Question for People that don't have affairs, do you regret it.

[Anonymous]

No I don't regret it. It was very hard and I had opportunities but would remove myself from the situation when those came up. Love my time with my children too much to brake the marriage up. Thankfully after 8 years things changed and sex started back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No I don't regret it. It was very hard and I had opportunities but would remove myself from the situation when those came up. Love my time with my children too much to brake the marriage up. Thankfully after 8 years things changed and sex started back

What change brought sex back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in a sexless marriage with a lot of love, and no. My spouse has given me permission to have sex with someone else, but I don't. Involving myself with another person without disrupting my family life is going to be a lot of work, on a practical front, and it's a violation of the vow I took before God, so I don't do it.

Why would your wife just not be intimate with you? Medical situation or just the kitchen is closed?

Midlife sexual orientation change.

Hmm, but is she then having sex with women now?

Yes, she has a girlfriend. I love her and my family and personally don't want to have sex with someone else, so I sacrifice sex to keep my family, but I don't force that on her. I'm happy.

Keep believing you’re happy… Stop being her doormat.

She gave him permission. He isn’t being a doormat. I wouldn’t do what he is doing but he is sticking to his morals and that’s admirable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a tough spot with this. Have HS age kids and my spouse has asked that we stay married until they are off to college. We are basically sexless and I can't stay in a relationship with no connection and intimacy.

Seems there is a path to divorce while still living under the same roof.

Sorry if this is a dumb question but if you’re just in a marriage of convenience, why wouldn’t you just give each other permission to have sex with other people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in a tough spot with this. Have HS age kids and my spouse has asked that we stay married until they are off to college. We are basically sexless and I can't stay in a relationship with no connection and intimacy.

Seems there is a path to divorce while still living under the same roof.

Sorry if this is a dumb question but if you’re just in a marriage of convenience, why wouldn’t you just give each other permission to have sex with other people?

If we could agree in writing that marriage is effectively over then I would consider that. Spouse won’t agree at all. I would want it to be accepted that marriage is over before engaging with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were to cheat, and my spouse were to find out, our marriage would likely be over. My kids would be devastated, their whole world would be turned upside down, as would mine. As tbh would my financial situation (DH and I make approx the same salary, so its not like Im dependent upon his salary to live some extravagant lifestyle, but we have a nice dual-income life). I dont hate my husband, he is a perfectly fine partner/father and a good friend. Blowing it all up isnt worth it to me, sexless marriage or not.

Exactly. I can have little crushes in my head. I'd never act on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have never cheated on anyone. I don't regret it.

It would be hard for me to cheat. I see myself as extremely loyal, and anyone who would be trying to cheat with me would have to see me very differently from how I see myself. It would be impossible for me to be attracted to someone who does not see me the way I see myself. I couldn't do a one night stand either.

I am too full of myself to cheat or to regret not cheating.😉

+1 I don’t have the cheating gene

I’m a very honest/loyal person. And let me tell you—over the years (single and married)—I was given a lot of opportunity and propositions.

Just made me think very lowly of the person trying…scummy

I think the “it can’t happen to me crowd” is most at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have never cheated on anyone. I don't regret it.

It would be hard for me to cheat. I see myself as extremely loyal, and anyone who would be trying to cheat with me would have to see me very differently from how I see myself. It would be impossible for me to be attracted to someone who does not see me the way I see myself. I couldn't do a one night stand either.

I am too full of myself to cheat or to regret not cheating.😉

+1 I don’t have the cheating gene

I’m a very honest/loyal person. And let me tell you—over the years (single and married)—I was given a lot of opportunity and propositions.

Just made me think very lowly of the person trying…scummy

I think the “it can’t happen to me crowd” is most at risk.

Most risk of being cheated on because they believe in honesty/loyalty/integrity and think the one they marry is the same.

Most risk of cheating are your everyday Hos, alcholics/addicts, bipolar, narcissists, daddy issues, have many friends that are cheaters and those that grew up with parents that cheated or had trauma in their childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have never cheated on anyone. I don't regret it.

It would be hard for me to cheat. I see myself as extremely loyal, and anyone who would be trying to cheat with me would have to see me very differently from how I see myself. It would be impossible for me to be attracted to someone who does not see me the way I see myself. I couldn't do a one night stand either.

