Sick of Feeding my Kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

You're missing the point. We all have this rule of "you get what you get" but the kids still get upset. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
I have never in my life prepared multiple meals for the family. I make one healthy, balanced dinner that isn't spicy. The kids whine about eating it, every night, because they want pizza or something like that. The moms I know who serve frozen nuggets and that sort of junk don't complain about their kids not eating. To add insult to injury, these are meals that my kids used to devour happily when they were toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Honest truth, because it’s a clear demonstration of your priorities. You have older kids and are choosing not to spend with them - the entire week, every week. And how much time can your DH spend with his family if he’s not ever home? That’s why people are aghast. That they’ve never said any of this to you directly means they’re just polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

Serious question, did you grow up poor? In my middle class/umc childhood, there were definitely accommodations for picky kids. I wasn’t picky but my brother survived on cereal and hot dogs. My friend ate only bagels for many meals.

Upper middle class person here. My experience as a kid was the same. You ate what was served. This was usually a protein, a starch, a veggie
and a side salad. If you did not like an item you ate the other three. There was no special catering of items to the kids in our family.

[Anonymous]

I would have them be responsible for 2 nights/week, with leftovers 2 nights. That leaves one night out and one night for you to plan and cook, plus the leftovers night. Oh, and get earplugs and dramatically insert when the complaining starts.

[Anonymous]

I am too. Food allergies give us very few options. It’s the same rotation of chicken, ground turkey, steak, burgers. I’m tired of being the only one planning meals and cooking. My child is 13 and old enough but I can’t get her to move her shoes out of the middle of the hall let alone cook a meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Honest truth, because it’s a clear demonstration of your priorities. You have older kids and are choosing not to spend with them - the entire week, every week. And how much time can your DH spend with his family if he’s not ever home? That’s why people are aghast. That they’ve never said any of this to you directly means they’re just polite.

Please enlighten me… what are my priorities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Honest truth, because it’s a clear demonstration of your priorities. You have older kids and are choosing not to spend with them - the entire week, every week. And how much time can your DH spend with his family if he’s not ever home? That’s why people are aghast. That they’ve never said any of this to you directly means they’re just polite.

Please enlighten me… what are my priorities?

Who knows, but it’s not family time with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Honest truth, because it’s a clear demonstration of your priorities. You have older kids and are choosing not to spend with them - the entire week, every week. And how much time can your DH spend with his family if he’s not ever home? That’s why people are aghast. That they’ve never said any of this to you directly means they’re just polite.

Please enlighten me… what are my priorities?

Who knows, but it’s not family time with your kids.

Says who? You? I spend plenty of time with my kids afternoons, evenings, weekends, vacations, etc. I take two months off every summer and I am with them 24/7. How about you? You are just a judgmental angry person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same, girl, same. I’m sure I will miss them when they move out but I get giddy at the thought of taking care of only my food needs.

+1. Would write more but I'm too tired from cooking dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Honest truth, because it’s a clear demonstration of your priorities. You have older kids and are choosing not to spend with them - the entire week, every week. And how much time can your DH spend with his family if he’s not ever home? That’s why people are aghast. That they’ve never said any of this to you directly means they’re just polite.

Please enlighten me… what are my priorities?

Who knows, but it’s not family time with your kids.

Says who? You? I spend plenty of time with my kids afternoons, evenings, weekends, vacations, etc. I take two months off every summer and I am with them 24/7. How about you? You are just a judgmental angry person.

Around your nanny’s schedule and their activities, right? Get defensive if you want. I’m just telling you what all of those aghast people are thinking. We all know families like yours. Your definition of “plenty of time” around your nanny (and husband’s) schedules is just not what the rest of us aghast folk would consider plenty. But it’s your family, you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

Serious question, did you grow up poor? In my middle class/umc childhood, there were definitely accommodations for picky kids. I wasn’t picky but my brother survived on cereal and hot dogs. My friend ate only bagels for many meals.

Upper middle class person here. My experience as a kid was the same. You ate what was served. This was usually a protein, a starch, a veggie
and a side salad. If you did not like an item you ate the other three. There was no special catering of items to the kids in our family.

Yes, and this resulted in some kids who just ate bread and butter for years, or never ate a single vegetable, or went to bed hungry all the time. It's just that when we were kids that was considered fine. You're kid doesn't eat what is served? Oh well, they'll figure it out eventually.

