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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's fine to describe a person's skin tone but it's also important to remember not to use white as a default. For example, if describing people's skin tone it would be weird to point out and describe everyone's skin tone except for white people.[/quote]

Yes, this.

My family is mixed Black and white. The Black side uses skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for everyone they describe. The white side only includes skin tone, color, and/or race/ethnicity for non-whites.[/quote]

When my white kid started commenting on and asking about race (around age 3), my DH and I started reading up on how to discuss it and came across a study they'd done where they had mothers read a book about diversity or tolerance to their kids. All the moms who were POC talked explicitly about race when reading it to their kids, saying words like "black", "white", etc. The white moms used words like "tolerance" and "diversity" but never actually said "white" or "black" or mentioned anyone's race at all. The upshot was that the white kids got a much more vague idea of what racism is, what diversity means, what tolerating people of different races means. And most specifically, the white kids didn't wind up having a conversation of self-identification about how they were white.

That's really stuck with me and I definitely have caught myself doing it. But it was useful to have it pointed out. I think that's part of why I had discomfort when my kid started mentioning people's race -- I was raised to not discuss it. But reading about that study made me realize I need to get over myself and get more comfortable talking about race, including our own race. My kid knows she's white and definitely doesn't consider it the default. It's a small victory but it feels like something at least.[/quote]

You probably never hung on with any other ethnicities that’s a uou problem [/quote]

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