our school, the team does bonfires and lots of social activities, and since it is co-ed the kids have so much fun. My other DD made varsity as a freshman and high school soccer has just been cutthroat and stressful for her, a much more intense atmosphere than cross country.

This OP. As a former college athlete, I always rather looked down on cross country and track. My DD got fed up with soccer in high school. She was a very athletic kid, but psychologically just couldn't deal with the pressures of soccer anymore and it was making her feel awful. She switched to cross country and track in her senior year and the only regret she had was having not discovered it sooner. So much more supportive. You can kind of pick and choose when you compete on the weekends, if academics need to take priority, and you stay active and fit and off screens for a couple hours each day. I really recommend it. JV as a junior could be pretty demoralizing.

Please elaborate on this statement?

I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising.

XC and track are real sports. I'm still not understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s entering 11th grade and she tried out for varsity and she didn’t make it and the coach wants her in JV. She doesn’t want to do it bc some of her friends went to varsity and she doesn’t get along with the JV coach.

I’m honestly supportive of either option - stick out the year or just stop altogether and focus on her studies (which aren’t great - Bs/Cs). I don’t want soccer to be a source of stress for her; I want it to be enjoyable but I fear she’s going to let it get to her (being stuck on JV).

Anyone go through something similar? Looking for advice.

If my kid was having that kind of grades, we wouldn't be talking about something like this. OP, your kiddo needs to focus on improving her grades. Bs/Cs nowadays are terrible grades

Don't kid yourself, they were terrible grades when we were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports is a huge friend group in HS. Leaving will change that for her. No advice other than there are unintended consequences of leaving.

She has a couple good friends that chose not to continue soccer and actually, 2-3 of her friends made the varsity team. She only has a couple friends on the JV team.

My point is this shouldn’t be an issue since her good friends won’t be on JV.

IME JV and varsity hang around. But your experience could be different.

FWIW, my kid didn’t make a coveted spot in their sport this year and wanted to quit. I asked for alternative plans that didn’t involve cellphones and other electronics. My kid chose sports because they couldn’t come up with a better plan - and is not disappointed by the choice though still working through feelings.

Varsity and JV don't really hang around.

Anonymous wrote:How is the team? Same thing happened at our school but every game was a blowout- won all games by huge margins—11-0, 5-0, etc. The kids decided the time commitment required for getting zero out of it with a tough academic important year and playing for a strong club team: it would have been pointless and taken time that wasn’t there.

The team is about average - same as the varsity team.

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a club team? If so, I’d just do that and not JV.

No club team. She's not a year around type of player.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bs/Cs?! she should do tutoring after school and not soccer. Junior year is the most important.

That’s not really fair. Not everyone is capable of As and not every parent has money and transportation for tutoring.

Thank you. Some people have an odd perspective on things.

Without even a club team, she should be happy she made JV.

+1. This is sadly the reality in HS soccer. We only know of 1 who didn’t play club when my son was on JV last year. As a junior, this player didn’t make varsity and was sent back to JV. He was incredibly lucky to make the JV team at all. There are others who play club who didn’t. Now he’s probably quitting which is a shame since he took a spot from another student who would have loved to play.

Comically, at our HS they have cut kids at the ECNL/MLSnext level--many who went on to play in college--while keeping kids who never played or played at a very low level. It's a joke. They literally could win the league with 11 traffic cones on the field since the competition is nil.

If she doesn't want to do, it's a great year to find something new.

They cut ECNL players because they don’t appreciate skill. They want big, fast strong and it ends up being a lot of long kicks over midfield. My daughter gets frustrated playing high school for this reason, and her coach has even criticized her when she plays simple passes to keep possession, which is in contrast to what her club coach wants. She plays because she enjoys being with her classmates.

My Senior joined mlsnext this fall and is not doing hs for this reason. It is painful to sit through hs games.

[Anonymous]

I would encourage her to leave it behind and try another sport outside of school, or other activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

JeeperKeeper wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do they do soccer in the fall as opposed to spring?

DC and Maryland

Thanks! I kept seeing references to this and obviously we are in Virginia so I was a little confused.

