My parents allowed my youngest brother to be “homeschooled”, and I’m angry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help him find a vocation that suits his interests and help steer him on that path. Plenty of contractors do very well, especially the ones who start young, apprentice and then start their own business. The person who I know who did this eventually went to community college to get an associates degree in accounting solely to run the business. The business eventually outgrew his accounting skills and he hired that out. It was netting him well over $1m a year for 30+ years.

You know how rare this is, right? We’re talking horses, not zebras, and certainly not the unicorn you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No

NP. Why no?

I would intervene if it was my brother. Just saying…

You wouldn’t have the right to “intervene” if it was your brother. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look at trade internships and have him talk to some trade recruiters (hvac, electrical, construction, welding) to get him thinking about his future.

He does not want to do those things. OP can’t “have him” do anything.

?? Based on what?

He’s 17.5 and his parents, the ones with ACTUAL authority over him, don’t agree. How is OP going to “have him” do anything? Physically pick him up, carry him, somehow compel him to listen and talk to trade recruiters? Not happening.

[Anonymous]

OP, you could talk to him directly. Ask him about his future goals and be real with him about your concerns. Be nice and leave the door open for future conversations. But this issue won’t resolve with a conversation. It will take a few years of floundering before he gets himself together, but maybe that’s better than aimlessly attending community college. Some people just take longer to mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest brother turned 17 in the fall, and is (or I should say, is supposed to be) a junior in high school. Both of my parents’ highest level of education is an associates degree. They have never cared for formal education or academic achievement. My brother has always hated school and gotten terrible grades. He has a history of refusing to attend school. In the school district he’s located in, kids who are homeschooled have the right to play on their local high school’s sports teams and participate in its clubs. Well, in January, they decided to pull him out and filled out the forms for him to be homeschooled. They said the reasoning is so that he can practice sports more. Many of their friends have done similar things, and it’s also become common where they live to repeat 8th grade for sports. The problem is that no schooling is going on. My parents work full-time and my brother just sleeps in, goes to the gym, watches TV and then goes to practice at night. He is not on the path to becoming a D1 college or professional athlete in either of his sports.

What disappoints me is that he isn’t even receiving the level of education that would be necessary to score well on the ASVAB or a community college math & english placement test.

Is there anything I can do about this?

OP, your brother's issues and educational problems did not begin when you parents decided to homeschool. It sounds like there have been problems for a long time and he was at high risk for dropping or failing out anyway (in fact, I wonder if that is the real reason they decided to homeschool...because he was failing and they wanted him to stay eligible for sports).

In many states compulsory education ends at 16 or 17 anyway, and many states have minimal homeschool requirements so there is nothing to report.

I understand why you are concerned. He is not on a great path, but it sounds like he may have a long issue of undiagnosed LD or something anyway. By homeschooling your parents may be able to award the high school diploma he was never going to achieve in school. In the meantime, they are supporting him while he eats, sleeps, watches TV and plays sports. It is not a life to aspire to, but it could be much worse. Lots of kids with undiagnosed LD and school failure self medicate.

I think this will just need to play itself out. Stay in contact, offer to help him if/when he wants to find a different path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest brother turned 17 in the fall, and is (or I should say, is supposed to be) a junior in high school. Both of my parents’ highest level of education is an associates degree. They have never cared for formal education or academic achievement. My brother has always hated school and gotten terrible grades. He has a history of refusing to attend school. In the school district he’s located in, kids who are homeschooled have the right to play on their local high school’s sports teams and participate in its clubs. Well, in January, they decided to pull him out and filled out the forms for him to be homeschooled. They said the reasoning is so that he can practice sports more. Many of their friends have done similar things, and it’s also become common where they live to repeat 8th grade for sports. The problem is that no schooling is going on. My parents work full-time and my brother just sleeps in, goes to the gym, watches TV and then goes to practice at night. He is not on the path to becoming a D1 college or professional athlete in either of his sports.

What disappoints me is that he isn’t even receiving the level of education that would be necessary to score well on the ASVAB or a community college math & english placement test.

Is there anything I can do about this?

OP, your brother's issues and educational problems did not begin when you parents decided to homeschool. It sounds like there have been problems for a long time and he was at high risk for dropping or failing out anyway (in fact, I wonder if that is the real reason they decided to homeschool...because he was failing and they wanted him to stay eligible for sports).

