First Holidays After New Baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will be the MIL. Remember that.

Just include your in-laws. It’s not a big deal to have two extra people.

I dunno. I hope when my children are grown, I’ve either worked to have a good relationship with them and their spouses or at least understand that they will prioritize their own needs from time to time.

No one is being blocked from seeing the baby in this situation. I don’t think it’s a good idea to normalize new parents being miserable.

Marriage means there are two families and you do not play favorites. I had a family member who drove my DH bonkers with her constant talking but we only saw her a couple of times a year. He was always welcoming to her.
I would have been furious if he had ever suggested that I not invite her to a holiday gathering.

It does not bode well for a marriage if you are rude and unwelcoming to your spouses relatives.

OP here. This was DH’s suggestion. I don’t really know why I’m responding to an intentionally needling series of posts, but something about the way you assumed marital strife and a controlling/rude wife struck me as sexist.

I didn’t shy away from the fact we don’t have the easiest relationship with his parents—and naturally a different one from the one we have with my parents, given mine live in the same Virginia suburb as us and his are in Colorado—but we still looked for a way to include them and remain committed to doing so. We’ve also asked them to spend other holidays with us regularly, as I noted originally, which they’ve turned down. That is just the nature of the relationship, which is fine.

All that said though, the "big" holidays can bring out the stress and crazy in all of us, which we're just hoping to avoid as much as possible this year.

But anyways, good news—we got it all settled for this year and appreciate the advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will be the MIL. Remember that.

Just include your in-laws. It’s not a big deal to have two extra people.

I dunno. I hope when my children are grown, I’ve either worked to have a good relationship with them and their spouses or at least understand that they will prioritize their own needs from time to time.

No one is being blocked from seeing the baby in this situation. I don’t think it’s a good idea to normalize new parents being miserable.

Marriage means there are two families and you do not play favorites. I had a family member who drove my DH bonkers with her constant talking but we only saw her a couple of times a year. He was always welcoming to her.
I would have been furious if he had ever suggested that I not invite her to a holiday gathering.

It does not bode well for a marriage if you are rude and unwelcoming to your spouses relatives.

OP here. This was DH’s suggestion. I don’t really know why I’m responding to an intentionally needling series of posts, but something about the way you assumed marital strife and a controlling/rude wife struck me as sexist.

I didn’t shy away from the fact we don’t have the easiest relationship with his parents—and naturally a different one from the one we have with my parents, given mine live in the same Virginia suburb as us and his are in Colorado—but we still looked for a way to include them and remain committed to doing so. We’ve also asked them to spend other holidays with us regularly, as I noted originally, which they’ve turned down. That is just the nature of the relationship, which is fine.

All that said though, the "big" holidays can bring out the stress and crazy in all of us, which we're just hoping to avoid as much as possible this year.

But anyways, good news—we got it all settled for this year and appreciate the advice.

Me thinks you doeth protest too much!

[Anonymous]

They should come for Christmas, stay in a hotel, and “host” the big meal at the hotel. They can come to your house for breakfast and presents in the AM, then to the hotel for dinner. Or for Christmas Eve dinner, or whatever.

Also consider just celebrating it on the 23rd or 27th or whatever if everyone is okay with it. Flying on Christmas Day is great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someday you will be the MIL. Remember that.

Just include your in-laws. It’s not a big deal to have two extra people.

I dunno. I hope when my children are grown, I’ve either worked to have a good relationship with them and their spouses or at least understand that they will prioritize their own needs from time to time.

No one is being blocked from seeing the baby in this situation. I don’t think it’s a good idea to normalize new parents being miserable.

Marriage means there are two families and you do not play favorites. I had a family member who drove my DH bonkers with her constant talking but we only saw her a couple of times a year. He was always welcoming to her.
I would have been furious if he had ever suggested that I not invite her to a holiday gathering.

It does not bode well for a marriage if you are rude and unwelcoming to your spouses relatives.

OP here. This was DH’s suggestion. I don’t really know why I’m responding to an intentionally needling series of posts, but something about the way you assumed marital strife and a controlling/rude wife struck me as sexist.

I didn’t shy away from the fact we don’t have the easiest relationship with his parents—and naturally a different one from the one we have with my parents, given mine live in the same Virginia suburb as us and his are in Colorado—but we still looked for a way to include them and remain committed to doing so. We’ve also asked them to spend other holidays with us regularly, as I noted originally, which they’ve turned down. That is just the nature of the relationship, which is fine.

All that said though, the "big" holidays can bring out the stress and crazy in all of us, which we're just hoping to avoid as much as possible this year.

But anyways, good news—we got it all settled for this year and appreciate the advice.

Me thinks you doeth protest too much!

A real zinger.

[Anonymous]

My ILs came for Christmas when I was 2mo pp but they did everything and I was not expected to lift a finger. I fed the baby, slept, and ate. They and DH did all the cooking, housework, and handled the baby while I napped. Can’t imagine asking a new mother to host anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs came for Christmas when I was 2mo pp but they did everything and I was not expected to lift a finger. I fed the baby, slept, and ate. They and DH did all the cooking, housework, and handled the baby while I napped. Can’t imagine asking a new mother to host anything.

+1

Also, there is no way I would want the baby to be around a lot of people at that age.