I am too full of myself to cheat or to regret not cheating.😉

+1 I don’t have the cheating gene

I’m a very honest/loyal person. And let me tell you—over the years (single and married)—I was given a lot of opportunity and propositions.

Just made me think very lowly of the person trying…scummy

I think the “it can’t happen to me crowd” is most at risk.

Most risk of being cheated on because they believe in honesty/loyalty/integrity and think the one they marry is the same.

Most risk of cheating are your everyday Hos, alcholics/addicts, bipolar, narcissists, daddy issues, have many friends that are cheaters and those that grew up with parents that cheated or had trauma in their childhood.

That's a lot of people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in a sexless marriage with a lot of love, and no. My spouse has given me permission to have sex with someone else, but I don't. Involving myself with another person without disrupting my family life is going to be a lot of work, on a practical front, and it's a violation of the vow I took before God, so I don't do it.

Why would your wife just not be intimate with you? Medical situation or just the kitchen is closed?

Midlife sexual orientation change.

Hmm, but is she then having sex with women now?

Yes, she has a girlfriend. I love her and my family and personally don't want to have sex with someone else, so I sacrifice sex to keep my family, but I don't force that on her. I'm happy.

I'm in a similar situation. What do you think the future looks like? It's been a couple years and people seem content in the moment, but I have a tough time envisioning what happens after the kids are raised.

Love my spouse. No desire for anyone, so I don't mind the other partner.... but there is no roadmap for the long term.

[Anonymous]

Like... is your wife going to spend retirement with both you and her girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have never cheated on anyone. I don't regret it.

It would be hard for me to cheat. I see myself as extremely loyal, and anyone who would be trying to cheat with me would have to see me very differently from how I see myself. It would be impossible for me to be attracted to someone who does not see me the way I see myself. I couldn't do a one night stand either.

I am too full of myself to cheat or to regret not cheating.😉

+1 I don’t have the cheating gene

I’m a very honest/loyal person. And let me tell you—over the years (single and married)—I was given a lot of opportunity and propositions.

Just made me think very lowly of the person trying…scummy

I think the “it can’t happen to me crowd” is most at risk.

Most risk of being cheated on because they believe in honesty/loyalty/integrity and think the one they marry is the same.

Most risk of cheating are your everyday Hos, alcholics/addicts, bipolar, narcissists, daddy issues, have many friends that are cheaters and those that grew up with parents that cheated or had trauma in their childhood.

That's a lot of people

Which is why cheating rates are so high. They really are close to 60% by the time you have been in a 25 year+ marriage. The 25% thing has been debunked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like... is your wife going to spend retirement with both you and her girlfriend?

Yeah, what is the end game

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in a sexless marriage with a lot of love, and no. My spouse has given me permission to have sex with someone else, but I don't. Involving myself with another person without disrupting my family life is going to be a lot of work, on a practical front, and it's a violation of the vow I took before God, so I don't do it.

Why would your wife just not be intimate with you? Medical situation or just the kitchen is closed?

Midlife sexual orientation change.

Hmm, but is she then having sex with women now?

Yes, she has a girlfriend. I love her and my family and personally don't want to have sex with someone else, so I sacrifice sex to keep my family, but I don't force that on her. I'm happy.

I was in this situation and we divorced. Yours does not seem sustainable long term. Be careful as you may end financially screwed as well. Do the kids know ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in a sexless marriage with a lot of love, and no. My spouse has given me permission to have sex with someone else, but I don't. Involving myself with another person without disrupting my family life is going to be a lot of work, on a practical front, and it's a violation of the vow I took before God, so I don't do it.

Why would your wife just not be intimate with you? Medical situation or just the kitchen is closed?

Midlife sexual orientation change.

Same. My ex came out as gay midlife. I regret not holding higher standards in the beginning of the marriage and maybe leaving earlier. No I don't regret doing bad behavior like cheating. It's not something I would consider. I do regret waiting this long to get out of the marriage or finding a way to live with him longer for the kids just to extract more money and help.

Why would you guys not just divorce??? This is insane to me. It's 2023.