Money Money Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

It falls very high on my list of priorities, as you could argue our entire society was built on money and its acquisition.

My DH and I are very comfortable (but not rich) and I don’t do anything to show this off to the world. We do take nice vacations but otherwise I shop mostly at Target, TJ Maxx etc. We share a car and it’s not a luxury brand. We live in a good school district and our kids go to public.

I don’t assume anyone is jealous of me because that’s not how I see the world.

You’re very comfortable but get clothes from Target? Is it to save money or because you don’t care about clothing brands? Not trying to be judgmental, just genuinely curious. Once I made more money I bought nicer clothes since it’s not a big cost in the greater scheme of things anyways.

Target provides a pretty good value considering how poor the quality of expensive clothing is at this point. People compliment my clothes all the time and it’s often my pieces from target.

+1. Target, TJ Maxx, Costco. I found that once we had a significant amount of money, I know longer care if people know. I carry a $25 no-name purse for TJ Maxx and drive an minivan, and it’s not knew. Buying stuff isn’t the thrill it once was.

Just curious how much is a significant amount of money? My mom used to buy me clothes from TJ Maxx all the time as a kid and I don’t think I can ever fo back there because I can’t help but associate it with either being poor or super frugal…

That seems like it’s your personal hang up and unrelated to how much money you have. I have noticed people who have lots of money or grew up with money don’t mind being frugal. There’s nothing wrong with a $40 dress from TJ Maxx or a $500 dress if they like either. They just buy what they want because they can afford it and it looks good.

[Anonymous]

It's clear to me that one's life is usually a lot easier when you have money to throw around if various problems arise. So I make it a priority to save as much money as I can while trying my best to eliminate such problems.

I do derive pleasure from seeing my savings balance rise over time- more pleasure than I would typically get from spending the money on something, even some minor treat. This can be hard for a lot of people to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's clear to me that one's life is usually a lot easier when you have money to throw around if various problems arise. So I make it a priority to save as much money as I can while trying my best to eliminate such problems.

I do derive pleasure from seeing my savings balance rise over time- more pleasure than I would typically get from spending the money on something, even some minor treat. This can be hard for a lot of people to understand.

I agree! I have a close girlfriend who makes a pretty good HHI with her husband, but they always opt to spend rather than save. I gave her an analogy to food - I have a much harder time passing up great food than I do spending money. She is more vain than I am and would rather be thin than eat what she wants. I'm the opposite. I told her that her being able to resist yummy food because she'd rather delay gratification and be lighter is just like me being able to resist spending money. I also get more pleasure from giving to charity than buyiing things, and she does not have a charitable giving practice. She thought that was interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

It falls very high on my list of priorities, as you could argue our entire society was built on money and its acquisition.

My DH and I are very comfortable (but not rich) and I don’t do anything to show this off to the world. We do take nice vacations but otherwise I shop mostly at Target, TJ Maxx etc. We share a car and it’s not a luxury brand. We live in a good school district and our kids go to public.

I don’t assume anyone is jealous of me because that’s not how I see the world.

You’re very comfortable but get clothes from Target? Is it to save money or because you don’t care about clothing brands? Not trying to be judgmental, just genuinely curious. Once I made more money I bought nicer clothes since it’s not a big cost in the greater scheme of things anyways.

Target provides a pretty good value considering how poor the quality of expensive clothing is at this point. People compliment my clothes all the time and it’s often my pieces from target.

+1. Target, TJ Maxx, Costco. I found that once we had a significant amount of money, I know longer care if people know. I carry a $25 no-name purse for TJ Maxx and drive an minivan, and it’s not knew. Buying stuff isn’t the thrill it once was.

Just curious how much is a significant amount of money? My mom used to buy me clothes from TJ Maxx all the time as a kid and I don’t think I can ever fo back there because I can’t help but associate it with either being poor or super frugal…

That seems like it’s your personal hang up and unrelated to how much money you have. I have noticed people who have lots of money or grew up with money don’t mind being frugal. There’s nothing wrong with a $40 dress from TJ Maxx or a $500 dress if they like either. They just buy what they want because they can afford it and it looks good.

I totally agree it’s just my hang up. I always felt like I couldn’t get nice stuff as a kid so now that I have more money, I tend to always get the nicer/upgraded versions of things. I’m not one to ever spend $500 on a dress but I avoid “discount” stores like TJ Maxx because they just remind me of not being able to shop anywhere else as a kid. Like I will get a $100 dress from Ann Taylor. Though I do find that the more “nicer” stuff I buy, I more I realize I’m OK with the cheaper stuff too and nicer stuff doesn’t make me happier. Funny how that works!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear to me that one's life is usually a lot easier when you have money to throw around if various problems arise. So I make it a priority to save as much money as I can while trying my best to eliminate such problems.

