Looking for a "thing" at midlife

[Anonymous]

I want to restore my great grandmother’s treadle sewing machine. So Instarted researching how and then I’ve gotten a practice machine. It is interesting to research how all of the parts work and restoration practices.

It has also led me down the path of restoring my grandfather’s antique clock.

I can do these things in brief bits of time. My DH and I enjoy looking for parts online or at estate sales or auctions. The actual work of restoring is satisfying. And there are lots of people willing to adopt a restored machine.

I am now working on teaching myself how to use the vintage sewing machine attachments. That is trickier since I don’t really sew. But my dog may have a fun Halloween costume this year if I can get this shirring foot to work.

I used to do more crafts until I realized I didn’t really want my house covered in batik or macrame projects.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sure you have heard the prompt: what did you enjoy doing when you were 9,10, 11 years old?

[Anonymous]

Birdwatching? Can be done alone or with others. Integrates fresh air and walking. Can be combined with photography and travel.

Volunteer work ?

[Anonymous]

Questions that may help guide:

Are you looking for something to do on your own or something more social with others?

Something regular like weekly or more random when you have a little time here and there?

Some kind of class to learn a new skill or new knowledge? Again, do you prefer to learn in your own or via a teacher or a class? Sometimes the latter two are good for motivation to keep going.

Would you want to add more responsibilities professionally?

I’m a few yrs older with kids abt the same ages and recently joined a book club that meets every other month. Gives me something to do and new friends to have deep discussion with.
Adding in some advocacy for a cause I’m passionate about. Adding in a new professional activity.

I found that I needed to branch out too but wanted something that involved others, not something to do on my own.

[Anonymous]

I want to offer a different perspective. I have family in Southern Europe who I visit several times a year, and I often reflect back on life there when I'm trying to make sense of aspects of life here. As all my relatives and acquaintances age, I don't know anyone who is searching for meaning in life while working, raising their families, and just getting older. They just live their lives. I think this preoccupation with finding some meaning or purpose in life is very much an American thing, a type of first world problem. We have so much yet paradoxically it is never enough.

I'm an empty nester and older than you and I get what you're saying, OP since I have similar thoughts, but I also want to say that it is okay, more than okay, to live in the present and be content with what you're doing right now, and who you are right now. One thing I'm trying to do is inject small moments of "joy" and discovery throughout my day like trying a new recipe, practicing a new skill, and making an effort to have dinner outdoors on cooler evenings.

[Anonymous]

3 months before I was to become an empty nester I started taking classes in Ballroom Dancing. I absolutely love it!! I'm having fun, making new friends, and moving my body. BEST DECISION EVER!!

[Anonymous]

Great ideas here for sports, meetups, music, crafts - I love knitting. Whatever you choose to explore there’s usually a pretty deep pool of people and experiences each interest offers.
For volunteer work you might find being a Court Appointed Special Advocate fulfilling.
https://www.fairfaxcasa.org/volunteer/

[Anonymous]

A long time ago when I was completely lost trying to figure out what to do with my life, a mentor suggested I take a career inventory assessment. I forget which one it was I took but it was very accurate in identifying my personality and what I gravitate towards. It’s not only for finding what jobs to look for—it was helpful in guiding me to explore specific interests in general. My husband even referenced it today regarding how accurate it was, which is why I’m probably mentioning it now on this thread.

There are so many questionable assessments people make up. I took one at my community college. Maybe something like that could give you guidance. Think it was called ‘career inventory test’ or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a dog? I train and compete my dog in a handful of dog sports and it is almost all middle aged women! Some never had kids, but a lot are empty nesters looking to raise and nurture another "thing" after finishing up with their kids.

You can commit as much or as little time and money as you choose (and some sports are more time/money intensive than others). Generally classes are $200 every 4-6 weeks (but you can train a lot of it at home once you know what you're doing) and competitions are $10-30/run depending on the activity. (A full day of competition is usually around $100). You can train and never compete, compete sporadically, or be out there all day every weekend.

I've done agility, lure coursing, rally obedience, disc, nose work, dog diving. Agility is the biggest commitment to training (you need access to equipment) but it's also been the most rewarding to me because you can see your dog's brain learn new skills so clearly. Disc has the nicest people I've ever met and has brought me some of my closest adult friends. The sports get me outside, moderately active, boost serotonin levels, and are relatively affordable.

My favorite part is that it's accessible to all ages so while your kids are at home they can participate too and you have an activity to do together.

[Anonymous]

I’m now in my early 50s and I have been working on the same challenge for about 5-7 years and in that time have cycled through a number of different hobbies.

The one that has stuck is pickleball - its athletic and social and you can do it into your 80s. I’ve met people in a wide range of ages playing and I can play when I travel. It is definitely not a fad that is going to fade out - tons of money is going into this sport.

I’m also hoping that walking soccer comes to the DC area. I think I would love that one.

[Anonymous]

I have been looking for a hobby for a long time and came to the realization that there isn’t one thing I can get passionate about. So I decided to just be a bit more active (gym, tennis once a week) and improve my social life (make new friends and rekindle old friendships). This has been very fulfilling for me. The search for a passion was pointless, I have none.

[Anonymous]

I agree with so many other posts on here. I have a husband, two young kids, and a full-time job. I also am one of those people who volunteers for everything, so have an exhaustive list there. I'm in my early 40s and for the first time in a long time, feel like I can have my own interests again that are just for me and just fun. I've started playing tennis weekly and also taking a swim team class for adults twice a week. It's brought so much joy, learning, and challenge again - plus great health benefits. I would suggest like others before me - just try something new and see if you like it. Don't think too hard about it. If you don't like it - try a few more things. Honestly, just having some "me time" to do something that isn't stressful or demanding and has me learning or moving in a new way has been really fun after so many years of being so career and kid focused.

[Anonymous]

Potomac Appalachian Club Trail crew?
They are hardworking fun groups. Some build and repars cabins. It would get you out for a weekend. Try different teams till you find one you like.
Smart trying to figure this out now and not later.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I started doing martial arts (a women’s class) about a year and a half ago. I am in better shape than I have ever been and I love it. Agree with Pp who says try a bunch of things and see what sticks. I never would have guessed this would be “the thing”.

[Anonymous]

np here, any suggestions for travel groups.