Skin tone question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.

Yes, this.

My family is mixed Black and white. The Black side uses skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for everyone they describe. The white side only includes skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for non-whites.

When my white kid started commenting on and asking about race (around age 3), my DH and I started reading up on how to discuss it and came across a study they'd done where they had mothers read a book about diversity or tolerance to their kids. All the moms who were POC talked explicitly about race when reading it to their kids, saying words like "black", "white", etc. The white moms used words like "tolerance" and "diversity" but never actually said "white" or "black" or mentioned anyone's race at all. The upshot was that the white kids got a much more vague idea of what racism is, what diversity means, what tolerating people of different races means. And most specifically, the white kids didn't wind up having a conversation of self-identification about how they were white.

That's really stuck with me and I definitely have caught myself doing it. But it was useful to have it pointed out. I think that's part of why I had discomfort when my kid started mentioning people's race -- I was raised to not discuss it. But reading about that study made me realize I need to get over myself and get more comfortable talking about race, including our own race. My kid knows she's white and definitely doesn't consider it the default. It's a small victory but it feels like something at least.

You probably never hung on with any other ethnicities that’s a uou problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK I’m the outlier here but I don’t really like when kids talk about somebody having light skin or dark skin. Because that’s all relative to the white person. Relative to a white person I have dark skin, but relative to a black person I have light skin. So I don’t like describing people in terms of light or dark because that’s a relative term and it’s relative to favor white people. I think talking in terms of lighter and darker is undesirable. And it is separate and distinct from talking in terms of skin color like tan, white, etc. if my biracial child were to talk about somebody being light skin or dark skinned I would correct it. I don’t think it’s polite to say that x child is dark. All that does is ostracize a child. I would just cost correct and say everyone looks different and that’s just how the world is. We may look different from each other outside but we are all equal and no one is better than anyone else.

Wtf? Skin colors are literally lighter or darker. If you don’t think it’s polite to call a person dark-skinned it’s because you think something is wrong with dark skin. I would be so insulted if someone described one child as white and the other as “that child over there”.

Yes but lighter or darker is relative. Those are not absolute terms. A person with brown skin can be light skinned compared to a person with darker skin. I don’t teach my kids to say “he has dark skin” because that’s a relative term and the “spectrum” is based on white people. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with darker skin but I’m not ignorant of ongoing prejudice against dark skin that exists in America and also across other cultures. If someone is Black, we say they are Black. We don’t tiptoe around it like it’s an insult. My kids are part Black with a capital B.