My friend took a week to respond back to me. This happens a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are just young enough to not really have had much of an analog childhood. Im 39 (ADHD and introverted) and was a junior in high school when cell phones first started going mainstream amongst my friends and even the. Even those basic phones ramped up my anxiety--i just hated the idea that someone could reach me at anytime and expect an immediate response.

Consider that the way we communicate today has been around for all of 1 second of human history and suits some more than others.

I’m 44 and don’t have problems texting people back. I might be delayed if I’m in a meeting, but I would never wait a week to respond to a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s reasonable. It’s not like you asked for a recipe that would take 30 seconds to respond to. Planning a trip and deciding whether or not you can go takes some thought.

+1 I can't decide in a day if I'll go or not. Don't keep track of your friend's responses. She said YES immediately - why not focus on that?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are just young enough to not really have had much of an analog childhood. Im 39 (ADHD and introverted) and was a junior in high school when cell phones first started going mainstream amongst my friends and even the. Even those basic phones ramped up my anxiety--i just hated the idea that someone could reach me at anytime and expect an immediate response.

Consider that the way we communicate today has been around for all of 1 second of human history and suits some more than others.

I’m 44 and don’t have problems texting people back. I might be delayed if I’m in a meeting, but I would never wait a week to respond to a friend.

Did you miss the introvert ADHD part? I've actually posted on other threads that expectations of instant communication have exacerbated a range of neurodiverse traits and is could partly be responsible for an increase in diagnoses. If you're 44, do you have any old letters that you received lying around. It's wild how rapidly our communication expectations have evolved and it's totally reasonable to expect that there will be a wide range of how people adapt.

[Anonymous]

I love my best friend. But yeah, I can't text back. I do not have ADHD. In fact I'm type A. Just beyond busy, have 3 kids, very full job, relatives, spouse, hobbies.

Currently my best friend is trying to plan a trip with me. I REALLY want to go on this trip but haven't messaged back since Weds. I do prioritize and I have a detailed list. I just can't get through my list in the day. Just another thing to feel guilty about. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get it all done in 24hrs. I feel like I burn the candle on both ends and get more done in a day than most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she called and apologize lets her off the hook.

This

Also, asking to go out of the country for a random birthday (or a special one) is a big ask. I take a long time to respond for a lot of reasons, not just work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overreacting because she called you and acknowledged and apologized. She is also willing to go on an international trip with you for your birthday.

The people who never respond without any acknowledgement are the worst.

This. I have a couple of people in my life who are this way…ALL of the time…with no apology.

[Anonymous]

I am a 47 year old woman with 2 kids, and often take a week to respond to texts that are non-urgent or don't require an immediate answer (e.g, I would respond to "do you want to meet up this evening?," but maybe not "tennis sometime soon?")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Look, some people are just bad at texting. Multiple people here have told you why that might be the case. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person, but you seem committed to believing that. In that case, maybe just let this friend go. I am a person who sometimes responds belatedly and certainly don’t need my friends to be secretly judging me for it.

THIS.

To the OP, if you place your personal idea of texting "requirements" ahead of your history with this friend, then you really aren't her friend.

You sound more invested in feeling hurt and insulted than in her as your friend. If my friend didn't respond for a long time I would wonder if she was OK, or if work was tough (your friend's actual case!), or if I had missed a text or whatever. The first thought would not be that she was rude or ignoring me. If you needed a response by a certain deadline for this trip planning, well, you can phone her. Actual phone calls are still a thing, as your friend clearly knows. She did the right thing to phone you and apologize and explain.

I have a feeling it’s not the first time and that’s why Op is upset. I know that many of us want to give reasons and hide behind our lack of responding but the truth is that we make time for who and for what we want. Every now and then okay…but most of us tend to make it a pattern to not respond because we are “too busyl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't take things like this to heart, but I do match other people's energy. If a friend can't or won't see me/communicate with me, that's fine. They know where to find me. But I generally do not reach out more than once.

I do this but would be lying if I said “ I didn’t take it to heart”, I do lol…that’s why I reciprocate back what I’m getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my best friend. But yeah, I can't text back. I do not have ADHD. In fact I'm type A. Just beyond busy, have 3 kids, very full job, relatives, spouse, hobbies.

Currently my best friend is trying to plan a trip with me. I REALLY want to go on this trip but haven't messaged back since Weds. I do prioritize and I have a detailed list. I just can't get through my list in the day. Just another thing to feel guilty about. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get it all done in 24hrs. I feel like I burn the candle on both ends and get more done in a day than most people.

