Tell 9 yo we're euthanizing dog, or just say the dog died?

[Anonymous]

Flash forward a couple years. Your daughter is at a friends house when the friend’s uncle touches her inappropriately.

Do you want her to say to herself “ugh, if I tell my parents this is going to be a whole big thing. Lots of follow up questions, lots of emotions, regret, etc. It will be much easier to just tell them I don’t like that friend anymore, never go to her house again, and warn all our other friends so they don’t go either.” Or do you want her to tell you the raw, difficult truth?

You can’t expect honesty about tough things from your children if you’re unwilling to show them the same courtesy and model how difficult, emotional conversations can be approached.

If she were 5 or 6, I could respect the white lie in this moment. But a 9 year old can handle this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flash forward a couple years. Your daughter is at a friends house when the friend’s uncle touches her inappropriately.

Do you want her to say to herself “ugh, if I tell my parents this is going to be a whole big thing. Lots of follow up questions, lots of emotions, regret, etc. It will be much easier to just tell them I don’t like that friend anymore, never go to her house again, and warn all our other friends so they don’t go either.” Or do you want her to tell you the raw, difficult truth?

You can’t expect honesty about tough things from your children if you’re unwilling to show them the same courtesy and model how difficult, emotional conversations can be approached.

If she were 5 or 6, I could respect the white lie in this moment. But a 9 year old can handle this.

WTF?! One has nothing to do with the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I tried to prepare my 9.5 year old today and she is horrified that we would kill our beloved pet. So I'm talking to her about quality of life and how we must do the kind thing ... but I'm also hedging by saying the dog could pass on her own.

Does your DD understand how much the dog is suffering?

[Anonymous]

If you need help with this conversation (sounds like you’re doing a great job though), the vet might be able to help or the school social worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flash forward a couple years. Your daughter is at a friends house when the friend’s uncle touches her inappropriately.

Do you want her to say to herself “ugh, if I tell my parents this is going to be a whole big thing. Lots of follow up questions, lots of emotions, regret, etc. It will be much easier to just tell them I don’t like that friend anymore, never go to her house again, and warn all our other friends so they don’t go either.” Or do you want her to tell you the raw, difficult truth?

You can’t expect honesty about tough things from your children if you’re unwilling to show them the same courtesy and model how difficult, emotional conversations can be approached.

If she were 5 or 6, I could respect the white lie in this moment. But a 9 year old can handle this.

OMG. You are disgusting.

[Anonymous]

We put our old dog to sleep last year when my oldest was 8 and I told him the truth. I didn't want to lie to him because he was old enough to understand. I also didn't want to risk him telling someone at school the dog died and having him learn about euthanasia that way. I explained that our dog was old (which DS could see) and that he wasn't healthy any more. Rather than risk the dog being in pain or getting hurt, the vet could give him a shot to make him fall asleep and he'd never wake up. I acknowledged it would be sad but that it was best for the dog. He was sad of course and had a few follow up questions, but the concept of putting the dog to sleep didn't seem to upset him in particular.

That said, I did not do it in my son's presence. We did it when he was at school. I think actually seeing the dog put to sleep would be hard for a child that age.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 10 and we just put one of our dogs down in Oct. we also had a vet come to the house. I told DD, and she was present while we did it. I would be honest personally. If you lie know you’ve got to keep it up. This is part of owning and loving a pet.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the PPs. Euthanizing the dog is part of being a responsible animal owner. It’s okay if she’s upset about it. You’re the adult. Do it, explain it, and let her be upset about it. She’ll understand it later. I might give her the option of being present or saying goodbye before the process.

[Anonymous]

You know your child's maturity level the best. A little older and I would be firmly on the side of telling them that we had to euthanize, but some 9yos are still very emotionally immature. In general a child can understand that animals don't understand why they're in pain and can't manage it the way a human can, so sometimes the best thing you can do as a responsible pet owner is to take the animal's pain away. It makes us very sad as pet owners, but we have to do what is best for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flash forward a couple years. Your daughter is at a friends house when the friend’s uncle touches her inappropriately.

Do you want her to say to herself “ugh, if I tell my parents this is going to be a whole big thing. Lots of follow up questions, lots of emotions, regret, etc. It will be much easier to just tell them I don’t like that friend anymore, never go to her house again, and warn all our other friends so they don’t go either.” Or do you want her to tell you the raw, difficult truth?

You can’t expect honesty about tough things from your children if you’re unwilling to show them the same courtesy and model how difficult, emotional conversations can be approached.

If she were 5 or 6, I could respect the white lie in this moment. But a 9 year old can handle this.

Well, that escalated quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the PPs. Euthanizing the dog is part of being a responsible animal owner. It’s okay if she’s upset about it. You’re the adult. Do it, explain it, and let her be upset about it. She’ll understand it later. I might give her the option of being present or saying goodbye before the process.

+1

Came here to post the same. This is part of owning a pet. It sucks, but it is a critical responsibility and 9 years old is old enough to be able to have honest conversations about it.

[Anonymous]

We put our dog down and our 10 year old came with us to the vet. He said goodbye and left the room before our dog was euthanized. I would advise being honest. It’s very sad, but I think a 8-10 year old is old enough to understand that end of life care is part of being a good pet owner. The vet spoke to our son and it was helpful for him to hear from a vet’s perspective. It may seem easier to just tell your kid the dog died, but in the long run, I think it’s better to explain that we owe it to our pets and to ourselves not to let them suffer.

[Anonymous]

9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 is a child. I don’t understand parents who rush kids out of their childhoods. Give her the gift of not having adult worries like responsible pet ownership and tell her it died peacefully while she was at school. Give her a chance to say goodbye by telling her you think the end is really close. But if you can spare her a little heartache, if you really think it would upset her, why wouldn’t you

Yeah, teach her that parents lie, great plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the PPs. Euthanizing the dog is part of being a responsible animal owner. It’s okay if she’s upset about it. You’re the adult. Do it, explain it, and let her be upset about it. She’ll understand it later. I might give her the option of being present or saying goodbye before the process.

I'm the poster who was just shy of 13 when my parents put our dog to sleep. I asked why we didn't put my great-grandma to sleep too since she was also old and suffering. The only answer I got was that we don't do that to people. Apparently I was ahead of my time.