Question for People that don't have affairs, do you regret it.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if the PP with the newly lesbian partner really had a change in orientation or if she was bi from the start and just happened to fall in love with this other woman whilst married. A convenient way to have your cake and eat it too if you say it’s because you’re gay and not because you started an affair. Did PP know she was gay and tell her DH and then subsequently start dating women? I wouldn’t trust this at all. And I certainly would be out having my own fun after that treachery.

[Anonymous]

I do, if the logistics of it weren’t so difficult, I would have done it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorta regret it. I dunno, spouse is a good person but I'm just so bored having sex with the same person. It's like living a groundhog day over and over.

I get all the other points raised in the thread and that's the thing, there's just no clean way to do this without a lot of baggage and complications. A hall pass kinda thing sounds nice in theory but there's baggage and logistical complications there.

This is so spot on. We rarely have sex and I just don’t care. Maybe I’d feel differently with a different partner as We’ve lost all physically and emotional connection. I just can’t see cheating. I’d feel too guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never come close to physically cheating but I did have a really intense friendship that was pretty close to all consuming. If sex were added to that relationship I am pretty sure I’d be typing this from an efficiency apartment.

PP, are you saying you wouldn't do it because you would lose all your assets? This has to be a big reason for many. The safety and security of a marriage is why most men who do have affairs won't leave the marriage-$$. If you have children this exacerbates the dilemma.

[Anonymous]

If one spouse decides that they no longer want and will offer any intimacy to the relationship I think that going outside of the marriage is acceptable. Accident or physical reasons not withstanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse decides that they no longer want and will offer any intimacy to the relationship I think that going outside of the marriage is acceptable. Accident or physical reasons not withstanding.

why not make this arrangement with the spouse instead of lying about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse decides that they no longer want and will offer any intimacy to the relationship I think that going outside of the marriage is acceptable. Accident or physical reasons not withstanding.

why not make this arrangement with the spouse instead of lying about it?

Some people in this thread have made this arrangement. It's complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse decides that they no longer want and will offer any intimacy to the relationship I think that going outside of the marriage is acceptable. Accident or physical reasons not withstanding.

why not make this arrangement with the spouse instead of lying about it?

Some people in this thread have made this arrangement. It's complicated.

And it’s really complicated when they are doing it with a married person who IS still have regular sex with their spouse. Horrifying when you are that spouse.

This reinforces why never in my life have I cheated on anyone. The pain and mind f”””k is real. They really don’t think about the kids and spouses and life fallout, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think they’re worth the mess and potential fallout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think they’re worth the mess and potential fallout.

I think its better to have a clean cut and start fresh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If one spouse decides that they no longer want and will offer any intimacy to the relationship I think that going outside of the marriage is acceptable. Accident or physical reasons not withstanding.

why not make this arrangement with the spouse instead of lying about it?

Asking for it puts you on the path to divorce. I know. Cheating was a better alternative until kids finished high school. We were barely talking anyway. I regret asking for an open marriage instead of just cheating…in my 30s and had not had sex in 5 years. Asking for an open marriage seems like a solution, but really it just brings more problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a tough spot with this. Have HS age kids and my spouse has asked that we stay married until they are off to college. We are basically sexless and I can't stay in a relationship with no connection and intimacy.

Seems there is a path to divorce while still living under the same roof.

Sorry if this is a dumb question but if you’re just in a marriage of convenience, why wouldn’t you just give each other permission to have sex with other people?

Because people are controlling and don’t want to give that permission

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never come close to physically cheating but I did have a really intense friendship that was pretty close to all consuming. If sex were added to that relationship I am pretty sure I’d be typing this from an efficiency apartment.

PP, are you saying you wouldn't do it because you would lose all your assets? This has to be a big reason for many. The safety and security of a marriage is why most men who do have affairs won't leave the marriage-$$. If you have children this exacerbates the dilemma.

Not exactly, I can earn back any money I lose and be just fine. The efficiency apartment is like an illustration of a depressed place, hurt spouse, confused and disappointed kids etc.