Do you have any family members whose lives went totally off the rails?

[Anonymous]

Went to HS with a kid in Reston who came from a great family, went to Tech, married his college sweetheart and had a bunch of kids.

Swindled millions from retirees, blew it in Vegas and on fake cans for his wife, got caught and did 7 years in federal penitentiary.

Actually glad to see it. Guy was a D bag of the highest order

Last I heard he was living on a friends couch and working at Home Depot.

[Anonymous]

Have a Golden Child sibling with multiple ivy degrees going off the rails. There were untreated mental health issues evident since childhood-depression with paranoid tendencies, personality disordered behavior including gradiosity (whether or not it fit full criteria) and teachers, extended family and their friends expressed concern about things like how she treated others with contempt, expressed concern, but parents only cared about bragging rights of accomplishments (some of which were made backstabbing others) and assumed everyone was jealous.

Golden Child has achieved a high level position and is throwing it all out the window with extreme work clashes, a frivolous lawsuit with a neighbor, taking advantage of a parent with dementia, high risk and poorly thought out investments that were worse than gambling and have lost a lot of money, and many other self-destructive habits. Job is at risk, the few friends distanced themselves and sibling is lashing out and sounding paranoid, but won't get help.

Mental health, integrity, good character, treating others with kindness are so much more important than ivy degrees and brag-worthy jobs. I have tremendous empathy for people who emphasize these things and still struggle with their adult children. It saddens me that my parents just didn't value decency and mental wellness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my brother. An academic golden child, valedictorian, near perfect boards, handsome and fit, went Ivy League. I was younger than him, and had teachers who had held onto his projects for years to show them as an example of student work. He managed to graduate but came home full of rage and probably a mental illness, and never left. Lives in squalor in his room at my parents house, now age 44, never had a job, is an alcoholic, obese.

Does he have a diagnosis? Schizophrenia often appears during college years. We’re there any signs of mental health issues when he was in high school?

Bipolar, too. Very sad.

+1 family member who fell apart in HS due to mental illness and treatments were unsuccessful. Really sad. Lots of efforts by family failed to help.

Mental illness can be so, so hard, even when those afflicted WANT to get better. My dear friend was diagnosed bipolar after the birth of her child, she had been going to therapy and had a psych evacuation previously, but had only been treated for depression. Got on meds, was fine for years, then things went off the rails last year. She's been in the hospital a few times over the past few months and nothing is working, one doctor even changed her diagnosis to something else and then back to bipolar again. It's also been a big challenge to find a consistent, quality psychiatrist since her previous doctor retired. Marriage has fallen apart and she can't work (had a lot of sick leave to start but is now out); her parents are paying for her apartment. No idea what will happen with custody of their kid. It's really sad and she's very open to help but it must feel so defeating when you feel so terrible all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

Going away for college coincides with the age of peak mental illness due to brain development. Being away from family and close friends may delay treatment since classmates may not recognize warning signs of new behaviors. On top of that it's VERY difficult to get an appointment, let alone diagnosis for a legal adult. Combine that with "Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," is a symptom of severe mental illness experienced by some that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness", and you've got a perfect storm.

Drugs and alcohol only exasperate symptoms, and may cause an addiction on top of a severe mental health disorder. Then we blame the addiction for the mental health issues, but often times the mental health issues are what caused the person to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Tragic for our young adults out there.

Add to that my dear brother. He did have schizophrenia but tried so hard to cope and live a healthy lifestyle as a tennis coach and manager at utility company. From the outside, he lived wonderfully by traveling all over the world with friends, he day traded so had sizable funds and seemed happy. He slipped into psychosis suddenly around Thanksgiving and tried to get help. No appointments, the mental hospital let him out because he had a good job, and he was dead right after New Year's. 30. Gone. Way too soon. My heart was absolutely broken as I had also lost my Mom before that. I used to do the what-if's but I realize it would have never been enough. His delusions took over everything and he hardly lived in this world. I do not believe he was "there" when he leapt of a 20-sty building.

