Mean girl husbands

[Anonymous]

You saw him coming out of a cheap motel during lunch hour with one of his neighborhood acolytes.

You saw a lacy thong poking out of his pants one day.

He and his wife are swingers.

[Anonymous]

He's an anti-Semite.

He embezzled thousands from his last employer.

He has a love child with their former nanny.

He has a prescription drug problem.

Oh, and: he's just a huge a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

I have been in a similar situation but that behavior is so abhorrent, I cannot flip it on the other person. I won't even clue people into the drama they have settled upon me because I truly don't like speaking ill of even bad people. I have to advise you, if someone brings up even a hint, don't clam up like me. Clear the air, I wish I had but its a bit late for me and I figured the friends lost were not to strong to begin with and no big deal. It is a big deal when false rumors persist. In my case the other person did much more and rumors were the least shocking thing so I kept telling myself "they'll find out eventually" figuring people who act in immoral ways can't help but repeat the behavior (as you've discovered)

[Anonymous]

Rhymes with Shwaynewood?

[Anonymous]

The DH accidentally slept with his best friend on his bachelors party, DW never finished elementary school, the couple have been harassing gwynrth Paltrow for a job, they are bffs with prince andrew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start rumors about him.

I would do this too.

On DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't live where you do, but I have had one run in with an adult mean girl and the worst thing about it is that her husband, who I never even met, made it his mission in life to destroy my reputation. He talked so much $hit about be to my colleagues (this mean girl was a coworker) and friends, it was scary. Again, never had a conversation with this guy. And the worst part was that even the people who knew he'd waaaaay crossed a line and that the things he was saying about me were untrue, would say "well, he's just being a loyal husband, you have to give him props for that." No I don't! His wife disliked me because early on in our friendship I discovered she was gossiping about me behind my back and I chose to cool off our friendship after that. She decided she hated me and then communicated that to him when they met, and he really ran with it.

He was/is a kind of dominating type in general -- tall, lawyer, prep schools and Ivy League, used to getting his way. It was honestly scary to be on the receiving end of his behavior, especially since there was no real way to defend myself to him as I have no relationship with him. At one point my DH and I actually spoke to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him but there was no feasible way to do it -- he's allowed to talk about me, even allowed to lie about me, as long as he doesn't actually physically touch me.

Thinking about it stresses me out. Men like this are scary.

Physical confrontation via a duel.

[Anonymous]

I would be tempted to have a lawyer write him a sternly worded letter about the libel laws.

Other than that, forming a circle with a group of families that does not include this guy sounds like the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be tempted to have a lawyer write him a sternly worded letter about the libel laws.

Other than that, forming a circle with a group of families that does not include this guy sounds like the way to go.

Slander - but agree.

[Anonymous]

He's not a "Mean Girl Husband", he's an a$$ hole. Honestly are you a teen, still calling adults "mean girls."?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not a "Mean Girl Husband", he's an a$$ hole. Honestly are you a teen, still calling adults "mean girls."?

It's a behavior, not a person. It's childish, so it's appropriate to call it out in adults. It can also be called relational aggression (using gossip, exclusion, teasing, and other underhanded or passive aggressive forms of bullying to ostracize people from a social group) but due to the popularity of the movie and musical "Mean Girls," which is about this behavior (and the the social psychology book they were based on), that's become the shorthand term for these behaviors.

Just calling him an a$$hole doesn't capture it. Many people are a$$holes in a direct way -- they physically intimidate people or swear at them or whatever. What this guy is doing, what "mean girls" do, is something else that is harder to deal with specifically because it's indirect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood is cliquish. It's also in an area for Fairfax County that many posters claim to be laid back, friendly and super social. I won't get specific, but it's the Mt. Vernon/Ft. Hunt general area. What I've found to be the worst is a particular group of husbands, led by one husband in particular who is just a bully. In addition, him and his wife are extremely jealous and conniving. When they decide they don't like a family, he usually sets out to exclude them from as much of the neighborhood social scene as he can, by spreading rumors about the husband. The rumors are typically along the lines of alcohol issues, domestic abuse, and neglective parenting. I've seen it happen to several families in the neighborhood and it took several years for many to realize that rumors being spread are not the truth. There has even been a family that has moved because of it. We've done our best to distance ourselves from this family without upsetting them over the past year because of this, but I have reason to believe that the husband is starting to spread rumors about my family, specifically my husband because they've gotten back to me. They're pretty awful rumors and completely false.

I've dealt with mean girls in the past, but I've truly never dealt with a male who acted this way. He's not someone that can be confronted either because he'll double down on his lies, and it'll just make things even worse. My husband confronting him is not an option because of this. Additionally, he has a small circle of followers who tend to blindly believe whatever this family says, so a confrontation will only make the situation much worse. My kids are older elementary aged, and we're coming out of the years where life revolves around the neighborhood social scene because your kids are young and that's where life is centered. We're busy with activities outside of the neighborhood and full-time jobs, but I want my family to be respected in our neighborhood and able to host and attend social events without drama as we have for years. I also don't have time to deal with this sort of targeted social engineering by someone with way too much time on their hands. So how would DCUM suggest I handle this?

Is English not your first language? Curious because your lack of grammar skills may underscore a wildly paranoid thought process that seems to be big on wild, unsupported accusations and I am curious whether you’re just a little dim or a foreigner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood is cliquish. It's also in an area for Fairfax County that many posters claim to be laid back, friendly and super social. I won't get specific, but it's the Mt. Vernon/Ft. Hunt general area. What I've found to be the worst is a particular group of husbands, led by one husband in particular who is just a bully. In addition, him and his wife are extremely jealous and conniving. When they decide they don't like a family, he usually sets out to exclude them from as much of the neighborhood social scene as he can, by spreading rumors about the husband. The rumors are typically along the lines of alcohol issues, domestic abuse, and neglective parenting. I've seen it happen to several families in the neighborhood and it took several years for many to realize that rumors being spread are not the truth. There has even been a family that has moved because of it. We've done our best to distance ourselves from this family without upsetting them over the past year because of this, but I have reason to believe that the husband is starting to spread rumors about my family, specifically my husband because they've gotten back to me. They're pretty awful rumors and completely false.

I've dealt with mean girls in the past, but I've truly never dealt with a male who acted this way. He's not someone that can be confronted either because he'll double down on his lies, and it'll just make things even worse. My husband confronting him is not an option because of this. Additionally, he has a small circle of followers who tend to blindly believe whatever this family says, so a confrontation will only make the situation much worse. My kids are older elementary aged, and we're coming out of the years where life revolves around the neighborhood social scene because your kids are young and that's where life is centered. We're busy with activities outside of the neighborhood and full-time jobs, but I want my family to be respected in our neighborhood and able to host and attend social events without drama as we have for years. I also don't have time to deal with this sort of targeted social engineering by someone with way too much time on their hands. So how would DCUM suggest I handle this?

Is English not your first language? Curious because your lack of grammar skills may underscore a wildly paranoid thought process that seems to be big on wild, unsupported accusations and I am curious whether you’re just a little dim or a foreigner.

I'm curious if you the wife of the ahole, or you are the ahole. You sound like an ahole.

-np

[Anonymous]

Whoa I live in this neighborhood and really want to know who this is!

[Anonymous]

Oh wow…I know a guy exactly like this. My sympathies.