Do you have any family members whose lives went totally off the rails?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law owned a popular restaurant. He then got into an altercation with a customer, shot at them (didn't hit them), evaded police and went to federal prison

Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my brother. Had every advantage in life. Rejected them all, chose a life of drugs and alcohol. Has spent time in jail for multiple DUIs. Can't hold a steady job and blames everyone else for his problems.

+1

I think this part is VERY common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother in law owned a popular restaurant. He then got into an altercation with a customer, shot at them (didn't hit them), evaded police and went to federal prison

Wow!

It's quite a turn of events. He has an advanced degree, married with kids and worked hard until he retired at 45 to open his dream restaurant. No drugs, possible mental illness but it's not like he pled insanity.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Most of my cousins are happy, successful, professionals. But one of them who is much younger than I am had his life altered dramatically, he was in a bad car wreck in high school , became addicted to painkillers, flunked out of school, lost his hopes of a sports scholarship because he broke both legs, etc.

He's slowly getting it back together now I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my brother. Had every advantage in life. Rejected them all, chose a life of drugs and alcohol. Has spent time in jail for multiple DUIs. Can't hold a steady job and blames everyone else for his problems.

+1

I think this part is VERY common.

My brother gets high and drunk and then writes long manifesto emails to all of us every other year or so crying about how we have everything and he has nothing. But never looks back at the choices he made that put him on the path he's on. He just wants everything handed to him without putting in the effort himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my brother. An academic golden child, valedictorian, near perfect boards, handsome and fit, went Ivy League. I was younger than him, and had teachers who had held onto his projects for years to show them as an example of student work. He managed to graduate but came home full of rage and probably a mental illness, and never left. Lives in squalor in his room at my parents house, now age 44, never had a job, is an alcoholic, obese.

Does he have a diagnosis? Schizophrenia often appears during college years. We’re there any signs of mental health issues when he was in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my brother. Had every advantage in life. Rejected them all, chose a life of drugs and alcohol. Has spent time in jail for multiple DUIs. Can't hold a steady job and blames everyone else for his problems.

+1 Very difficult and sad.

[Anonymous]

Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what do you all do? how much are you helping the siblings whose lives went off the rails? Especially when they had advantages but didn't listen or chose to be manipulative?

Not helping at all

Same. I've washed my hands of it. You can't help people who don't want to be helped.

Earlier PP and same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

Going away for college coincides with the age of peak mental illness due to brain development. Being away from family and close friends may delay treatment since classmates may not recognize warning signs of new behaviors. On top of that it's VERY difficult to get an appointment, let alone diagnosis for a legal adult. Combine that with "Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," is a symptom of severe mental illness experienced by some that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness", and you've got a perfect storm.

Drugs and alcohol only exasperate symptoms, and may cause an addiction on top of a severe mental health disorder. Then we blame the addiction for the mental health issues, but often times the mental health issues are what caused the person to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Tragic for our young adults out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Golden boy. Left a prestigious university just a few credits short of graduation. Moved to the west coast and was a programmer working on early video streaming for porn sites. Hung out with sh**ty people and partied, messed up his body and mind, died in his 40s. You can tell someone that you see them struggling and encourage them to seek help, provide resources to get that help, but ultimately it's up to the individual. Is there a word for slow suicide? I have multiple cousins who knew they would die if they kept going and they kept going.

DP. I have three cousins like this. They’re half-siblings, actually, but weren’t raised together. They appeared to be raised MC and certainly had the basics, but all three kids (two who were raised together + their half-sibling) did one more of the following: jail time, heroin, sex offending or heavy alcohol use. All women FWIW. Their parents have been married for over 35 years and had always seemed like good people. Two of the siblings dropped out HS. One got her LPN then RN and pulled her life together dramatically and is clean. Had a teen pregnancy.

The sister she was raised with, I genuinely worry is going to pass away by age 30. She’s still late 20s. She also had a teen pregnancy, followed by another in her early 20s. Both of the babies’ fathers died of ODs in quick succession. She is a heroin addict and her kids were taken away from her. Kid #2 was adopted out to his uncle on the opposite coast. Kid #1 is being raised by both sets of grandparents.

What the half-sibling did is too horrific to detail, but she is severely anorexic and unhoused.

Something really awful had to have happened, or rather, something really important was lacking in this household. The siblings’ parent who is the parent of their stepsister did not did raise her.

These are all trauma responses. Like you, I believe something AWFUL happened to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

Going away for college coincides with the age of peak mental illness due to brain development. Being away from family and close friends may delay treatment since classmates may not recognize warning signs of new behaviors. On top of that it's VERY difficult to get an appointment, let alone diagnosis for a legal adult. Combine that with "Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," is a symptom of severe mental illness experienced by some that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness", and you've got a perfect storm.

Drugs and alcohol only exasperate symptoms, and may cause an addiction on top of a severe mental health disorder. Then we blame the addiction for the mental health issues, but often times the mental health issues are what caused the person to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Tragic for our young adults out there.

Well summarized, pp. Happened to a close relative during of college. A Beautiful Mind and The Center Cannot Hold detail the harrowing experiences of two brilliant Ivy League students who were struck by schizophrenia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe going away for college and leaving stability of home life causes some to go off the rails?

Going away for college coincides with the age of peak mental illness due to brain development. Being away from family and close friends may delay treatment since classmates may not recognize warning signs of new behaviors. On top of that it's VERY difficult to get an appointment, let alone diagnosis for a legal adult. Combine that with "Anosognosia, also called "lack of insight," is a symptom of severe mental illness experienced by some that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive his or her illness", and you've got a perfect storm.

Drugs and alcohol only exasperate symptoms, and may cause an addiction on top of a severe mental health disorder. Then we blame the addiction for the mental health issues, but often times the mental health issues are what caused the person to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Tragic for our young adults out there.

Such a thoughtful and insightful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my brother. An academic golden child, valedictorian, near perfect boards, handsome and fit, went Ivy League. I was younger than him, and had teachers who had held onto his projects for years to show them as an example of student work. He managed to graduate but came home full of rage and probably a mental illness, and never left. Lives in squalor in his room at my parents house, now age 44, never had a job, is an alcoholic, obese.

Does he have a diagnosis? Schizophrenia often appears during college years. We’re there any signs of mental health issues when he was in high school?

Bipolar, too. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yup, my brother. An academic golden child, valedictorian, near perfect boards, handsome and fit, went Ivy League. I was younger than him, and had teachers who had held onto his projects for years to show them as an example of student work. He managed to graduate but came home full of rage and probably a mental illness, and never left. Lives in squalor in his room at my parents house, now age 44, never had a job, is an alcoholic, obese.

Does he have a diagnosis? Schizophrenia often appears during college years. We’re there any signs of mental health issues when he was in high school?

Bipolar, too. Very sad.

+1 family member who fell apart in HS due to mental illness and treatments were unsuccessful. Really sad. Lots of efforts by family failed to help.