The reason parents stress now and you see more catering is that this is no longer considered acceptable. A kid eating only starches with milk, no protein or vegetables? Malnourished. People will also blame kids' diets for everything for all manner of other issues, from ADHD to friend troubles to lack of athleticism or poor grades.

It used to be that if a child didn't eat his vegetables, everyone (the doctor, the teacher, the neighbor, grandma, etc.) blamed the kid. But now if the kid won't eat his vegetables, everyone blames the parents (and let's get real: mom). And that's why you see parents stressing out so much over picky eaters, and why it's so hard to follow the directive to just serve them healthy food and let them decide. Because many kids will make poor choices, and parents will be blamed.

You cannot win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

You're missing the point. We all have this rule of "you get what you get" but the kids still get upset. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
I have never in my life prepared multiple meals for the family. I make one healthy, balanced dinner that isn't spicy. The kids whine about eating it, every night, because they want pizza or something like that. The moms I know who serve frozen nuggets and that sort of junk don't complain about their kids not eating. To add insult to injury, these are meals that my kids used to devour happily when they were toddlers.

Yes to all of this. Also, my kid won't even eat pizza or nuggets or Mac and cheese. So I could to "easy kid meals" and it wouldn't matter, we'd still be having this battle and I'd still be exhausted. So I serve healthy food and she complains and complains and we say, if you won't eat what is served, you can get yourself plain bread with butter or plain yogurt with granola. And she'll eat that and then complain she's still hungry and we'll point to her dinner and she'll cry and complain and make herself more bread with butter.

Now cue the people who will yell at me for the fact that my kid only eats bread with butter, or who will tell me I must be a bad cook (jokes on you, my DH is the cook and I think his food tastes great).

None of that makes it any less exhausting to simply try to feed a child so she doesn't starve to death. I now understand crap like "clean plate club" or the parents who used to tell their kids "there are starving children in [insert inappropriate reference to a developing nation or region]." They just wanted their kids to eat their food and stop complaining. I see the problem with those things but I now totally understand why parents resorted to them because it is insane how hard it is to just get some kid to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

Serious question, did you grow up poor? In my middle class/umc childhood, there were definitely accommodations for picky kids. I wasn’t picky but my brother survived on cereal and hot dogs. My friend ate only bagels for many meals.

Upper middle class person here. My experience as a kid was the same. You ate what was served. This was usually a protein, a starch, a veggie
and a side salad. If you did not like an item you ate the other three. There was no special catering of items to the kids in our family.

Yes, and this resulted in some kids who just ate bread and butter for years, or never ate a single vegetable, or went to bed hungry all the time. It's just that when we were kids that was considered fine. You're kid doesn't eat what is served? Oh well, they'll figure it out eventually.

The reason parents stress now and you see more catering is that this is no longer considered acceptable. A kid eating only starches with milk, no protein or vegetables? Malnourished. People will also blame kids' diets for everything for all manner of other issues, from ADHD to friend troubles to lack of athleticism or poor grades.

It used to be that if a child didn't eat his vegetables, everyone (the doctor, the teacher, the neighbor, grandma, etc.) blamed the kid. But now if the kid won't eat his vegetables, everyone blames the parents (and let's get real: mom). And that's why you see parents stressing out so much over picky eaters, and why it's so hard to follow the directive to just serve them healthy food and let them decide. Because many kids will make poor choices, and parents will be blamed.

You cannot win.

Preach. This sounds right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out for sushi with my GFs for my birthday and we got there too early -- the restaurant was full of little angels eating sushi with their families. One little girl, probably 6 years old, started complaining "Next time I want Thai food" and we almost died. Where did we ALL go wrong???
Worst of all, they were all great eaters until around the age of 4. WTF happened?

Good eaters at 4 years old and terrible eaters at 6? They went to elementary school. That’s what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out for sushi with my GFs for my birthday and we got there too early -- the restaurant was full of little angels eating sushi with their families. One little girl, probably 6 years old, started complaining "Next time I want Thai food" and we almost died. Where did we ALL go wrong???
Worst of all, they were all great eaters until around the age of 4. WTF happened?

Good eaters at 4 years old and terrible eaters at 6? They went to elementary school. That’s what happened.

Eh, my kid's eating went south at 4 before starting preschool. But yes, elementary school made it worse because the school plies them with candy and treats constantly so now that's all she ever wants and I could serve her anything and she'd still be annoyed because it's not Fun Dip, a thing I've never even laid eyes on but have heard a lot about since she had it for the first time at school. A lot.