Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids

[Anonymous]

Do what works for you. I kept my maiden name at marriage mostly for professional reasons. But I changed it 3 years later just before having our first child. I worried it might be a pregnancy related mistake. But I’ve been fine with the new name ever since. I added the last name and professionally use my maiden name as a middle name. Official IDs have 4 names : first, original middle, maiden as middle, new last. Probably odd but it works for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women keep their names but give the husband's name to the kids?

I felt it was important to acknowledge his paternity. Everyone knows the child is MINE - I gave birth. Only I know who the father is. Giving the child the father's last name was a way to publicly acknowledge that.

Why feel a need to "publicly acknowledge" paternity unless you believe strangers might question paternity? And why would they?

I kept my longer, somewhat complicated last name (I simply like it plus I use it professionally) and DC has DH's last name, which is simpler to spell and deal with, and also a name we like.

But no thought of "This will acknowledge DC's paternity" ever even entered our minds. Why would it? Did you grow up with some situation where someone's paternity was questioned because "only the mom knows for sure"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t relate tbh. My 9yo has my husbands last name and it has literally never come up or been an issue in 9.5 years.

+1

My 22-year-old has my DH's last name, and we've never had a single question or issue in 22 years. Preschool through college, no issues or confusion.

I've been called "Mrs. HusbandLastName" over the years a few times at DC's activites for instance, and I'll answer to it without a thought, since I happen to love my DH's family and I'm never offended if I'm not called by my own last name. It's just no big deal if I get called that name; most folks figure it out fast. But in terms of confusion on class rosters or medical documents or insurance or bank issues--nope, never once a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.

This is only true in more liberal leaning areas, usually urban areas. But there are many conservative or conservative leaning areas, including some conservative leaning urban areas where this is not anywhere close to the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women keep their names but give the husband's name to the kids?

For those who have an interest in genealogy, this is the standard and helps tracking families through generations easier. Yes, you can still trace the family through the mother's name, but naming children after the mother and record keeping based on maternal names, is just more work as this was not the norm until this century.

[Anonymous]

After 25 years of marriage, I decided that I prefer my maiden name and so use it as often as I can. I kept maiden name as middle name so just lop off my married surname.

My maiden name is very pretty and my married name is not; something like Winter married to a Himmelfarb!

[Anonymous]

My husband was adopted so his name wasn’t really his technically. My family name has a long researched history, so I kept mine, with no plans to change it. Never been an issue at school with our child who has his last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Are you male or female?

[Anonymous]

I would change it socially but not legally. Just tell people you are Ms Larlo. At work you can explain that you go by Larlo socially but legally you are still Larla.

I know several women who do this and it is a reasonable approach. Lots of women have strong feelings about taking a husband's name, and those feelings generally fade as they age.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually planning the same thing op. So you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what works for you. I kept my maiden name at marriage mostly for professional reasons. But I changed it 3 years later just before having our first child. I worried it might be a pregnancy related mistake. But I’ve been fine with the new name ever since. I added the last name and professionally use my maiden name as a middle name. Official IDs have 4 names : first, original middle, maiden as middle, new last. Probably odd but it works for me.

Similar - I waited a couple years to change my name shortly before having our first child. Didn't put a lot of thought into it, but figured I might as well. Also moved my maiden name to be a second middle name and it works for me. Only received one annoying comment from an elderly poll worker, "My my, you have a lot of names!" but other than that it's been fine.

However, I got lazy and only changed my name with SS, driver's license, work, and one bank account. Other accounts and my passport are still in my maiden name. The paperwork can get to be a hassle.

I say all that to say, do what works for you OP. Probably not worth changing at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women keep their names but give the husband's name to the kids?

Because they want to?

It's more an issue to change a name of someone who has lived with a name for almost 30 years than it is to give a newborn a name of their father, no identity confusion there. So it's not necessarily about being anti-patriarchal customs, it's about inconvenience and having an established name/identity already.