Make our kids take loans and pay them at the end as surprise, good idea?

[Anonymous]

Have them take the full amount if the federal subsidized loans. Make them pay that off. That’s “skin in the game” without interest accumulation until graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say how many years of college you'll pay for or whatever amount you are willing/able to pay.

A friend's parents told her that they would pay for four years of college. She went to a junior college for a year then transferred to a four year and before her senior year, her parents reminded her they had paid for four years. She took out loans to pay for her final year.

Wow, I guess we cannot choose our parents.

There are lots of families living large that have no college savings so not sure how kids would know.

I would suggest having them take the subsidized loan and let them know that if they achieve something (college degree in 4 years, certain GPA, some standard that seems reasonable to you) that you will pay them off. That is skin in the game up front without manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We can fully fund 6 years of private college for our kids but may not tell them and claim that we are broke and they need to take out loans.

Has anyone done this, or is it crazy?

DH basically wasted 1 year of school because he knew his parents would pay for it, so I wonder if this is a good idea.

It’s okay not to pay for more than for years but not to lie to your kids. If you can afford more than four years I’d encourage you to give your kids the flexibility to spend time at college pursuing their dreams. I didn’t goof off or waste time but at the end of my sophomore year wanted to add a second major to give me more career options. My parents made it clear I had to graduate in four years so no second major for me. I’ve spent 30 years in a career that’s fine but not my first choice. I’m counting the days until I can retire and pursue my passion. If you can afford it give your kids time to figure out how they want to spend the 30+ years they will spend in a career - no strings attached.

+1

If the 5th year comes from adding a 2nd major or because the kid really wants to switch majors (and it's well thought out change, not just wandering aimlessly with a new major each semester) I am more than happy to pay for an extra semester or year.

But do not lie to your kids and make them stress about college costs when you can afford it. Treat them like the adult they are

[Anonymous]

You sound like you've failed as parents. You think your kids won't try hard in school unless you manipulate them. Great parenting. I hope your kids get far away from you and cut you out of their lives. I can't imagine what you've put them through as they've grown up. There are some people who shouldn't be parents. You are a shining example of that.

[Anonymous]

You can't trick your kids into being responsible!

Teach your kids your values. Set clear boundaries with them (if you blow off school and don't take this opportunity seriously, we will not fund another year and you will have to take out loans to finish) and follow through.

It sounds like your DH was a dilettante because his parents didn't take the time to teach him otherwise. This is your responsibility as a parent, and if it costs you a year of college tuition to teach that lesson, so be it. The goal is to raise responsible, functional adults, not to save some money. If you wanted to save money, you shouldn't have had kids at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say how many years of college you'll pay for or whatever amount you are willing/able to pay.

A friend's parents told her that they would pay for four years of college. She went to a junior college for a year then transferred to a four year and before her senior year, her parents reminded her they had paid for four years. She took out loans to pay for her final year.

Wow, I guess we cannot choose our parents.

There are lots of families living large that have no college savings so not sure how kids would know.

I would suggest having them take the subsidized loan and let them know that if they achieve something (college degree in 4 years, certain GPA, some standard that seems reasonable to you) that you will pay them off. That is skin in the game up front without manipulation.

Fyi the federal student loan is only subsidized for low income students. Subsidized = no interest while you are in school. All others start accruing interest right away. The small federal student loans are still IMO a reasonable thing to expect your student to take out but they don't make much of a dent in total college costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't trick your kids into being responsible!

Teach your kids your values. Set clear boundaries with them (if you blow off school and don't take this opportunity seriously, we will not fund another year and you will have to take out loans to finish) and follow through.

It sounds like your DH was a dilettante because his parents didn't take the time to teach him otherwise. This is your responsibility as a parent, and if it costs you a year of college tuition to teach that lesson, so be it. The goal is to raise responsible, functional adults, not to save some money. If you wanted to save money, you shouldn't have had kids at all.

Its definitely too late for OP to try to teach her kids values.

