Husband refuses to “play” with kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men don't relate to little kids. Kids under 4 or 5. But he'll take a load off when the kid is a teen and you can't handle the kid.

This is a long road, OP. Don't force to play with a 2-year-old and he'll step in when the kid is older and you can't deal.

A lot of women don’t relate to little kids either. I don’t play with my kids at all.

Same, I don’t “play” with my kids. That is such new and weak parenting. I include them in things (engage), and help them get tools to play/color/etc. it is ridiculous to “play” all the time. Children love to be included on adult things.

ROFL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the same way (and I'm a mom, fwiw). I don't like getting on the floor to play toddler games. I focus on doing the things that I don't mind as much, like coloring, or going to the playground.

We are one of the first generations that thinks it's important to play with your child all the time. It's a little much, honestly.

Please point out where anyone said “all of the time.” Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the same way (and I'm a mom, fwiw). I don't like getting on the floor to play toddler games. I focus on doing the things that I don't mind as much, like coloring, or going to the playground.

We are one of the first generations that thinks it's important to play with your child all the time. It's a little much, honestly.

How old are you? Caring parents always played with their kids. It's not that everyone in the past was Don Draper nursing drink when he gets home from the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if your are out and it’s just the two of them?

OP here. She is usually put on some type of contraption like a high chair, playpen, or stroller. She outgrew the bouncey thing but I saw him stuff her in there one day. He’s running out of options quickly. Im sure he’ll purchase enlarged holder soon. It’s annoying because I don't like playing sometimes either but I do it.

Well, it's literally your job to play with your kid. Your husband might find it to be ridiculous. I personally enjoy my kids now that they're older and we can do more fun things. If you continue harping at him about this he's going to step back even more and come to really resent you. I'd let it go.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn’t play with me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn’t play with me

We can tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine not to “play” meaning sitting on the floor making silly voices or pretending to eat play food.

BUT he should be able to supervise her while she is not contained in a high chair or stroller. Meaning, he’s actively paying attention to her, talking to her, and tending to her needs while SHE plays. It’s boring, yes, but required of parenting.

If he can’t do the second part, you have a problem.

+1 He doesn’t have to play but he should take her for walks, teach her to help with chores, supervise her on the playground, etc.

OP said he doesn’t want to parent unless child is contained. If she is roaming around free range then not for him. He would have to watch her closely.

He sounds like a loser. I get not liking to play pretend (I don’t enjoy it either) but watching her roam around a child-safe room or playground is easy-peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Hm I'm surprised at all the comments saying this is OK. I think if it really makes you annoyed, you should make a bigger deal out of it. I would be annoyed too, and I don't think this is something that I would just "mention" to my husband (if by mention you mean you didn't really push for it). Otherwise if he never really figures out the playing part, you're in for a long ride being annoyed. Hopefully he'll play with your kid when she's older but who knows? I think 2 old enough to be somewhat interactive. I can sympathize more if a parent doesn't really know how to "play" with a baby who can't do anything...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Have them do a Gymboree or Music Together class so they get that time w/o distractions and with modeling by other dads. Plus you get a break. That way he will have ideas as to how to engage her out of class, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Have them do a Gymboree or Music Together class so they get that time w/o distractions and with modeling by other dads. Plus you get a break. That way he will have ideas as to how to engage her out of class, too.

Taking your kid to a class <> engaging with your kid.

I find OP's story incredibly sad.

My DH remembers how his dad never really engaged with him. They never had a close relationship, and when his father died a few years ago, he lamented how he wasn't that good of a dad, though of course, he was sad. He was determined to be the opposite kind of dad.

DH likes model trains, and when DS was little, they used to build train tracks together because DH also enjoyed it. But with DD, neither he nor I enjoyed playing with dolls or dressup. But we found other ways to engage with DD.


I'm a PP who stated that neither of us are kiddie people. We don't enjoy "playing" with our kids, but we always found some way to engage with them. I hate board games, but I can't tell you how many times I played Candyland with my kids. Didn't enjoy the game, but I love my children, and I loved talking to them and seeing them figure things out.

We also engaged our kids by going on walks, and chatting on the walks. Talk about what they see.

One of the best ways to engage is to read them stories. We *always* took turn reading to DD and chatting with her. Sound out words.

If your DCs draw a picture, even just a scribble on a piece of paper, you can comment on the picture and ask your DC questions about it. Just talk to them .