VA private schools play in the Fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my DDs was cut junior year and decided to run cross country instead. She ended up doing really well and went to the state competition with the cross-country team. If she is willing to try running, the new runners end up really improving their times throughout the season. Also, in our school, the team does bonfires and lots of social activities, and since it is co-ed the kids have so much fun. My other DD made varsity as a freshman and high school soccer has just been cutthroat and stressful for her, a much more intense atmosphere than cross country.

This OP. As a former college athlete, I always rather looked down on cross country and track. My DD got fed up with soccer in high school. She was a very athletic kid, but psychologically just couldn't deal with the pressures of soccer anymore and it was making her feel awful. She switched to cross country and track in her senior year and the only regret she had was having not discovered it sooner. So much more supportive. You can kind of pick and choose when you compete on the weekends, if academics need to take priority, and you stay active and fit and off screens for a couple hours each day. I really recommend it. JV as a junior could be pretty demoralizing.

Please elaborate on this statement?

DP but many soccer players look down on it as what you do when you can’t make the team.

My kids don't understand cross country because "running" is what you do when you lose a game. It's not fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports is a huge friend group in HS. Leaving will change that for her. No advice other than there are unintended consequences of leaving.

She has a couple good friends that chose not to continue soccer and actually, 2-3 of her friends made the varsity team. She only has a couple friends on the JV team.

My point is this shouldn’t be an issue since her good friends won’t be on JV.

IME JV and varsity hang around. But your experience could be different.

FWIW, my kid didn’t make a coveted spot in their sport this year and wanted to quit. I asked for alternative plans that didn’t involve cellphones and other electronics. My kid chose sports because they couldn’t come up with a better plan - and is not disappointed by the choice though still working through feelings.

Varsity and JV don't really hang around.

Anonymous wrote:How is the team? Same thing happened at our school but every game was a blowout- won all games by huge margins—11-0, 5-0, etc. The kids decided the time commitment required for getting zero out of it with a tough academic important year and playing for a strong club team: it would have been pointless and taken time that wasn’t there.

The team is about average - same as the varsity team.

Anonymous wrote:Is she on a club team? If so, I’d just do that and not JV.

No club team. She's not a year around type of player.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bs/Cs?! she should do tutoring after school and not soccer. Junior year is the most important.

That’s not really fair. Not everyone is capable of As and not every parent has money and transportation for tutoring.

Thank you. Some people have an odd perspective on things.

Without even a club team, she should be happy she made JV.

+1. This is sadly the reality in HS soccer. We only know of 1 who didn’t play club when my son was on JV last year.

+1 I'm still stuck on the idea that she doesn't play club, made JV and expected to make varsity without a club team? Are you at a small rural school? At all the schools we know it's extremely competitive to make JV even for club players. Basically every child in the 120 kid tryout was in travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my DDs was cut junior year and decided to run cross country instead. She ended up doing really well and went to the state competition with the cross-country team. If she is willing to try running, the new runners end up really improving their times throughout the season. Also, in our school, the team does bonfires and lots of social activities, and since it is co-ed the kids have so much fun. My other DD made varsity as a freshman and high school soccer has just been cutthroat and stressful for her, a much more intense atmosphere than cross country.

This OP. As a former college athlete, I always rather looked down on cross country and track. My DD got fed up with soccer in high school. She was a very athletic kid, but psychologically just couldn't deal with the pressures of soccer anymore and it was making her feel awful. She switched to cross country and track in her senior year and the only regret she had was having not discovered it sooner. So much more supportive. You can kind of pick and choose when you compete on the weekends, if academics need to take priority, and you stay active and fit and off screens for a couple hours each day. I really recommend it. JV as a junior could be pretty demoralizing.

Please elaborate on this statement?

DP but many soccer players look down on it as what you do when you can’t make the team.

My kids don't understand cross country because "running" is what you do when you lose a game. It's not fun.

Absurd. Some of those same soccer players would drop dead if asked to run 3 miles without stopping. In fact, our child's varsity team had a 3 mile run and only a handful finished in a decent time.