I do derive pleasure from seeing my savings balance rise over time- more pleasure than I would typically get from spending the money on something, even some minor treat. This can be hard for a lot of people to understand.

I agree! I have a close girlfriend who makes a pretty good HHI with her husband, but they always opt to spend rather than save. I gave her an analogy to food - I have a much harder time passing up great food than I do spending money. She is more vain than I am and would rather be thin than eat what she wants. I'm the opposite. I told her that her being able to resist yummy food because she'd rather delay gratification and be lighter is just like me being able to resist spending money. I also get more pleasure from giving to charity than buyiing things, and she does not have a charitable giving practice. She thought that was interesting.

I feel like it’s impossible to delay gratification in everything, and we all end up picking and choosing. I am definitely more on the “save money and eat cake” side of the spectrum but am lately eating carrots and spending a little more money because I can’t do everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's clear to me that one's life is usually a lot easier when you have money to throw around if various problems arise. So I make it a priority to save as much money as I can while trying my best to eliminate such problems.

I do derive pleasure from seeing my savings balance rise over time- more pleasure than I would typically get from spending the money on something, even some minor treat. This can be hard for a lot of people to understand.

I agree! I have a close girlfriend who makes a pretty good HHI with her husband, but they always opt to spend rather than save. I gave her an analogy to food - I have a much harder time passing up great food than I do spending money. She is more vain than I am and would rather be thin than eat what she wants. I'm the opposite. I told her that her being able to resist yummy food because she'd rather delay gratification and be lighter is just like me being able to resist spending money. I also get more pleasure from giving to charity than buyiing things, and she does not have a charitable giving practice. She thought that was interesting.

I feel like it’s impossible to delay gratification in everything, and we all end up picking and choosing. I am definitely more on the “save money and eat cake” side of the spectrum but am lately eating carrots and spending a little more money because I can’t do everything.

Exactly! I'm super disciplined about my work, keeping my house up and not overspending, but I do indulge in food and wine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else, perspective is required. I retired early as a big law partner with a net worth of about $4 million. A decade later, I’m worth about $7 million. When I left my firm I was making close to $1 million a year, and had I stayed where I was by now I’d likely be making close to $1.5 million a year and my net worth would probably be double what it now is. But it wasn’t worth it to me. Yes, money is important but it isn’t everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

Um, of course it's a thing (?) is this really news to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else, perspective is required. I retired early as a big law partner with a net worth of about $4 million. A decade later, I’m worth about $7 million. When I left my firm I was making close to $1 million a year, and had I stayed where I was by now I’d likely be making close to $1.5 million a year and my net worth would probably be double what it now is. But it wasn’t worth it to me. Yes, money is important but it isn’t everything.

You were making almost a million a year, and your net worth was only $4 million? You were a huge spender and worked like a maniac. My husband and I made about $450,000 a year at most and when he retired, our net worth was over $8 million. And neither of us worked like biglaw partners do in the early years. Holy cow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

Um, of course it's a thing (?) is this really news to you?

Yes? Why would I be treated better if I’m wearing business casual vs. if I’m wearing a hoodie and leggings or something. I mean I don’t look like I rolled out of bed and didn’t shower; I’m just not going to go to the store looking nicer bc I want the cashier to be nicer to me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

Um, of course it's a thing (?) is this really news to you?

Yes? Why would I be treated better if I’m wearing business casual vs. if I’m wearing a hoodie and leggings or something. I mean I don’t look like I rolled out of bed and didn’t shower; I’m just not going to go to the store looking nicer bc I want the cashier to be nicer to me?

Google this - look it up on You Tube and Tik Tok. My goodness you're naive.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

Um, of course it's a thing (?) is this really news to you?

Yes? Why would I be treated better if I’m wearing business casual vs. if I’m wearing a hoodie and leggings or something. I mean I don’t look like I rolled out of bed and didn’t shower; I’m just not going to go to the store looking nicer bc I want the cashier to be nicer to me?

Google this - look it up on You Tube and Tik Tok. My goodness you're naive.

Eh not the kind of stuff I care to watch but you do you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes money provides so much.

Where does it fall on your list of priorities? If you have money is it important that you let other people know by material things? Do you assume people are jealous of you?

