Are you ever secretly jealous of people with degrees from elite private schools?

[Anonymous]

I am slightly jealous of people who had choices of where they could go to school. I went to my local state school on a scholarship and had to work to pay for what my scholarship didn’t cover. I wasn’t able to participate in as much fun college stuff because of work, but it paid off in terms of career. Glad that my kids will have it a little easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not crazy. I feel the same way but am not really bothered because we’re all in the same place today and none of it really matters.

Bingo! If someone is judging me about where I went to college, it says a lot more about them than it does about me. Using their framework, they must have failed in some way if we have ended up in the same social milieu.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you mean OP. I went to a commuter state school and earlier a Catholic parish H.S. Boarding schools + Ivies are so posh. My kid went to HYP and never has to prove how smart/posh she is.

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You obviously are insecure and it's great your kid is at HYP but in reality after a certain point no one cares where you went to school (I went to an ivy so I know). What matters more is how you perform and how resourceful you are. There are couple of people from Harvard who I have worked with who make me question their admission practices so I personally never assume going to a top school guarantees intelligence. Some of my ivy classmates did well but most live average lives. I tell my kids to focus on knowledge and skills and not to be too enamoured by brand names. In the current environment going to an ivy does not mean you are smart but that fit into some institutional priority (not denying that there are some very talented kids at those institutions).

[Anonymous]

I'm jealous if someone is successful.
Not jealous at all for attending certain school.
School is nothing but a stepping stone.

[Anonymous]

I'm much more zealous if someone's parents are super rich

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my spouse went to no name schools and makes more than my sibling doctor who went to ivys.

I guess for me, it's not really about the money. It's about all the vague, ambiguous things, like class and pedigree. I don't necessarily like that I think this way, but I do. You can fake a lot of things in life, like the ability to buy luxury brands or nice clothing or an expensive watch, or certain affectations. But education? You can't fake that.

The thing I have noticed about a number of my friends (not super close and made as adults) who happened to go to ivy type schools is that many of them seem to be "very smart" in very particular ways but lack common sense and a trust in their own decision making. They really care an awful lot about what others think of them and some have a hard time making decisions for themselves and need "approval" from others more than the "average" person, based on my experiences. I met most of these people here in DC, so a selected group, and I am referring to about four or five women who went to Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Brown. Obviously not all Ivy grads are like this but there really is a pattern with the people I am thinking of and none of them know each other. It is kind of odd. Could mean nothing, but no I don't envy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the people who are talking about money and how that's so much more enviable are more tacky than education envy.

Sorry you're poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not crazy. I feel the same way but am not really bothered because we’re all in the same place today and none of it really matters.

Bingo! If someone is judging me about where I went to college, it says a lot more about them than it does about me. Using their framework, they must have failed in some way if we have ended up in the same social milieu.

THIS THIS THIS! I think the same thing. I run in social circles with people who feel the need to drop the name of the college they went to. It's usually some Ivy League school. What is with the lack of self esteem for these folks?

[Anonymous]

FWIW, OP, I went to Northwestern, and I don't think where people went to school matters at all. I work at NIH and there are SO many smart people there--really, really smart people--most of whom didn't go to elite schools. There are plenty of people at elite schools who aren't all that bright but who got there by virtue of who there parents are. When I hire, I focus on the person, not the school, and I definitely don't assume someone will be smart and a hard worker because have an Ivy League degree.

I do think some of these schools cultivate an attitude of superiority among their students (or, at least, some of their students), which makes some people *think* they're extra special. They almost never are.

[Anonymous]

^^who *their* parents are. Haha! See, went to NU and I make typos with the best of them.

[Anonymous]

The only people I'm jealous of are Sasha and Malia. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not crazy. I feel the same way but am not really bothered because we’re all in the same place today and none of it really matters.

Bingo! If someone is judging me about where I went to college, it says a lot more about them than it does about me. Using their framework, they must have failed in some way if we have ended up in the same social milieu.

+1

I can’t imagine feeling jealous or judgey about where someone went to college. They went to Harvard? Good for them! They went to the community college? Good for them? They never went to college? Good for them- they’re probably the smartest ones of all because if we’re running in the same social circles they did something very right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, my spouse went to no name schools and makes more than my sibling doctor who went to ivys.

I guess for me, it's not really about the money. It's about all the vague, ambiguous things, like class and pedigree. I don't necessarily like that I think this way, but I do. You can fake a lot of things in life, like the ability to buy luxury brands or nice clothing or an expensive watch, or certain affectations. But education? You can't fake that.

Columbia was literally caught faking rankings, and 1/3rd of their students come in through the General Studies backdoor. Definitely fakeable.

Columbia’s General Studies “backdoor” in no way diminishes the quality of education at Columbia. Columbia was caught, but all the top schools have games the system for 30 years or more, almost all by doing things that don’t actually affect the education or outcome. That’s why USNWR will be 0 factor for us.

“You can’t arrest me for fraud, officer. Everyone is doing it, I swear.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only people I'm jealous of are Sasha and Malia. That's it.

who are they?

[Anonymous]

OP, you shouldn’t feel insecure about this. There are so many reasons people go to the schools they go to, I don’t think you can conclude a ton from it past a certain age. You are either performing or you’re not (and I say this recognizing that the US workplace is not a meritocracy).

That said, I suspect others feel like you do though their pride would never let them admit it. I was a regular middle class kid and went to a T10 college and T3 law school where I met my husband (T3 business school). Actual comments people have made to us

- I got the same job you did, but at a fraction of the price. (Think Cal vs Stanford grad starting out in an IBD analyst class)
- Schools don’t matter/tons of dumb kids go to Harvard. Said person then also brags with no shame when their kid gets into Princeton. (Said bragger went to a flagship school in their state.)
- Ivy Leaguers are lazy/entitled/don’t have common sense. Because when you go to those schools, you’re never allowed to have a human moment (of being exhausted, asking for help, etc.)

And on and on and on. I’d rather have my pedigree than not, but I never assume it’ll be an ace in the hole - some people get great glee from rejecting the Harvard kid. So be confident in yourself and don’t let this get the best of you.