Married ten years and thinking of changing my name to DH's/my kids

[Anonymous]

I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t. I changed my name and regret it. This will blow over and it’s not really that big of a deal to clear up the initial confusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t. I changed my name and regret it. This will blow over and it’s not really that big of a deal to clear up the initial confusion.

That is my gut instinct too. Seems like such a pain and kind of weird at this point. But I keep getting bday party invites to "DD's name Mylastname" and feeling kind of weird about it.

[Anonymous]

I can’t relate tbh. My 9yo has my husbands last name and it has literally never come up or been an issue in 9.5 years.

[Anonymous]

It's not crazy to change it, but there are also simpler solutions if other people's confusion is your main motivation.

"Hi, I'm Larlo Smith. My kids are Larline and Larlo Jones."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

Same - I have my original name and it's never been an eyebrow-raiser. My kids have DH's last name. Friends of mine have two children; one has the mother's last name, the other has the father's. NBD.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you need to change your name officially, but you could feel free to go by either/both names in any given situation

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking about changing to my DH's last name too, after 24 years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

If anything, hyphenate your kids' names. I tried to cash a check for my child and the bank wouldn't let me, possibly because of different last names. Sometimes I get left out of the loop on emails because people don't know I'm the mother.

[Anonymous]

Just keep your name but use your kids name for all the school stuff. Answer to both in different situations but officially, your name is your name. Done this for years and it works fine.

[Anonymous]

I did change my name but I heard at the time (12 years ago) that it's much more difficult/annoying after 2 years. I finally decided at the 2 year mark b/c we needed passports and I figured now or never (with the increased difficulty after 2 years in mind)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.

Not my experience. Are you in the suburbs perhaps? Not like, really an "urban mom?" (I think this is 90% of readership, so not calling you out specifically) but yes, in my UMC to wealthy area of DC proper most women (these days) keep their names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name when I got married. I had always assumed I would, but when the time came, it just didn't feel right and my husband was ambivalent. It has never been an issue, and I am pretty low-key about it - I don't correct people if they call me by DH's last name, I will address our Christmas card as "The DH's Last Names," and somehow my bank still lets me cash checks with his last name on it.

Ten years later, we have two kids, one in elementary school, and it has finally become a bit of a pain. People assume that my DD has my last name and it can be confusing when meeting new parents and teachers, she has asked about it and accepts my explanation but seems a little bothered, and it was never that big of a deal to me to begin with. A lot of families in our neighborhood will meet me first, since I am pretty active, and then assume we all have my name. I correct them and it's not a big deal but I have noticed that almost no one in our community has kept their maiden name.

Is it crazy to consider changing it legally now?

Where is this? In my community in DC keeping your name is the default.

Almost all UMC changes name. Even wannabe UMCs like big law associates when married they change name. Not changing is middle class. Lower and upper change.

This is somewhat true, I hadn't really thought of it that much before... I think that most or maybe a significant part of the middle class do change too, but I agree, if they don't they are almost always middle class.