“I’d rather have a happy kid at UMD than a miserable one at Harvard”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This is absolutely false. When a parent withholds love from a child early on and only grants it when the child is achieving, the child will do anything for the love. Period. To assume they would rebel is naive.

By the time they are an adult, they will feel resentment.

+1. I know lots of my peers have lots of issues with their overbearing parents but don't have the energy or boldness to confront them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK.. I have a friend who went to Harvard and hated every minute of it. They hated the people, and I think the weather made them unhappy, too. They were also originally from CA.

They transferred to Cal and was much happier.

Obviously, Cal is pretty prestigious, too, but I do think certain personalities wouldn't like certain types of schools.

Cal is more of a pressure cooker and the weather isn’t great either…bay area is pretty gray

? I lived in the Bay Area for over 10 years. You might be thinking of SF proper. Cal is not in SF proper. The weather in the Bay Area is gorgeous. Clearly, you have never lived there.

And yes, people do transfer out of Harvard. Granted this was many decades ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ives are actually easier to graduate. It’s the large flagship state schools that are cutthroat.

To some extent, IMO, this is true. Ivies won't let you fail because it makes their overall GPA look bad. They will do everything they can, including let you withdraw a week before finals and take an incomplete, and retake the class numerous times until you pass.

Publics won't let you do that. You either sink or swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The premise for this is flawed. University of Maryland college park has gotten really hard to get into.

In what way does that relate to a premise for "I'd rather have a happy kid at UMD than a miserable one at Harvard"?

[Anonymous]

UMD CS kid >> Harvard English kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ives are actually easier to graduate. It’s the large flagship state schools that are cutthroat.

To some extent, IMO, this is true. Ivies won't let you fail because it makes their overall GPA look bad. They will do everything they can, including let you withdraw a week before finals and take an incomplete, and retake the class numerous times until you pass.

Publics won't let you do that. You either sink or swim.

Schools do not care about their "overall GPA." What they care about is "overall graduation rate."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s about the size and culture of the school. It’s Alonso about being prepared and finding a good fit with academic peers. I chose a small private school over a large public one. When I struggled freshman year, people noticed and intervened. I was around academic peers so I was challenged, but not overwhelmed and intimidated.

It is unlikely that a child who gets into a very competitive and rigorous school is going to completely burn out or flounder. All of the work they did to gain entry should have prepared them - unless it was actually the parent propping them up and doing some of the work. If a child ends up isolated and burned out, it is likely a mental health issue. I would argue that small, selective schools that naturally attract high achieving students are better prepared to monitor and intervene when students are in crisis or heading there.

This is a bizarre take. Plenty of people burn out and flounder in high intensity environments. Does it ruin their lives forever? Generally, no. But it definitely happens. I was at an elite school and just off the top of my head, I have friends who:
- burnt out/started failing classes and drinking too much and took a semester off for mental health reasons (he came back as a different major, was able to graduate on time, seems fine now)
- developed severe mental health problems and had to struggle through misdiagnosis (probably due just to age range -- she had bipolar that was incorrectly diagnosed as depression at first and that went really poorly) and eventually left the school and came back to finish her degree part time while also working over about 9 years
- suffered through severe depression in STEM grad school to eventually give up and move home with her parents for a few years to heal (she's a lawyer now)
- got into grad school but was dealing with so much diagnosed/untreated ADHD she wasn't able to complete the paperwork to actually attend the school in time and lost her place (now a high school teacher)

Those are some of the more extreme cases. I think most of us made some pretty unhealthy choices and burnt out to some degree or another. I think part of the issue was that everyone at that school was used to being top of their class and suddenly half of us were below average. We all had to find new self-identities that weren't "the smart kid" because that applied to literally everyone. We all had to learn how to work hard and study in ways we may not have done when we were younger, especially those of us coming from more rural/less competitive high schools. Most of us were able to figure it out and most of us were mostly happy but it's disingenuous to say that rigorous and competitive schools don't cause burnout.

[Anonymous]

VERY, VERY few people are ever going to have those two options to choose from lmaof. Harvard has a 3% acceptance rate. And very, very few DMV kids are admitted any given year. Most public DMV high schools have ZERO Harvard admits, and even those that do and the privates are usually athletes or legacy.