Rather than ghost your friend just say that. I think that’s the problem here. Rather than radio silence, just comunícate that you can’t right now. That’s so much better than ignoring. I’m also not just responding to you but to all of the people on this thread that are saying the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Grow up, OP. You are not the center of the universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my best friend. But yeah, I can't text back. I do not have ADHD. In fact I'm type A. Just beyond busy, have 3 kids, very full job, relatives, spouse, hobbies.

Currently my best friend is trying to plan a trip with me. I REALLY want to go on this trip but haven't messaged back since Weds. I do prioritize and I have a detailed list. I just can't get through my list in the day. Just another thing to feel guilty about. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I can't get it all done in 24hrs. I feel like I burn the candle on both ends and get more done in a day than most people.

Rather than ghost your friend just say that. I think that’s the problem here. Rather than radio silence, just comunícate that you can’t right now. That’s so much better than ignoring. I’m also not just responding to you but to all of the people on this thread that are saying the same thing.

NP. Taking a few days to respond to a text is not “ghosting,” it is being busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Look, some people are just bad at texting. Multiple people here have told you why that might be the case. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person, but you seem committed to believing that. In that case, maybe just let this friend go. I am a person who sometimes responds belatedly and certainly don’t need my friends to be secretly judging me for it.

THIS.

To the OP, if you place your personal idea of texting "requirements" ahead of your history with this friend, then you really aren't her friend.

You sound more invested in feeling hurt and insulted than in her as your friend. If my friend didn't respond for a long time I would wonder if she was OK, or if work was tough (your friend's actual case!), or if I had missed a text or whatever. The first thought would not be that she was rude or ignoring me. If you needed a response by a certain deadline for this trip planning, well, you can phone her. Actual phone calls are still a thing, as your friend clearly knows. She did the right thing to phone you and apologize and explain.

I have a feeling it’s not the first time and that’s why Op is upset. I know that many of us want to give reasons and hide behind our lack of responding but the truth is that we make time for who and for what we want. Every now and then okay…but most of us tend to make it a pattern to not respond because we are “too busyl

“We make time for who and what we want” - oh goodness. There have been times when I was absolutely underwater and did not WANT to be neglecting or not responding to friends, but what I had to make time for was much-needed home repairs and my SN kid and trying to stay afloat at work and supporting an ill family member and trying to stay on top of the rest of life in general. And sometimes these periods can last for months. I’m sincere when I say to my friends “I’m sorry for not texting you back and I wish I could have been more in touch lately but I just don’t have the bandwidth.” And if people don’t believe that, then I don’t need them in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing definitely happens if you are in the zone during a busy period at work. If it slips in the near term, you'll forget and won't address it until you can catch your breath because you are inundated with other things.

And the times she takes days to respond but it’s not because of work? Or what about the weekends when she isn’t working?

Look, some people are just bad at texting. Multiple people here have told you why that might be the case. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person, but you seem committed to believing that. In that case, maybe just let this friend go. I am a person who sometimes responds belatedly and certainly don’t need my friends to be secretly judging me for it.

THIS.

To the OP, if you place your personal idea of texting "requirements" ahead of your history with this friend, then you really aren't her friend.

You sound more invested in feeling hurt and insulted than in her as your friend. If my friend didn't respond for a long time I would wonder if she was OK, or if work was tough (your friend's actual case!), or if I had missed a text or whatever. The first thought would not be that she was rude or ignoring me. If you needed a response by a certain deadline for this trip planning, well, you can phone her. Actual phone calls are still a thing, as your friend clearly knows. She did the right thing to phone you and apologize and explain.

I have a feeling it’s not the first time and that’s why Op is upset. I know that many of us want to give reasons and hide behind our lack of responding but the truth is that we make time for who and for what we want. Every now and then okay…but most of us tend to make it a pattern to not respond because we are “too busyl

“We make time for who and what we want” - oh goodness. There have been times when I was absolutely underwater and did not WANT to be neglecting or not responding to friends, but what I had to make time for was much-needed home repairs and my SN kid and trying to stay afloat at work and supporting an ill family member and trying to stay on top of the rest of life in general. And sometimes these periods can last for months. I’m sincere when I say to my friends “I’m sorry for not texting you back and I wish I could have been more in touch lately but I just don’t have the bandwidth.” And if people don’t believe that, then I don’t need them in my life.

I’m pp. I see that. I’m really speaking to people who never make time and usually those people don’t even apologize or give reasons. They just throw out the whole “ I don’t need needy people on my life phrase” to excuse their lack of involvement. Also as your friend I would want you to open up while you are struggling. Maybe I could drop off a meal, help in some way or encourage. No man is an island. This is what friends are for. Associates…those are the people that don’t have any idea what’s going on in my life.

[Anonymous]

I think your friend was very honest in her response back to you.

Adulting gets busy at times and it is not always easy.

I would let this one go.