Would you go to this anniversary party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go and wear your bridesmaid dress

So much this!! I'd pay a thousand dollars to watch this live.

OP, I’m normally timid and not the most confident, but I’d totally go wearing that dress. Takes the guess work out of what to wear. And how adorable! Your hat tip to your SIL’s big day!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, do what feels comfortable. Any couple who throws a one year anniversary party are headed straight for divorce in the next 5 years, max.

[Anonymous]

It's a huge bummer that you get migraines and are going to get one exactly one hour after arriving at this party.

[Anonymous]

How far away is this party? If more than a 25 min drive I wouldn’t put in the effort.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a real anniversary party - that's for milestones like 25, 40, etc. This is just a party. Treat it as such.

[Anonymous]

I no longer attend things that don’t bring me joy. This comes with age. I wouldn’t go

[Anonymous]

I would just text your brother that you are sick the day of the party. No need to hurt his feelings, and you need to protect yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you find out what happened regarding your participation in the wedding party? Did your brother tell you?

OP already answered this in an earlier post. Brother didn't tell her. Apparently only last week, "she" (I assume SIL and not SIL's ahole BFF) said to OP for the first time the stuff about the dresses.

So OP is only now finding out about all this dress drama nonsense. It's not like OP's hanging onto a year-old grudge; the wound is very fresh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go and wear your bridesmaid dress

I love this idea. Maybe get it shortened and gush about how it’s a bridesmaid dress that is actually being reused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d skip it unless it causes more drama, then I’d go for 30 minutes before needing to be elsewhere.

New poster. A variation on the post above is what I'd do: I would go because your brother stood up for you in an important way to his then-fiancee! I would make SURE brother knew I was there, would be positive and, yes, congratulatory around brother, and then need to be somewhere else. Tell your brother in advance: "I'll be dropping by and I want to see you! But I'll only be able to stay about (30 minutes, hour, whatever) because XYZl...."

Put in an appearance, in other words. Entirely for your brother, who, again--did something that MANY men in that position re: the wedding would not have done. He could so easily have saved himself grief and simply said to himself, "It's between my fiancee and my sister and I'm staying out of it," but he didn't. He's a peach.

I completely understand the idea of not going to this rather silly "first anniversary" party. I really do. But as someone else noted above, your brother may need to feel that his sister acknowledges what he did and has his back. He might need you one day.

Avoid the SIL as much as possible but do not avoid her--greet her for sure and openly! Why should you duck and dive away from her jerkishness, especially when your brother was great? Be cordial and cool. "Hi, Sally, happy anniversary. The place looks so lovely! Oh, there's So and So, I should say hi...." And you're off to someone else. Do not give her any grounds to say you ignored her, OP; be the one who walks up and greets her first, then be busy with someone else.

I would wager that her BFF, the one who was oh so disappointed about dresses, will be there too, OP, so be mentally prepared to see her and not slap her into next Tuesday. Instead, I'd coolly make a point of speaking to her first and saying, "Hi, Jenny, I know Sally is glad to have you here." Because that's true and doesn't say "happy to see you myself" which is a lie.

This post will not be popular among the strong posts saying not to go, but this may be a case of "start as you mean to go on," namely: Set the tone now, after this revelation about the idiot dress mess. You are too cool to give a flying f**k and let it keep you away from your brother. Thnk of SIL and her friend as the pitiful, shallow people they showed themselves to be. Don't let pitiful and shallow people make you want to stay home, if you could at least give your terrific brother some acknowledgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I no longer attend things that don’t bring me joy. This comes with age. I wouldn’t go

I would not avoid my own sibling, who did the right thing by me, in order to feed my own joy by avoiding an idiot. And SIL is an idiot. Idiots can be ignored, whereas stand-up decent people should be supported.

[Anonymous]

That would have me shaken too, OP. What a terrible person your SIL is. Honestly I would want to go to support my brother but considering this is a party based on the BS behavior at the wedding, I wouldn't go.

I admit I don't get along with my own SIL. She and I attend the same functions when they are about other people or events, but I wouldn't go to one celebrating her (even though it's also your brother's anniversary).

[Anonymous]

Tell them you'll be there

A week later, tell them you won't

A month later, say you will. Show up in your bridesmaid dress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, do what feels comfortable. Any couple who throws a one year anniversary party are headed straight for divorce in the next 5 years, max.

This.

The marriage will not last. SIL sounds terrible.

You do not have to sacrifice your dignity and/or comfort for this. Your self-respect is important, too. I would not go.

Plus, a 1 year anniversary party is not important. Not in the slightest. You do not have to be there - as, in all honesty, it's just a reason to drink with their friends.

Your call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them you'll be there

A week later, tell them you won't

A month later, say you will. Show up in your bridesmaid dress

Perfection.