can a college be too far away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a university on the East Coast from NM. My parents were broke so affording a plane ticket home was not possible. I lived in an apartment style dorm. I couldn’t afford to fly home for holidays, which was a problem because the dorms closed over Thanksgiving and Winter Break. The university would not let me stay. I had a roommate that took me home with her for Thanksgiving. Over winter break, I stayed with an ex-boyfriend who was going to school in NY. I really didn’t want to but it was that or a homeless shelter. If you’re poor or not UMC/rich, I would not recommend going to school across the country.

As someone who went to a school close to home i totally get this. Nearly every winter break/thanksgiving we had someone come and stay at our house who couldn't fly home.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my parents said only in state or adjacent state schools, as we didn't have a lot of money to fund travel.

Some of my friends at college from states that were further away only went home for Christmas and summer break, in order to save money.

[Anonymous]

And, much like the pp, I had those out of state friends stay at my parents house for breaks so they wouldn't have to be homeless for fall or spring break, or until they could find an affordable trip home for Christmas or for summer.

[Anonymous]

Distance wasn't a dealbreaker, but it was awfully nice to have my kid a few hours drive away when COVID hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If far away school is free and nearby college $80K, probably worth the trouble.

+1

Though that seems unlikely though not impossible

[Anonymous]

Many families set geographic parameters. My kid made up her own (she chose New England or mid-Atlantic states.

If your child has fragile mental health, I would definitely recommend being within a few hours drive, so you can touch base if they are starting to unravel/need support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Distance wasn't a dealbreaker, but it was awfully nice to have my kid a few hours drive away when COVID hit.

oh man agree. my dd got her positive covid test at 9:30pm on 12/20/21 (night before her last final.) Those were the days of mandatory 10 day quarantine so if I hadn't been able to get her she would have gone into Covid jail for the holidays. Was so glad I had ability to just get in the car and go. It was a long night but so much better than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

To some degree, I think that unless the college is a 6ish drive or less away, all things are equal because the kid will probably fly most of the time. I guess flights will be cheaper close to home.
I grew up in Alaska. Ultimately, there really ended up (in my mind) being no difference between Florida and Seattle because in both cases I'd have to get on a plane.

[Anonymous]

I think every family is different. My kid is on west coast, loves it, comes home for thanksgiving and Xmas. Not spring break, they are partying with friends. Summer internship is also west coast. It’s cool we can fly out anytime to see them. If they had picked an international school we would have been okay with that too. I understand that kids will decide their own comfort level in terms of distance. I don’t understand why parents would impose THEIR comfort level/or fear on their college kids. They are adults, right? They should be making their own decisions about distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is academic since my kids are in middle school, but I constantly hear friends talk about vetoing certain colleges because they're across the country. Is this a thing these days? It wasn't a criteria for me or DH. Just idle curiosity!

If you have the money, it's not an issue.

My DS goes to school in WA and we live in VA. Someone on here recommended shipping 90% of his dorm things directly to the university and purchasing the smaller things once there. I think the slow, ground UPS shipping back then was around $400. The things we purchased in person there were much more expensive in the college town than they were back here in VA at Walmart/Target/BB&B. Getting him set up his first year definitely cost $4k more than when we moved our DD in (she goes to UVA).

Then, of course, you have to factor in the cost of flights for Thanksgiving break, Winter break, spring break, and the returns to campus. And due to his class schedule the first semester and a weather delay, he didn't make it in for his Thanksgiving break until the day after Thanksgiving. He's never asked to come home for a long weekend type break because it's too much of a hassle, in his eyes, for a 3-day weekend visit. DD at UVA and DD at school in NYC come home often over the long weekends.

[Anonymous]

Depending on the person yes, it can. DD has decided she wants to be no more than a 5 hour drive away. She is the oldest and wants to be able to come home any weekend to reconnect with her siblings, parents and friends that stay local. It's much easier when you don't have air travel.

That gives her plenty of good options for school.

[Anonymous]

I would have been fine with my kids being a plane ride away as long as the cost with travel factored in was within our budget. But both decided they wanted to be within a reasonable drive from home. They are about 3 hrs and 4 hrs drive away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summer internship is also west coast. It’s cool we can fly out anytime to see them. If they had picked an international school we would have been okay with that too. I understand that kids will decide their own comfort level in terms of distance. I don’t understand why parents would impose THEIR comfort level/or fear on their college kids.

Maybe they're not as rich as you seem to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summer internship is also west coast. It’s cool we can fly out anytime to see them. If they had picked an international school we would have been okay with that too. I understand that kids will decide their own comfort level in terms of distance. I don’t understand why parents would impose THEIR comfort level/or fear on their college kids.

Maybe they're not as rich as you seem to be?

hahah yep +1. it's super "cool" that you can go visit whenever you want. I cannot. I am struggling to pay for college with two in at the same time. Once a year vacations and driving trips to see family are what i can afford. I cannot hope onto my private jet, or even commercial airline and just go "whenever i want". Not everyone is living your life.

[Anonymous]

My DC is going to a school very, very far away. He is happy but did admit recently that in retrospect he might have considered a closer option, because the multiple flights are grueling and expensive and it would have been nice to be able to come home for long weekends. He was not thinking about how hard the travel would be….I was, but didn’t push the issue. So I love to read about the posters’ children who want to stay within driving range or just one flight away.