Wife calls me lazy in front of the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP: quit your job and be a house husband. Maybe get a part-time job doing something you enjoy. Your wife and earn the money and pay all the bills for a change.

We wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage. As I said, my job pays the bills. She works to have a life outside of the house. She does help with expenses such as sports, tutoring, gym memberships, kids clothing.

So your kids can’t live a middle class lifestyle on your salary alone. You can’t afford for her to SAH. So get over yourself and start contributing.

They could live on my salary alone. Some people work for other reasons, and I mentioned that she works more to get out of the house and have a life outside.

If you can’t afford basics like clothes, and middle-class items like tutoring and sports, then her job isn’t “to get her out of the house” it’s to support household necessities.

I can afford these things, but she wants to contribute. People love to argue on this forum.

And insecure men like to treat their wives jobs as cute hobbies to justify their own laziness. Wives of high-earning men who have hobby jobs aren’t buying the clothes and paying for the kids tutors. Start treating your wife as the equal partner she is, and you start being an equal partner at home.

What the? Guys can never win.

Sure they can. They have to equally parent the children they equally created. If they can’t do school pickup because they’re at work, that means they do Saturday morning wake up.

Guys can’t win when they assume all they have to do is exist.

[Anonymous]

Hire a nanny and tell wife to get full time job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: quit your job and be a house husband. Maybe get a part-time job doing something you enjoy. Your wife and earn the money and pay all the bills for a change.

We wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage. As I said, my job pays the bills. She works to have a life outside of the house. She does help with expenses such as sports, tutoring, gym memberships, kids clothing.

So your kids can’t live a middle class lifestyle on your salary alone. You can’t afford for her to SAH. So get over yourself and start contributing.

They could live on my salary alone. Some people work for other reasons, and I mentioned that she works more to get out of the house and have a life outside.

If you can’t afford basics like clothes, and middle-class items like tutoring and sports, then her job isn’t “to get her out of the house” it’s to support household necessities.

I can afford these things, but she wants to contribute. People love to argue on this forum.

And insecure men like to treat their wives jobs as cute hobbies to justify their own laziness. Wives of high-earning men who have hobby jobs aren’t buying the clothes and paying for the kids tutors. Start treating your wife as the equal partner she is, and you start being an equal partner at home.

What the? Guys can never win.

Sure they can. They have to equally parent the children they equally created.If they can’t do school pickup because they’re at work, that means they do Saturday morning wake up.

Guys can’t win when they assume all they have to do is exist.

Never in the history of DCUM has this phenomenon been documented.

[Anonymous]

Find a nanny ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my husband. He works on his feet all day. I have an office job, full-time. But guess what, I'm tired too. Stop dumping all the work on her and step up. My entire life is one big game of chicken and it's exhausting. The resentment just builds and builds.

I've had both kinds of jobs. I've worked outside in the summer, 10 hour shifts. One job I did 14-16 hour shifts, 7 days a week. That is exhausting. For decades I've had an indoor career, sitting in front of a computer screen, reading and writing emails, and going to meetings. Very easy to do in a climate controlled office.

Now I'm old. But office work NEVER tires me out like real work does.

[Anonymous]

Both of you need to cut back on stuff like swim club, and fund a housecleaner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my husband. He works on his feet all day. I have an office job, full-time. But guess what, I'm tired too. Stop dumping all the work on her and step up. My entire life is one big game of chicken and it's exhausting. The resentment just builds and builds.

I've had both kinds of jobs. I've worked outside in the summer, 10 hour shifts. One job I did 14-16 hour shifts, 7 days a week. That is exhausting. For decades I've had an indoor career, sitting in front of a computer screen, reading and writing emails, and going to meetings. Very easy to do in a climate controlled office.

Now I'm old. But office work NEVER tires me out like real work does.

Real work? My job requires quick decision making with real consequences. It is mentally exhausting, so dealing with the mental load on top of it is a lot. My DH does not work outside, nor 14-16 hour shifts seven days a week. Parenting is a two person job. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a creative writing exercise?

Yes, F for fail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married to a hard working dh, he also would come home and be too tired to engage with the family. That used to be okay when women stayed at home but we work now also. The end of the story is that your kids will grow up and not be interested in having a relationship with you because as they see it, and social media has spun it, you didn’t “earn” that from them. So try to do better there where you can even if it’s board games, puzzles, reading and not throwing the ball. As for your wife, it’s never okay to disrespect the spouse in front of the kids/others and you absolutely should discuss this with her. That’s not okay.

Nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade, and teaching your kids that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you are lazy. If you are lazy, your kids probably already noticed. Her calling you out will not be a shock to them.

+1

It’s be psychotic to pretend lazy person was not lazy.

It’s also be destructive to create entitlement and misogyny examples for one’s kids. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ste you the husband from the “DH won’t take kid swimming” thread?

Troll baby did them all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No matter what you do, it is toxic for her to call you lazy in front of the kids. It will taint their relationship with both of you and may cause them to overwork and people please.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your wife.

So there’s no so thing as a lazy person in your world?

And if there is, is anyone allowed to address the lazy Lazy Person’s laziness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get up and do stuff when she is up doing stuff. It can be stuff that you kind of like doing around the house. It doesn’t have to be swimming.

She just doesn’t want to see you playing on your phone or watching TV when she is up doing stuff around the house.

Hide in the guest room and take a nap! Works for me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my husband. He works on his feet all day. I have an office job, full-time. But guess what, I'm tired too. Stop dumping all the work on her and step up. My entire life is one big game of chicken and it's exhausting. The resentment just builds and builds.

I've had both kinds of jobs. I've worked outside in the summer, 10 hour shifts. One job I did 14-16 hour shifts, 7 days a week. That is exhausting. For decades I've had an indoor career, sitting in front of a computer screen, reading and writing emails, and going to meetings. Very easy to do in a climate controlled office.

Now I'm old. But office work NEVER tires me out like real work does.

Real work? My job requires quick decision making with real consequences. It is mentally exhausting, so dealing with the mental load on top of it is a lot. My DH does not work outside, nor 14-16 hour shifts seven days a week. Parenting is a two person job. Full stop.

So you're an air traffic controller?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids need their dad.

Everyone who was a kid knows that mom taking you to the pool is not the same as dad coming along. Dad will throw you in the water and encourage you to do stuff you normally wouldn’t do and maybe he will invent a game or get in a fight with the lifeguard. You never know what will happen when dad’s there.

Kids need that. I get that you are tired, and probably pissed at your wife, but you have to do stuff with your kids after you get home from work.

His mere physical presence in the house after 6pm is enough. He’s a “dad”, no need to do any real parenting or childcare stuff or interacting.