It seems like many responses point to money money money being the driving factor.

Money is very high on my list because I come from a poor family. I'm the first one in my family to go to college.
I have escaped poverty and I now consider myself UMC.
I have experienced growing up that rich people are treated with more respect. The poor are ignored and disrespected.
I buy expensive things to let other people know that I have money. Everywhere I go, I'm more respected and I'm getting better services because of it.

Are you a minority? Because I'm a waspy looking white woman and I do NOT buy expensive things (although I maintain a very neat and tidy appearance) and do not find I am lacking respect or services.

Not PP, but I do think minorities, especially Latinos and African Americans, wouldn’t have the same customer service experience across the board that you take for granted. I think sometimes minorities are racially profiled as shoplifting risks, etc. if it doesn’t appear like they are wealthy.

Yes, I’m AA and I an always deliberate about looking put together and stealth wealth signaling so that I get better/acceptable treatment. And it’s true, I’ve had (white) people go from not acknowledging me to asking me out to eat once they see a Bottega Veneta purse, or learning where I went to school, etc. it’s gross that it makes a difference, but it does.

Curious, how do you practice stealth wealth and look put together / wear a Bottega Veneta purse -- which I assume is expensive since you're mentioning the name. Sounds like a contradiction.

They're not the same thing, and can readily be done at the same time.

Looking put together is about grooming, and about wearing the right clothing for the environment. It's dressing business casual at the doctors office rather than wearing ripped jeans and an oversized, free t-shirt because you don't have to be in the office that day, or wearing a suit to court to contest your speeding ticket (because literally everyone else will be in pajamas). It's about not wearing visible labels on clothing, or having your clothes tailored so that it fits your body. Looking put together is about having my hair proactively styled - no bedhead or sloppy buns. You can look put together regardless of your socio economic class and the amount of money you spend on clothes and accessories. Looking put together gets you better treatment everywhere.

Stealth wealth is really just class signaling, just upper class signals specifically. It's stuff that is recognizable to a certain class but aren't known/don't stick out to people who aren't. One of the things that I learned from attending fancy private schools is that there are lots of small (and big) things that signal class. A lot of it is recognizable to people who can also afford it and know about it, but won't stick out to people who don't. Bottega Veneta is just an example of a heritage brand that has very distinctive designs that are obvious to anyone who knows about it, but it's not like a Louis Vuitton bag that is so mainstream that it's 100% recognizable to everyone. (Though this is changing, because Bottega Veneta has become so trendy in the last 5-10 years - though their trendy designs are a departure from their historical designs, so there's a difference there.) I distinctly remember a college friend of mine going out and buying a 2K Bottega Veneta purse on a random Tuesday. It was ridiculous, while I had spent the better part of the school year in my workstudy job trying to save up money to buy myself a laptop so I wouldn't have to write my papers in the computer lab in the basement. But the signal also doesn't have to be super expensive, even as it suggests something expensive. For example, boat shoes. They can cost $75, and be widely purchased by a lot of people, but in the right context, they suggest you have routine access to a boat and need specific shoes that are grippy but don't leave marks. I literally never saw a pair of boat shoes before going to private school. There are middle class signals too (think the heyday of the GAP or J.CREW or modern day Madewell). I just personally choose upper class signals because I get better treatment when I travel in upper class circles (and if you know what you're looking for, a lot of it is actually better made too).

I’ve never thought that dressing better would get you better treatment. Is this really a thing or primarily if you are AA? Can you give some examples? I’m Asian and go to the doctors office looking sloppy and never thought it would make a difference.

Um, of course it's a thing (?) is this really news to you?

Yes? Why would I be treated better if I’m wearing business casual vs. if I’m wearing a hoodie and leggings or something. I mean I don’t look like I rolled out of bed and didn’t shower; I’m just not going to go to the store looking nicer bc I want the cashier to be nicer to me?

Google this - look it up on You Tube and Tik Tok. My goodness you're naive.

Eh not the kind of stuff I care to watch but you do you

It's about educating yourself, not for enjoyment. Of course this is only news to minorities as we have to deal with the stress of being targeted and treated like a potential criminal if we dare step outside our house wearing a hoodie and sweats. This is a good time to take a minute and think about our own inner biases of when you see someone dressed super sharp vs someone who is in sweats etc. Although some may not care to admit it, most people do take notice and give higher levels of respect to someone who is very well-dressed and looks put together, because it magnifies their own insecurities about how they look. There are exceptions, of course, but by and large, research shows that the way you dress impacts people's perception of you.