Well summarized, pp. Happened to a close relative during of college. A Beautiful Mind and The Center Cannot Hold detail the harrowing experiences of two brilliant Ivy League students who were struck by schizophrenia.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Relative went from Fortune 500 top executive to broke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

Going away for college coincides with the age of peak mental illness due to brain development. Being away from family and close friends may delay treatment since classmates may not recognize warning signs of new behaviors. On top of that it's VERY difficult to get an appointment, let alone diagnosis for a legal adult. Combine that with "Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," is a symptom of severe mental illness experienced by some that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness", and you've got a perfect storm.

Drugs and alcohol only exasperate symptoms, and may cause an addiction on top of a severe mental health disorder. Then we blame the addiction for the mental health issues, but often times the mental health issues are what caused the person to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Tragic for our young adults out there.

Add to that my dear brother. He did have schizophrenia but tried so hard to cope and live a healthy lifestyle as a tennis coach and manager at utility company. From the outside, he lived wonderfully by traveling all over the world with friends, he day traded so had sizable funds and seemed happy. He slipped into psychosis suddenly around Thanksgiving and tried to get help. No appointments, the mental hospital let him out because he had a good job, and he was dead right after New Year's. 30. Gone. Way too soon. My heart was absolutely broken as I had also lost my Mom before that. I used to do the what-if's but I realize it would have never been enough. His delusions took over everything and he hardly lived in this world. I do not believe he was "there" when he leapt of a 20-sty building.

Well summarized, pp. Happened to a close relative during of college. A Beautiful Mind and The Center Cannot Hold detail the harrowing experiences of two brilliant Ivy League students who were struck by schizophrenia.

And so many mental illness are a bear to get under any kind of control not matter how much time, support, and money you throw at it.

[Anonymous]

ER physician here. A bit off topic, but watching young people succumb to drugs is so heartbreaking.

The number of young kids (18-21, they feel like kids to me) we see detoxing off fentanyl blows my mind. I took care of one the other day. Nice, polite, requesting detox (third stint). I said "I'm sure you know this, but how are you managing the risk of what you're buying on the street? You have no control over the purity or what else is in the powder".

He said: "I've already OD'd seven times".

It's terrible to feel hopeless for these patients but that's often how I feel.

Another 18 yo presented with a seizure. Nice kid, mom and dad at the bedside. Per the notes, seizures had started that same year. Multiple workups by neuro all negative for cause. Drug screens positive for THC/opioids. I took mom for a walk outside the room and asked her if anyone had suggested her son's seizures might be from withdrawal. She looked shocked and said the opioid use was new to her but "marijuana is legal so my husband says it's ok".

I wish I could help these families more.

[Anonymous]

Legal MJ is a huge mistake. Huge.

[Anonymous]

You can do everything and your life can still go off the rails if you marry the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Uncle. Won the lottery, stopped working, wife/aunt died suddenly of a blood clot, and he just drank round the clock until he died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. And then eventually they made a different lives for themselves. That includes me. I had to quit my job at a critical time in career to look after my firstborn with special needs. Killed my career.

Fwiw, you don’t fit the bill. Something upended your life that you weren’t in control of, and you reacted the best you could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. Comfortable middle class lifestyle with two kids - left husband and had to start over completely. Was in abject poverty (food stamps etc). Got a masters degree, remarried, have a much higher HHI now than I did with my first husband - but Jesus, was it hard.

You either. I assume your husband was abusive. And you dealt with it the best you could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Relative went from Fortune 500 top executive to broke.

I am so sorry. What was the issue? Drugs? Mental illness? Gambling addiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went to HS with a kid in Reston who came from a great family, went to Tech, married his college sweetheart and had a bunch of kids.

Swindled millions from retirees, blew it in Vegas and on fake cans for his wife, got caught and did 7 years in federal penitentiary.

Actually glad to see it. Guy was a D bag of the highest order

Last I heard he was living on a friends couch and working at Home Depot.

I know exactly who you are talking about. His ex wife is remarried and doing great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the lessons to learn here? 🤔
Try to catch and treat mental illness early
Some people shouldn't own guns
Peer group and partners is huge
What else

Take mental illness and addiction issues seriously in young people. These problem do not do away without a lot of very hard work and resources.