My sister wrote and published a memoir about our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

I've contemplated writing a memoir about my life which would include interesting, relevant and scandalous details about my family. I've waited for my parents to pass before starting...it's been 13 years. I haven't begun yet because I have siblings, like you, who would be very upset. I could use fake names, fudge important dates, etc, but how much should I change? Would you have been okay with any iteration of your sister's book? Is her story not worth telling? What was her motive for writing? If it is part of her healing, let her have it.

I recommend you read how Mary Karr handled it with her three memoirs. She wrote of her mother and sister and appeared to remain close to them while respecting that her sister had forged a successful life and didn’t want to be majorly involved with the books. Karr also achieved acclaim and success with her books.

If a writer is trashing people, the book won’t be good. To write a good memoir, the writer has to understand character motivation and can’t just be out for revenge. You sort of have to understand your characters—good and bad.

[Anonymous]

"Sis I haven't been up to reading it."

That's it. Repeat the same words again and again, if necessary. I wouldn't offer any more than that. No explanation needed. No matter how many times she asks.

You have no obligation to read it. You are better off not being on record as saying anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you have no interest when it is about your family?

I can understand why OP has no interest. She has her own family memories and doesn't need to read anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister will probably do this. She is a terrible writer

Terrible writers don’t get published. Do you get it?

This makes zero sense.
Terrible writers get published.
And you can pay money to establish your own publishing imprint, as my sibling did. Then their book was no longer self-published…it was published by a publishing house. And still rubbish.

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting that you are not close say you weren’t raised together and yet think her view on family members is incorrect. You have no idea what her life was like and how she was treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister will probably do this. She is a terrible writer

Terrible writers don’t get published. Do you get it?

So, not true, sweetie. Legit presses publish some really bad writers.
Self-publishing has changed the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

Is that you William? Just ignore your loser “sister“

[Anonymous]

I agree with “not up to reading it”
Just be vague. Don’t express any annoyance that she wrote it, which after all is her right… She’s allowed to write a memoir of her life with her family.
Just never read it and say, if she asks, That you’re glad she produced some thing she finds meaningful but that at the moment you’re not up to reading it. Change subject.
By saying you’re up to it now it leaves open the possibility that you might in the future and, again, will avoid any debates or arguments blah blah blah.
Just repeat that until eventually she stops asking.
But she really is within her rights to do this, and she can paint people in “a bad light” if that was her experience. As Anne Lamont, I believe, noted, if people wanted to be remembered warmly they should’ve behaved better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

https://www.amazon.com/End-Lifes-Pain-memoir/dp/1730735479

Sounds like a rough life!

[Anonymous]

If you’ve had little to do with her, how do you know she’s a terrible writer?

[Anonymous]

If you claim you don’t care enough to even read it then why would you care enough to confront anyone about it or even talk about it on here?

[Anonymous]

This is a huge problem in memoir writing, obviously. The authors have to basically accept that they are likely cutting themselves off from their families and friends. There is a certain level of narcissism required to be a memoir writer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

https://www.amazon.com/End-Lifes-Pain-memoir/dp/1730735479

Sounds like a rough life!

The blurb on the back said she was born in 1943? The author is 80!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

https://www.amazon.com/End-Lifes-Pain-memoir/dp/1730735479

Sounds like a rough life!

The blurb on the back said she was born in 1943? The author is 80!

OP said there is a large age difference between her and her sister. OP could be in her sixties or younger. The blurb says the author was 14 when she was forced into an arranged marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

https://www.amazon.com/End-Lifes-Pain-memoir/dp/1730735479

Sounds like a rough life!

The blurb on the back said she was born in 1943? The author is 80!

Wrong book. That memoir was published in 2018. Doubt OP would just now be asking how to respond.