Unsupportive spouse health issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised they’d discharge you home if you’re unable to get out of bed independently. Did you do a consult with occupational therapy before or after the surgery?

I’m not. Hospitals nowadays boot you out as soon as you’re not actively in a medical crisis (which OP isn’t). Also, they surely knew she had a spouse and expected they would help.

This is so true. People are shoved out of hospitals (and sometimes, out of rehab centers) as quickly as possible now, thanks to insurance companies' tightfistedness. And when people go home, their families are not always capable of caring for them at the level needed, at least not at first. I know several people who have been discharged from hospitals and ended up going back due to just being sent home too damned early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The questions other posters are asking about type of surgery and duration of recovery are important. Similarly, your insurance should be covering an aide if it is medically necessary.

If it is medically necessary, and insurance isn’t covering it, appeal to insurance but in the meantime hire someone for additional hours. You can say to your husband you feel like he’s not supportive of your recovery but you cannot force him to want to being you a breakfast tray if that’s not the way he feels. Don’t compromise your recovery waiting for an attentive spouse if you don’t have one.

What if OP does not have money to hire that extra home health aide for additional hours? And do you know how long insurance appeals can take, PP? OP might need to fork out extra money she does not have for months and months while waiting to hear from insurance. Do you think even if she wins an appeal, it'll retroactively pay back what she's paid for that extra home help you so blithely advise her to get?

People on this forum can be so clueless sometimes about how hard and expensive it can be to get home health care, even for a few "additional hours."

And it's OP, not you, who will hear it constantly from the DH if he's pi$$ed that they spent more money on more home help. Even if he is the real reason they did so.

[Anonymous]

What is even the point of being married if you can't depend on your spouse for support like this? I'm really sorry, OP. This sounds so upsetting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The questions other posters are asking about type of surgery and duration of recovery are important. Similarly, your insurance should be covering an aide if it is medically necessary.

If it is medically necessary, and insurance isn’t covering it, appeal to insurance but in the meantime hire someone for additional hours. You can say to your husband you feel like he’s not supportive of your recovery but you cannot force him to want to being you a breakfast tray if that’s not the way he feels. Don’t compromise your recovery waiting for an attentive spouse if you don’t have one.

What if OP does not have money to hire that extra home health aide for additional hours? And do you know how long insurance appeals can take, PP? OP might need to fork out extra money she does not have for months and months while waiting to hear from insurance. Do you think even if she wins an appeal, it'll retroactively pay back what she's paid for that extra home help you so blithely advise her to get?

People on this forum can be so clueless sometimes about how hard and expensive it can be to get home health care, even for a few "additional hours."

And it's OP, not you, who will hear it constantly from the DH if he's pi$$ed that they spent more money on more home help. Even if he is the real reason they did so.

Yeah... insurance doesn't cover unskilled/custodial care at home. Sure, they might on paper, if they agree it meets their criteria for medical necessity. That's a big if, and it actually doesn't matter anyway because their reimbursement rate is set so low that no home health agencies can actually afford to accept the cases. As the PP says, you can certainly hire a private duty aide but it is $$$$.

[Anonymous]

OP never mentioned gender, guys. Funny how you all assume she's a woman and spouse is a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP never mentioned gender, guys. Funny how you all assume she's a woman and spouse is a man.

True, but are we all wrong, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is even the point of being married if you can't depend on your spouse for support like this? I'm really sorry, OP. This sounds so upsetting.

+1

I would really just call him out and say making you feel guilty for needing help isn't acceptable. Marriage has benefits but it also requires sacrifices of us. someday he is going to need help too.