In many states compulsory education ends at 16 or 17 anyway, and many states have minimal homeschool requirements so there is nothing to report.

I understand why you are concerned. He is not on a great path, but it sounds like he may have a long issue of undiagnosed LD or something anyway. By homeschooling your parents may be able to award the high school diploma he was never going to achieve in school. In the meantime, they are supporting him while he eats, sleeps, watches TV and plays sports. It is not a life to aspire to, but it could be much worse. Lots of kids with undiagnosed LD and school failure self medicate.

I think this will just need to play itself out. Stay in contact, offer to help him if/when he wants to find a different path.

*self medicate with drugs and alcohol, I should have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good thing is someday you can have your own kids and do everything perfectly right and really show them. Because it's clear you have all the answers.

OP ignore this troll. You are doing a good thing by caring and trying to help your brother.

Nope. I have a brother like this and I have learned to just stay out of it.

That's not what you posted though. Your post suggested that the OP was a know it all and should mind her business.

But she does think she knows best. She is not the parent. She can't fix this. When she has her own kids she will understand.

Were you a know it all when you tried to help?

Are you on the bandwagon that this kid can be forced to do anything? You are so naive and inexperienced, what do you know about situations like this? What are your qualifications exactly?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you just want to be self-righteous and angry. Look for real problems and let your parents do their thing with your brother. Accept he's not going to Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look at trade internships and have him talk to some trade recruiters (hvac, electrical, construction, welding) to get him thinking about his future.

He does not want to do those things. OP can’t “have him” do anything.

And the cold hard reality is, neither can the parents. Limping him across the finish line with a homeschool diploma may well be the best case scenario.

[Anonymous]

No and he never was on the path to college. That's not his path

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look at trade internships and have him talk to some trade recruiters (hvac, electrical, construction, welding) to get him thinking about his future.

He does not want to do those things. OP can’t “have him” do anything.

And the cold hard reality is, neither can the parents. Limping him across the finish line with a homeschool diploma may well be the best case scenario.

This. I understand your frustration OP, but your brother doesn't sound like a scholar and anything to get him a diploma may be the best way right now. It's what comes next that he might need some help with, and it doesn't sound like he's a candidate for higher education.

[Anonymous]

The best thing you can do is to help him do the work so he can at least have a high school diploma. I have a nephew who was in a similar situation. I went over on Sundays with a pizza and typed his work while he dictated so he would get credit. I showed him how to do photo math/Symbolab app to pass math, I helped him fill in some worksheets, made templates for some PowerPoints. I paid for online tutors to help him do his work (wyzant has tutors that charge $30-35 an hour and are good). Whatever it took for him to pass his classes. And it worked. He got his high school diploma which made it much easier for him to get a job. He was just so unmotivated with school but is doing great at his full-time job.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing you can do.
Your parents and brother do not agree with you and will not listen to you.

Maybe keep a friendly relationship with your brother (not always lecturing him.) That way if he ever asks for advice in the future you will not have shut the door.

Also, make it very clear over the years, that you will not be responsible for your brother as an adult, if that is a hope your parents have. Don't be guilty into it when your parents are elderly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you post about this before? It sounds very familiar.

There is nothing you can do apart from persuading your brother to re-enroll, and selling him on the benefits of a college education. However, is there money for college? Even community college?

Also, do special needs run in your family? Any untreated ADHD or dyslexia?

Who cares if she did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest brother turned 17 in the fall, and is (or I should say, is supposed to be) a junior in high school. Both of my parents’ highest level of education is an associates degree. They have never cared for formal education or academic achievement. My brother has always hated school and gotten terrible grades. He has a history of refusing to attend school. In the school district he’s located in, kids who are homeschooled have the right to play on their local high school’s sports teams and participate in its clubs. Well, in January, they decided to pull him out and filled out the forms for him to be homeschooled. They said the reasoning is so that he can practice sports more. Many of their friends have done similar things, and it’s also become common where they live to repeat 8th grade for sports. The problem is that no schooling is going on. My parents work full-time and my brother just sleeps in, goes to the gym, watches TV and then goes to practice at night. He is not on the path to becoming a D1 college or professional athlete in either of his sports.

What disappoints me is that he isn’t even receiving the level of education that would be necessary to score well on the ASVAB or a community college math & english placement test.

Is there anything I can do about this?

You worry about you, OP.