Why do parents let their kids go to drinking parties (or even worse, host them!) in high school?
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Anonymous
Nobody is doing that. There is a difference between saying "you can't go to that party if there is going to be alcohol there" and making them stay home all the time. Although I don't think I will let my kids drive a car before they are 18. Considering how dangerous cars are, it's actually insane we let 16 year olds drive! |
Anonymous
When someone posted you can’t watch them 24x7, OP SMsaid that she intended to never let her teen out by themselves. They will go to the mall with mom and dad. It’s actually less safe to wait until 18. 16 is 16 for a reason, kids get small doses of driving and have 2 years to practice before becoming adults driving regularly. |
Anonymous
I want my kids not to drink until they're legally able to. Parents like you encourage alcohol abuse. |
Anonymous
| My kids are young adults now but I was stunned by the number of parents who encouraged them to drink when they were in high school. My kids have said the parents were as bad as their peers. There are too many parents who want to be the cool parents. |
Anonymous
Yup 100% |
Anonymous
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I was allowed to attend co-ed sleepovers with alcohol in 11th/12th grade. I was generally a rule follower, and didn’t do much behind my parents’ backs, but I still got myself into some idiotic situations because of drinking. My parents trusted me and I think were too lax about it. They didn’t ask enough questions (just my whereabouts and that I wasn’t driving) or vet the parents who hosted these gatherings. I am grateful I learned from experience what my limits were before college, but I also witnessed sexual coercion and assault, poor decision-making and the social repercussions, relationship verbal abuse, etc, which were largely fueled by drinking.
The kid whose house we frequented became an alcoholic, which was enabled by his parents. His dad told us the “funny story” of how his son went to the ER at age 16 to get his stomach pumped, while they were on a family vacation in the Caribbean. After college, he got fired from his first job, and a DUI. I agree that high risk behavior in HS correlates with high risk behavior in college and poorer outcomes in relationships with friends and romantic partners as adults. This study is particularly interesting: https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12250#:~:text=Longitudinal%20results%2C%20however%2C%20supported%20the%20study%27s%20central%20hypothesis%3A,substance%20use%2C%20and%20elevated%20levels%20of%20criminal%20behavior. |
Anonymous
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Here’s what’s wrong with parents: they believe their DC can do no wrong. Take the blinders off.
Just returned from visiting family who has teenagers. Shocked at permissiveness; MS DD13 was allowed to go boating with a group boys on a Sunday. Missed school next day due to “exhaustion” but certain drinking and drugs were involved. This parent has always encouraged (via social media) to be fashion forward, photogenic, life of the party type. Parents are delusional. DH absent due to work. Oldest DC got threatened with suspension for vandalism and trespassing on school property and was initially not going to be able to participate in HS graduation, have a fine levied, etc. Instead of being horrified, surprised or remotely concerned about DS, parents started a letter writing and lobbying campaign and got most all penalties dropped. They ended up lauding DS as mature and thoughtful and the complete innocent in all. They wrote a big check to pay for damages and DS graduated. |
Anonymous
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Another recent situation: DS20 had a summer job at a large community park. He arrived early one morning to witness a teen boy doing donuts and off-roading all over the mowed sports fields. His boss arrived on the scene and took video, captured the driver’s plate and they called police. Of course, the boy left before police came. Both returned to the office and wouldn’t you know, the dad of the driver called the park to “pay whatever the damages were” and asked that police not be called. Spoiled brat kid was college bound and certainly didn’t need this on his record per dad.
I’d like to believe that parents of my generation (Gen X) wouldn’t have gone to this length. I’d have been in double trouble: equal discipline meted out from parents and law enforcement. If my dad got a call about misbehavior from a teacher when my siblings and I were students, all of us knew that there’d be severe consequences and of course, it wouldn’t happen again, guaranteed. The teacher or adult was in charge and respected. Another change. |
Anonymous
| Our DD socializes with us (her parents) and her aunt. We pick her up & take her to school. |
Anonymous
Yes, with some exception, it's this. And it's being AWAY from the parents. This was me, in a nutshell. |
Anonymous
These parents are grotesque. I know several but one sticks out. The mom was adopted and a nerdy, theater, acappella type (her words). She is very pretty but a different race than her parents/siblings and always felt different b/c of it. Her DD is also very, very pretty (though your basic mean girl - really not a nice kid, but that's a different post). Her kid is always posting the staged beach/bikini pics, pics with her football BF, etc. And mom reposts with gross, fawning captions. The kid gets away with anything. |
Anonymous
Please say how that conversation went. Was it like "Will there be alcohol?" "Yes, I just picked up the keg and solo cups and the wife is setting up beer pong as we speak." ? |
Anonymous
| I was a naive middle school parent too. I had no idea how much drinking and drugs happened at the school games. I was even at many of them but not sitting in the student section. Good luck to all of you if you think this can be 100% prevented. |
Anonymous
DP and DCUM changed my mind on that. I was going to wait for my son to get his permit. Now he’s getting it asap to maximize the time he can practice driving while he still lives with us. |
Anonymous
Those parents who host underage drinking parties are trying to be cool and living vicariously through their children; those parents who let their children drink have a wide range of motivations, ranging from the reasonable (learning to manage alcohol responsibly while under supervision; thinking it’s stupid for drinking to be illegal for 18 year kids) to just being kind of checked out or being kind of free spirits. I don’t judge that. My own view is that it is impossible to prevent teen sex or drinking without extremely draconian and likely counterproductive surveillance and restrictions; that strongly articulated and well-reasoned disapproval of these behaviors is the best chance to avoid them; and that you sort of owe it to your kids to make them sneak around for that sort of thing because it reduces the risk (because it’s harder you get less of it) and it’s more fun for them that way anyway, so win-win. It’s less fun for your kids to do shots at your breakfast bar while you approvingly not as compared to their having to surreptitiously raid your liquor cabinet while refilling the bottle with a little water to cover their tracks. Drinking is ultimately kind of boring; scheming and breaking the rules is the actual fun part. |