My sister wrote and published a memoir about our family

[Anonymous]

My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

[Anonymous]

Very little to do with each other***

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry no one else will ever read it.

[Anonymous]

How can you have no interest when it is about your family?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to read it and do your best to prevent lies from being published.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

Thanks for explaining. Honestly I would try to find out her sales numbers: they have to be miniscule.

I do get it -- my sibling is a professional poet and has published and performed poems about our family. Many of them take creative license and sometimes I wonder what people think about the family. But, I'm unlikely to encounter any of those people in real life, and I'm certainly not giving out those poetry books as gifts to people in my circle. Try to see it as a little funny, if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you can ignore her, or tell her you are too busy to read it. Nobody outside the family is going to read a [self-published?] memoir by a non-famous person, so you don't need to worry about whether it reflects on you.

But, are you sure it isn't one of those family histories? People on both sides of my family have put together family histories with memories, interviews, and old photos, and had them "published" (bound) for the family to have. They aren't for sale or anything.

It is not a family history and our parents are deceased and have been so for 10 years. I imagine she wouldn’t have done this if they were alive. The title is something to the effect of “my life through the pain”. She’s friends with someone who works for a publisher. It’s not a vanity press but it is a small publishing house.

Thanks for explaining. Honestly I would try to find out her sales numbers: they have to be miniscule.

I do get it -- my sibling is a professional poet and has published and performed poems about our family. Many of them take creative license and sometimes I wonder what people think about the family. But, I'm unlikely to encounter any of those people in real life, and I'm certainly not giving out those poetry books as gifts to people in my circle. Try to see it as a little funny, if you can.

I had a high school friend write a memoir, and a friend and I sat in Barnes and Noble together reading it cover to cover in horror. He tore apart several people from our group, and the level of exaggeration was embarrassing. Then we realized literally nobody that mattered would read it. Just a few people who might be interested in his slightly quirky career path or something. It was hurtful for a minute but now we laugh about it. It's entertainment, not a factual news report.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine not reading it. The curiosity alone would kill me. Are the family secrets things you already knew?

[Anonymous]

You are remarkably, perhaps even symptomatically, resistant to the idea that she has a story you might need to hear. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I find your reaction really odd. It’s not like all your coworkers, friends, and neighbors are standing in line at her book signing. Just congratulate her on getting it published and move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you have no interest when it is about your family?

This. If my sister wrote a memoir about our family I'd be a bit afraid to read it but I'd also be dying of curiosity. I'd probably skip a lot of stuff but I'd definitely read it. Even if just to disagree! I can't imagine having no interest.

My family is screwed up and all my siblings and I have major issues as adults as a result but we have taken very different paths in life. My sister is born again and extremely religious. I'm an atheist. So I know anything she'd write would have an extremely different context to how I think of our shared history. But I also sense there would be commonality. I actually wonder if something like that would bring us closer together because there's all this stuff we've almost certainly both discussed extensively separately, to therapists and others, but never discussed with each other. Reading it, as opposed talking but it directly, would be easier for me.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative who did this. I'm sorry, op

[Anonymous]

Tell her to remove anything related to you.