Mean girl husbands

[Anonymous]

Tell him that you heard he's moving and you're so sorry about his marriage.

[Anonymous]

It can’t be Waynewood can it? It seems too big to have that much of a small town gossip type culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't live where you do, but I have had one run in with an adult mean girl and the worst thing about it is that her husband, who I never even met, made it his mission in life to destroy my reputation. He talked so much $hit about be to my colleagues (this mean girl was a coworker) and friends, it was scary. Again, never had a conversation with this guy. And the worst part was that even the people who knew he'd waaaaay crossed a line and that the things he was saying about me were untrue, would say "well, he's just being a loyal husband, you have to give him props for that." No I don't! His wife disliked me because early on in our friendship I discovered she was gossiping about me behind my back and I chose to cool off our friendship after that. She decided she hated me and then communicated that to him when they met, and he really ran with it.

He was/is a kind of dominating type in general -- tall, lawyer, prep schools and Ivy League, used to getting his way. It was honestly scary to be on the receiving end of his behavior, especially since there was no real way to defend myself to him as I have no relationship with him. At one point my DH and I actually spoke to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him but there was no feasible way to do it -- he's allowed to talk about me, even allowed to lie about me, as long as he doesn't actually physically touch me.

Thinking about it stresses me out. Men like this are scary.

You better be very careful PP. Very careful. You don't really know who your bully knows, given the connections he's built through law and elite schools. He is just the type who can bring down heaven and earth on you and, especially, your children without any fingerprints whatsoever. A fraternity brother happens to be a supervisory AUSA. His sister's best friend is good friends with your elementary school's principal. His golfing partner runs the travel team your kid is trying to join.

For all you know, your own lawyer depends on your bully for referrals, so he would talk you down from a complaint and then report back to him, ethical obligations being irrelevant.

Be very, very careful. Some people are bulletproof and above the law. Those people have the credentials you just described for your bully.

[Anonymous]

DP here. No one is bullet proof. No one.

Wondering what makes people so vindictive and determined, regarding people they hardly know? It seems that you make them look bad, OP.

I know people with literally no power, but they had a domineering parent, which is why they are the way they are (much like OP described). They want to control each and every aspect of their life, and that includes how people see them, to a manic degree.

What they do not realize is that people see them for what they really are. People go along with it, to stay out of their line of target, but they do not think nearly as highly (as the person thinks of themselves).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start rumors about him.

I would do this too.

Absolutely.

Absolutely not.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Within reason.

Stooping to their level won’t feel good for long.

As a PP said, cultivate a separate parallel social life without this family and live your best life according to your higher values.

Life is short. Too short for petty games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start rumors about him.

I would do this too.

Absolutely.

Absolutely not.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Within reason.

Stooping to their level won’t feel good for long.

As a PP said, cultivate a separate parallel social life without this family and live your best life according to your higher values.

Life is short. Too short for petty games.

Naaah. This never works. Fight back and start gossiping about him

[Anonymous]

Is he fat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes! We are looking for a house in Ft. Hunt because of that "laid back, friendly and super social." reputation. Im hoping its not in our target neighborhoods!

It is not like this in Stratford Landing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't live where you do, but I have had one run in with an adult mean girl and the worst thing about it is that her husband, who I never even met, made it his mission in life to destroy my reputation. He talked so much $hit about be to my colleagues (this mean girl was a coworker) and friends, it was scary. Again, never had a conversation with this guy. And the worst part was that even the people who knew he'd waaaaay crossed a line and that the things he was saying about me were untrue, would say "well, he's just being a loyal husband, you have to give him props for that." No I don't! His wife disliked me because early on in our friendship I discovered she was gossiping about me behind my back and I chose to cool off our friendship after that. She decided she hated me and then communicated that to him when they met, and he really ran with it.

He was/is a kind of dominating type in general -- tall, lawyer, prep schools and Ivy League, used to getting his way. It was honestly scary to be on the receiving end of his behavior, especially since there was no real way to defend myself to him as I have no relationship with him. At one point my DH and I actually spoke to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him but there was no feasible way to do it -- he's allowed to talk about me, even allowed to lie about me, as long as he doesn't actually physically touch me.

Thinking about it stresses me out. Men like this are scary.

You better be very careful PP. Very careful. You don't really know who your bully knows, given the connections he's built through law and elite schools. He is just the type who can bring down heaven and earth on you and, especially, your children without any fingerprints whatsoever. A fraternity brother happens to be a supervisory AUSA. His sister's best friend is good friends with your elementary school's principal. His golfing partner runs the travel team your kid is trying to join.

For all you know, your own lawyer depends on your bully for referrals, so he would talk you down from a complaint and then report back to him, ethical obligations being irrelevant.

Be very, very careful. Some people are bulletproof and above the law. Those people have the credentials you just described for your bully.

I agree with this, OP. I would not start rumors or in other ways try to beat him at his own game. It could really blow up in your face. Keep a civil distance and don't add fuel to the fire. You may not "win" and could really regret it, it could impact your kids in some way, etc.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? The nicest thing about being an adult is not having to care what such idiots think.

Perhaps I am the mean one because I just ignore people like this, lol. I truly don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start rumors about him.

I would do this too.

Absolutely.

Absolutely not.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Within reason.

Stooping to their level won’t feel good for long.

As a PP said, cultivate a separate parallel social life without this family and live your best life according to your higher values.

Life is short. Too short for petty games.

Naaah. This never works. Fight back and start gossiping about him

PP who said absolutely - it actually does work, because people do really know what a tool this guy is, and that he is trouble.

OP, pay attention to the turnover in the neighborhood house sales. If people only stay while their kids are in (closest school) - that is telling.

[Anonymous]

Someone in my street started trash-talking me, and I just relayed my lived experience to people I talked to casually in my neighborhood. It stopped.

I think honesty is the best policy. You can chit chat with your neighbors and insert what you're doing through. Most will believe you. Do not confront the crazies directly.

[Anonymous]

I have encountered this but not in my neighborhood. I bet most people see it but just choose to not engage or stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Start your own social group and let everyone you know in on the fact that this husband is a rumor monger and to stay far away.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure if I’m more taken aback by your story OP or the responses who are like “oh yeah this happened to me” or “yeah I could see this happening.” Where do you all live? Who has the time for this much drama after working and dealing with kids?