Tell 9 yo we're euthanizing dog, or just say the dog died?

[Anonymous]

Have another talk with her about why euthanasia is a good option. If she's still horrified, then she's just not ready, so lie. Prepare her that the pet will probably die in the next few days so she can essentially say goodbye. But once you lie, you definitely cannot tell her the truth until she's an adult, imo. She'll feel so betrayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly given her reaction I would probably just do it while she is at school and say the dog died, however do you think not having a chance to say goodbye could make things worse.

I have a child the same age who has learned a lot about the world over the past year and I feel like it’s a lot. I would not feel the need to add euthanization to the mix personally.

This. Just tell her the dog had such a bad day the vet came to the house and the dog died peacefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

Childhood doesn’t mean unicorns and fairies and snowplowing hardships out of the way. It’s also a time to develop empathy and experience sadness in a normal way. Do you not let your kids read charlotte’s web, old yeller, or where the red fern grows either? I don’t think you should look for sorrow, but putting the family down to sleep isn’t an event to hide from a 9 year old.

[Anonymous]

I would tell but I practice radical honesty.

[Anonymous]

I have a six year old and seven year old. How this worked for us is that I had to take our cat to the emergency vet to be put down. We had the kids give him their best wishes and told them that he may not make it. Then the next day we vaguely talked about how sometimes animals/ppl die at home, sometimes at the hospital, sometimes with animals we help them at the end. Anyway I didn’t come out and say it but I’m pretty sure the older one got it and my younger kid didn’t. Then since then we answered all questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

Yeah, teach her that parents lie, great plan

All parents lie to their kids and you do, too. ‘Johnny, you played great today. I love the way you ran towards the ball and you got your teammates involved’ although they may be the worst on the team.

[Anonymous]

We just did this with our 7 year old. We spent a few days talking about how sick he was, then when my husband took my son out of the house the vet came. It was heart wrenching to tell my son the dog’s heart gave out and he went to sleep.

My son is still so sad but he is too young to understand euthanasia. He asks all kinds of questions but he’s too young to be there. I think if you are asking you might think your child is too young.

We are devastated as a family but we couldn’t save our dog. He was suffering. I miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

The sadness is the death of the pet which can’t be hidden. Euthanasia is a gift that we can give our animals as responsible pet owners, a gift that avoids prolonged suffering and pain. The animal DID have a peaceful death because a veterinarian facilitated it. I have three kids and we have lost two dogs during their childhood, and it’s hard no matter what because what is upsetting to the child isn’t how the death happened but the fact that the dog is no longer with us. I made sure that they understood that the death was a smooth process because we were able to get the dog to the veterinarian who could help, and that brought them some kind of peace with the process knowing the dog wasn’t in pain.

[Anonymous]

Watch the movie Marley and Me with her and then talk to her about it. The plot involves ( SPOILER) the central family putting down their dog with age related ill health. It’s a tear jerker but I think most people including children with come away with the option that it was in the dogs best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the PPs. Euthanizing the dog is part of being a responsible animal owner. It’s okay if she’s upset about it. You’re the adult. Do it, explain it, and let her be upset about it. She’ll understand it later. I might give her the option of being present or saying goodbye before the process.

I'm the poster who was just shy of 13 when my parents put our dog to sleep. I asked why we didn't put my great-grandma to sleep too since she was also old and suffering. The only answer I got was that we don't do that to people. Apparently I was ahead of my time.

When my brother was around 5-6, he found out that unwanted pets at animal shelters are euthanized. He then asked if that was done to unwanted children as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her the truth. Explain how dogs can’t tell us when they are suffering, but we, along with their vet, can see the signs. Our pets will often continue living even through suffering because they want to please us as companions. I suggest explaining that to her, so she doesn’t think you are just making this decision based on your own feelings.

I’m very sorry for your family’s loss. It is so hard to say goodbye to a beloved pet.

Agree with this and 17:31. Just be honest in a tactful and age appropriate way. I think even if you say “oh Bowser died while you were at school” the kid will put it together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

Like parents who give their kids phones in 5th grade. Why the rush to have your kid grow up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

Like parents who give their kids phones in 5th grade. Why the rush to have your kid grow up?

What? This isn’t rushing the kid to grow up. It’s a choice between lying and telling the truth. It seems like those who suggest lying are a) feeling guilty and don’t think they’re making the moral choice with euthanasia or b) lazy about having tough convos with their kids.

It’s a dog, it’s a moral choice to prevent suffering, and it’s a fact of life. The dog is dead either way, which is the actually sad part. And the kid is 9, not 4. My 6 year old understood what was happening because we talked about it in an age-appropriate way. Anyone who is left traumatized by a childhood pet’s euthanasia didn’t have an empathetic parent who made an effort to talk about hard things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the PPs. Euthanizing the dog is part of being a responsible animal owner. It’s okay if she’s upset about it. You’re the adult. Do it, explain it, and let her be upset about it. She’ll understand it later. I might give her the option of being present or saying goodbye before the process.

I'm the poster who was just shy of 13 when my parents put our dog to sleep. I asked why we didn't put my great-grandma to sleep too since she was also old and suffering. The only answer I got was that we don't do that to people. Apparently I was ahead of my time.

When my brother was around 5-6, he found out that unwanted pets at animal shelters are euthanized. He then asked if that was done to unwanted children as well.

And? How is that not a good conversation to have? Animals and humans aren’t the same.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks for all the thoughtful input. We told DD about 24 hours before the vet came and I'm so glad we did.

With more exposure to the idea, DD was able to see why it was necessary. We all spent a long weekend doting on the dog, and DD might have checked out of that if she didn't know. We all cried a lot and looked at pictures and spoiled the dog with treats.

I did not initially plan to have DD stay for the procedure, but she wanted to and that was the right choice too. The Lap of Love vet was really great.