So this is a very funny hypothetical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK.. I have a friend who went to Harvard and hated every minute of it. They hated the people, and I think the weather made them unhappy, too. They were also originally from CA.

They transferred to Cal and was much happier.

Obviously, Cal is pretty prestigious, too, but I do think certain personalities wouldn't like certain types of schools.

Cal is more of a pressure cooker and the weather isn’t great either…bay area is pretty gray

? I lived in the Bay Area for over 10 years. You might be thinking of SF proper. Cal is not in SF proper. The weather in the Bay Area is gorgeous. Clearly, you have never lived there.

And yes, people do transfer out of Harvard. Granted this was many decades ago.

I've never lived in the Bay Area? Sweetie, I attended Berkeley and lived in SF after graduation. Berkeley does not have "gorgeous" weather. You might have mixed it up with Los Angeles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It appears that the prevalence of suicide at colleges is correlated with prestige. T50 ones appear to have far more suicides.

Where is there any proof whatsoever for that?

A few years ago there was a report that surveyed 100 prominent schools and found that over half did not track or report suicides. How are you going to draw conclusions from those schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:VERY, VERY few people are ever going to have those two options to choose from lmaof. Harvard has a 3% acceptance rate. And very, very few DMV kids are admitted any given year. Most public DMV high schools have ZERO Harvard admits, and even those that do and the privates are usually athletes or legacy.

So this is a very funny hypothetical.

Agree with this. Also if you are choosing between Harvard and Maryland, you would probably be choosing between Harvard and Banneker-Key at UMD, which frankly means you get very special treatment at UMD. Banneker-Key is basically like a private experience within a public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK.. I have a friend who went to Harvard and hated every minute of it. They hated the people, and I think the weather made them unhappy, too. They were also originally from CA.

They transferred to Cal and was much happier.

Obviously, Cal is pretty prestigious, too, but I do think certain personalities wouldn't like certain types of schools.

Cal is more of a pressure cooker and the weather isn’t great either…bay area is pretty gray

? I lived in the Bay Area for over 10 years. You might be thinking of SF proper. Cal is not in SF proper. The weather in the Bay Area is gorgeous. Clearly, you have never lived there.

And yes, people do transfer out of Harvard. Granted this was many decades ago.

I've never lived in the Bay Area? Sweetie, I attended Berkeley and lived in SF after graduation. Berkeley does not have "gorgeous" weather. You might have mixed it up with Los Angeles?

Well, I lived in both the Bay Area and LA, and the Bay Area weather is much nicer. SF weather is not great, but Berkley is much nicer. Maybe you inhaled too much pot at Berkley and SF.

"Gorgeous" is subjective. I prefer Bay Area weather to LA weather (and I lived there for 25 years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ives are actually easier to graduate. It’s the large flagship state schools that are cutthroat.

To some extent, IMO, this is true. Ivies won't let you fail because it makes their overall GPA look bad. They will do everything they can, including let you withdraw a week before finals and take an incomplete, and retake the class numerous times until you pass.

Publics won't let you do that. You either sink or swim.

Schools do not care about their "overall GPA." What they care about is "overall graduation rate."

Students/parents (people who pay the fees) care about GPA. Top private schools tend to have the highest average GPAs. Some have very little headroom left for average GPAs based on a 4.0 cieiing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It appears that the prevalence of suicide at colleges is correlated with prestige. T50 ones appear to have far more suicides.

Where is there any proof whatsoever for that?

A few years ago there was a report that surveyed 100 prominent schools and found that over half did not track or report suicides. How are you going to draw conclusions from those schools?

Agree. Many schools do not track this metric, plus it also does not track factors like: attempted suicides, other "deaths of despair" like overdoses, or students who drop out or go on leave and commit suicide shortly after they drop out or go on leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ives are actually easier to graduate. It’s the large flagship state schools that are cutthroat.

To some extent, IMO, this is true. Ivies won't let you fail because it makes their overall GPA look bad. They will do everything they can, including let you withdraw a week before finals and take an incomplete, and retake the class numerous times until you pass.

Publics won't let you do that. You either sink or swim.

Schools do not care about their "overall GPA." What they care about is "overall graduation rate."

well, if you fail a class, you might withdraw, so it ends up being the same thing. Regardless, they won't let you fail. It makes them look bad.