They say that 0-2 is when the brain is like a sponge, so reading and talking to them is super important. Your DH doesn't have to "play" with the kids, but he should be able to "talk" to them.

Does he not even want to talk with his own kids? Why did he even bother having kids?

[Anonymous]

Your child is lucky to have you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Have them do a Gymboree or Music Together class so they get that time w/o distractions and with modeling by other dads. Plus you get a break. That way he will have ideas as to how to engage her out of class, too.

Taking your kid to a class <> engaging with your kid.

I find OP's story incredibly sad.

My DH remembers how his dad never really engaged with him. They never had a close relationship, and when his father died a few years ago, he lamented how he wasn't that good of a dad, though of course, he was sad. He was determined to be the opposite kind of dad.

DH likes model trains, and when DS was little, they used to build train tracks together because DH also enjoyed it. But with DD, neither he nor I enjoyed playing with dolls or dressup. But we found other ways to engage with DD.


I'm a PP who stated that neither of us are kiddie people. We don't enjoy "playing" with our kids, but we always found some way to engage with them. I hate board games, but I can't tell you how many times I played Candyland with my kids. Didn't enjoy the game, but I love my children, and I loved talking to them and seeing them figure things out.

We also engaged our kids by going on walks, and chatting on the walks. Talk about what they see.

One of the best ways to engage is to read them stories. We *always* took turn reading to DD and chatting with her. Sound out words.

If your DCs draw a picture, even just a scribble on a piece of paper, you can comment on the picture and ask your DC questions about it. Just talk to them .

They say that 0-2 is when the brain is like a sponge, so reading and talking to them is super important. Your DH doesn't have to "play" with the kids, but he should be able to "talk" to them.

Does he not even want to talk with his own kids? Why did he even bother having kids?

+1 My DH always talks about how his dad never played with him either. As DH got older he got more and more distanced from his dad to the point where they barely talk. DH isn't even sad about it because he never felt close to his dad anyways, so what was there to lose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Hm I'm surprised at all the comments saying this is OK. I think if it really makes you annoyed, you should make a bigger deal out of it. I would be annoyed too, and I don't think this is something that I would just "mention" to my husband (if by mention you mean you didn't really push for it). Otherwise if he never really figures out the playing part, you're in for a long ride being annoyed. Hopefully he'll play with your kid when she's older but who knows? I think 2 old enough to be somewhat interactive. I can sympathize more if a parent doesn't really know how to "play" with a baby who can't do anything...

+1

BIL never played with his young kid. Turns out he didn't "play" with her when she was older. By all definitions, he's a good "provider." Maybe that's where he thinks his role ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow my husband isn't playful with me but he plays with my 2 year old nephew. This would definitely bother me.

dp It can bother you but, you can't force someone to interact with your child the way you want them too.

Op when my kid was 18 months I encouraged my dh to take her to the library for reading time and he was so nervous. But, I told him that I believed he could do it and he did! He also enjoyed taking her for bike rides and the playground. Maybe give him more opportunities to be alone so he can "figure it out" by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He will not engage 2 year old when it comes to occupying her with activities. He all of a sudden has something to do. He would rather cook, walk the dog or invoice a client than play with our little one. He is fine watching her locked inside a high chair or other contraption. But playing is not his thing, as if he is too grown to play. Im the only one who plays outside with her. I hit balls, push her on toys, blow bubbles, write with chalk etc… My eye rolls are getting longer each day he doesn’t play. I’ve mentioned this to him before but things aren’t changing. I’m the one that teaches her everything initially but he will reinforce things with her once she has shown she knows something and somehow he is praised for it. Not sure what I’m asking. Just venting.

Has anyone had a spouse not play but eventually give in. Im a SAHM too.

Hm I'm surprised at all the comments saying this is OK. I think if it really makes you annoyed, you should make a bigger deal out of it. I would be annoyed too, and I don't think this is something that I would just "mention" to my husband (if by mention you mean you didn't really push for it). Otherwise if he never really figures out the playing part, you're in for a long ride being annoyed. Hopefully he'll play with your kid when she's older but who knows? I think 2 old enough to be somewhat interactive. I can sympathize more if a parent doesn't really know how to "play" with a baby who can't do anything...

+1

BIL never played with his young kid. Turns out he didn't "play" with her when she was older. By all definitions, he's a good "provider." Maybe that's where he thinks his role ends.

Being a parent is more than just throwing money at the kid.

Why do these men have children if they don't want to bother engaging with them.