My sister wrote and published a memoir about our family

[Anonymous]

So are you related to Harry or Meghan?

[Anonymous]

My sister’s husband did this. His book included a chapter about my sister’s life that presented several of my family members in a very unfair light. Only family members and friends ever read the book. At his funeral, there were copies of the book on several tables throughout the funeral home. It was mortifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

I've contemplated writing a memoir about my life which would include interesting, relevant and scandalous details about my family. I've waited for my parents to pass before starting...it's been 13 years. I haven't begun yet because I have siblings, like you, who would be very upset. I could use fake names, fudge important dates, etc, but how much should I change? Would you have been okay with any iteration of your sister's book? Is her story not worth telling? What was her motive for writing? If it is part of her healing, let her have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry no one else will ever read it.

This.

I don’t read or go I’ve met books or tv tapings. Read it when and if yours ready, esp sicne you are not close.

It’s super easy and cheap to self-publish online a paperback. After her friend group buys a copy, it’ll prob go down to $1.

Did her therapist tell her to keep a journal or something and this was the result? Odd. Everyone has their story and the truth is always in the middle or a mystery. I wouldn’t care to read 8B people’s memoirs. Blech

[Anonymous]

I'm not a big fan of memoirs. It's very naval gazing, and often extremely wounding to those who make appearances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

I've contemplated writing a memoir about my life which would include interesting, relevant and scandalous details about my family. I've waited for my parents to pass before starting...it's been 13 years. I haven't begun yet because I have siblings, like you, who would be very upset. I could use fake names, fudge important dates, etc, but how much should I change? Would you have been okay with any iteration of your sister's book? Is her story not worth telling? What was her motive for writing? If it is part of her healing, let her have it.

Unless you’re a really great writer/novelist, I doubt publishers would be interested in what looks at face like a novel about random people. Put it all down in a file in your computer and leave your kids one of those legacy keys to your cloud drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

I've contemplated writing a memoir about my life which would include interesting, relevant and scandalous details about my family. I've waited for my parents to pass before starting...it's been 13 years. I haven't begun yet because I have siblings, like you, who would be very upset. I could use fake names, fudge important dates, etc, but how much should I change? Would you have been okay with any iteration of your sister's book? Is her story not worth telling? What was her motive for writing? If it is part of her healing, let her have it.

Unless you’re a really great writer/novelist, I doubt publishers would be interested in what looks at face like a novel about random people. Put it all down in a file in your computer and leave your kids one of those legacy keys to your cloud drive.

Another thought: you could self-publish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not reading it. The curiosity alone would kill me. Are the family secrets things you already knew?

This is me. I might not ever admit to her I read it, but I would certainly want to know what gossip she's putting in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine not reading it. The curiosity alone would kill me. Are the family secrets things you already knew?

This is me. I might not ever admit to her I read it, but I would certainly want to know what gossip she's putting in there!

Same! If for no other reason, I’d want to know what she’s telling other family members and mutual friends about me.

[Anonymous]

My brother, semi-famous screen writer (seriously) wrote a screenplay about our family drama - nothing crazy, just usual run-of-the-mill arguments. He has said it will remain unpublished he wrote as an exercise. I have zero interest in reading it I would not want to see how he portrayed my husband and I, and I imagine it would only make me angry/defensive/upset and you can't unread things, even if it's not always reality that is conveyed in writing.

He also did the same exercise to break up with an ex GF. He wrote a screenplay about a man breaking up with a woman, similar parallels to their relationship, asked her to read it. She did. He dumped her. Yes, he's kind of a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are you related to Harry or Meghan?

Yes, unless her name is Harry, no one will read it.

[Anonymous]

Take comfort in knowing that most intelligent people understand their are multiple "realities" and are unlikely to give much thought to the book, if it even is read by any substantial number at all. The odds are it won't be.Additionally, for memoir readers especially so few things are even shocking anymore. It's all been done and said, nothing new under the sun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry no one else will ever read it.

This.

A distorted version of me features prominently in an ex’s memoir. At first I was really angry and hurt. Seven years later, barely any copies have sold and maybe 20 people know it was supposed to be me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister who I have very little to do with (large age gap, didn’t live together and we just aren’t close) took it upon herself to write a memoir about our family. Our family isn’t famous or extremely notable but she did manage to get it published. She isn’t a writer by trade and also isn’t famous or notable. She sent me a copy and wants to know what I think. I have zero interest in reading it and nobody consulted me or asked me what I thought before it came out so I’m very annoyed at the whole thing. I’ve been told by another relative it divulges some very personal family information that I would have never told anyone about and paints a few relatives in poor lighting (unfairly so). How do I get her to back off about this? I want nothing to do with it. Just ignore her?

Awfully long post for something you claim to not care about.

[Anonymous]

It's tacky for her to do if she's sharing secrets about family members without getting their buy-in. Of course she can still do it, but she better be willing to pay the price of fractured relationships that could result from her decision.

If she wants to air her OWN dirty laundry, have at it. That's her prerogative. But sharing others' private lives crosses a line that for me would forever alter my relationship with that person.