Mean girl husbands
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Anonymous
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My neighborhood is cliquish. It's also in an area for Fairfax County that many posters claim to be laid back, friendly and super social. I won't get specific, but it's the Mt. Vernon/Ft. Hunt general area. What I've found to be the worst is a particular group of husbands, led by one husband in particular who is just a bully. In addition, him and his wife are extremely jealous and conniving. When they decide they don't like a family, he usually sets out to exclude them from as much of the neighborhood social scene as he can, by spreading rumors about the husband. The rumors are typically along the lines of alcohol issues, domestic abuse, and neglective parenting. I've seen it happen to several families in the neighborhood and it took several years for many to realize that rumors being spread are not the truth. There has even been a family that has moved because of it. We've done our best to distance ourselves from this family without upsetting them over the past year because of this, but I have reason to believe that the husband is starting to spread rumors about my family, specifically my husband because they've gotten back to me. They're pretty awful rumors and completely false.
I've dealt with mean girls in the past, but I've truly never dealt with a male who acted this way. He's not someone that can be confronted either because he'll double down on his lies, and it'll just make things even worse. My husband confronting him is not an option because of this. Additionally, he has a small circle of followers who tend to blindly believe whatever this family says, so a confrontation will only make the situation much worse. My kids are older elementary aged, and we're coming out of the years where life revolves around the neighborhood social scene because your kids are young and that's where life is centered. We're busy with activities outside of the neighborhood and full-time jobs, but I want my family to be respected in our neighborhood and able to host and attend social events without drama as we have for years. I also don't have time to deal with this sort of targeted social engineering by someone with way too much time on their hands. So how would DCUM suggest I handle this? |
Anonymous
| Normal men don't behave this way so if you start a rumor or two of your own you should be able to take him down in no time. |
Anonymous
| Why does your social life have to involve your neighbors at all? And if it does, why not confine your socializing to the neighbors who don't do this, like the other families this POS has targeted? Socialize exclusively with them and cut this idiot and his followers off. |
Anonymous
| He's doing you a favor, by outing all the mean girls who side with him. |
Anonymous
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I don't live where you do, but I have had one run in with an adult mean girl and the worst thing about it is that her husband, who I never even met, made it his mission in life to destroy my reputation. He talked so much $hit about be to my colleagues (this mean girl was a coworker) and friends, it was scary. Again, never had a conversation with this guy. And the worst part was that even the people who knew he'd waaaaay crossed a line and that the things he was saying about me were untrue, would say "well, he's just being a loyal husband, you have to give him props for that." No I don't! His wife disliked me because early on in our friendship I discovered she was gossiping about me behind my back and I chose to cool off our friendship after that. She decided she hated me and then communicated that to him when they met, and he really ran with it.
He was/is a kind of dominating type in general -- tall, lawyer, prep schools and Ivy League, used to getting his way. It was honestly scary to be on the receiving end of his behavior, especially since there was no real way to defend myself to him as I have no relationship with him. At one point my DH and I actually spoke to a lawyer about getting a restraining order against him but there was no feasible way to do it -- he's allowed to talk about me, even allowed to lie about me, as long as he doesn't actually physically touch me. Thinking about it stresses me out. Men like this are scary. |
Anonymous
+1 if there are other families who were targeted by him, maybe connect with them. This sounds awful. I experienced a lot of social bullying in MS/HS, and it's one of the reasons why I don't have a lot of friends to this day. |
Anonymous
| I would start rumors about him. |
Anonymous
| Do a different afterschool activity for kids and go to a different pool and country club than they do. He's just one guy. How many people can they possibly have in their social circle? There are a couple of people like this in my neighborhood and they are super easy to avoid. This is a populated area. Be kind and just stay away and say hi at the PTA meeting or back to school night or whatever if you need to. |
Anonymous
| Yikes! We are looking for a house in Ft. Hunt because of that "laid back, friendly and super social." reputation. Im hoping its not in our target neighborhoods! |
Anonymous
I would do this too. |
Anonymous
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You need to create a parallel, separate social group for the ostracized families. It sounds like there are enough of you to get it going.
Don't let this family in at all. Not only will you feel better, but it will drive them CRAZY that they are not in charge. The best revenge is living your best life. Don't stoop to their level. |
Anonymous
Absolutely. |
Anonymous
Agree!! Do this |
Anonymous
| I would start that alternative neighborhood social group AND spread rumors about this guy, but make them funny. |
Anonymous
And spread rumors about him - ie he’s cheating on his wofe with his secretary, he is stealing money from his elderly parents, he has been fired from 40 jobs, he is banned from the gym bc he kept fondling other men in the locker room |