[Anonymous]

You should be ashamed of yourself OP. I hope this is just a blip in your thinking and you're not really this awful of a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you've failed as parents. You think your kids won't try hard in school unless you manipulate them. Great parenting. I hope your kids get far away from you and cut you out of their lives. I can't imagine what you've put them through as they've grown up. There are some people who shouldn't be parents. You are a shining example of that.

+1 My parents paid for my college and it never would have occurred to me that it meant I could just slack off. We're paying for our kids college and have no problems doing that because they worked hard in HS and are continuing to do so in college. If you think this is the only way your kids will apply themselves in college, it would be better to be honest and require a gap year where they have to work to save up part of the cost and mature a bit.

[Anonymous]

Pay for college; make them work to pay for extras, like spring break, eating out etc...

We could afford private college but it would mean eating into our retirement and working till 65, which in our industry, I don't think we will last that long.

But, we can certainly pay for public, which we will do. But, DCs know that they will be expected to get a job to pay for incidentals and extras.

Both DH and I worked because we had to to pay for living expenses, and for me, tuition as well.

Older DC has been working in HS for 1.5 years, and they like earning their own money. Younger DC#2 fully expects to get a job at 16 and in college, too.

You can also tell them that if they get below a B average then they will need to come back home and go to community college until they can manage the 4 year. Or maybe college isn't for them.

I disagree with others.. just because you can afford it doesn't mean you should pay for it if it's not worth it because your kid doesn't like or can't deal with studying in college.

[Anonymous]

I think if you have a good relationship with your dc, they have been taught to be appreciative about what they have, and have a general understanding of finance then no reason to lie or fake it.

We emphasized accountability on keeping track of major so that they would graduate in 4 yrs, we asked that they work summers to have spending money, and we also discussed importance of going to class and doing the best they could ( did not demand a certain grade) so they did not have to re- take a course and we pay twice, etc.

One graduated on time and one on track to graduate on time. One at a public and one at a private but they both had/have friends who have loans or struggle. They know they are quite fortunate and share that with us. Really no need to pretend otherwise.

I’m sure some is pure luck in that we got two very non- entitled dc but I think it also helped that we discussed finances with them, how to be responsible/ make good choices, and that their choices impact their future selves.

Be honest and see how they do. Use year one as your trial year. If you think they are wasting your money by not going to class, failing, etc. have the discussion then of them paying for the rest.

[Anonymous]

If my parents had said they'd had no money for me, I would have completely shifted where I applied to schools instead of applying for the best schools in my major that were a good fit for what I wanted/needed in an educational setting. Then when I found out they had money, I would have been furious.

Just know that you are potentially destroying that relationship.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is a terrible idea to make your kids take out loans, but, I would tell them this is your plan. "Surprising" them is just weird.

I have a friend whose parents had him take out loans for college, and their plan was to pay them off for him. They both died right after my friend graduated from college. My friend was stuck with over $100,000 in loan debt while his younger siblings went to college basically for free, because they had no income (and no living parents). After that experience, I would make sure I had taken out a large enough life insurance policy with that kid as the only beneficiary so my kid could pay them back in case of my death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds manipulative, sneaky and creepy. Unless you have manipulative, sneaky and creepy kids I would never do this.

Absolutely.

I had to work all through college and I would have done much better without all that stress, and without work cutting into my studying time.

I have a friend who's a commercial fisherman. He was working on a boat in Alaska where the had to schlep the fish from one area to another, by hand. The seas were so high that they were literally climbing up the boat and sliding down, for 14 hours straight.

When they got to port, the skipper said, "I want to show you something.". It was a fish conveyer. They could have moved the fish in a few hours, with little effort. But the skipper wanted to "see if they were tough enough."

Every crew member walked off the boat and never went back. That skipper had to go work out of a different port.

Do you really want to do that to your kids?

[Anonymous]

Taking out a big loan and paying it in a lump sum before monthly payments start actually doesn't help their credit score at all and it can hurt it. DH's parents did this. They also didn't allow DH credit cards or car payments or anything that would establish credit history while he was in high school or college. It made it really hard to establish himself later when he needed an apartment, car, and basic credit.