Anyone here have 4 kids and both parents work outside the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not me. But I want to throw something out there: it's always assumed in these kinds of threads that X family situation (particularly a lot of kids) is "too hard" or "too complicated" for both parents to be working.

Am I the only one for whom working is easier? My nanny's job is definitely harder than mine!

I work full time, so does my husband. We both have a lot of flexibility. I ostensibly work 40 hours a week, 9-5. But honestly, with breaks, and doing some personal tasks (laundry, phone calls, emails) I probably only put in about six hours a day (which I know research has show is about the high water mark for thought/strategic desk work, so I don't think I'm THAT far out of the mainstream). One of us works from home each day, the other is in the office (we alternate). I don't make a ton, but more than enough to cover the nanny. I have a baby and a toddler, and we'll probably have a third down the line. The nanny keeps the house straightened up.

If I were watching the kids all day, I'd be exhausted at days end, and with no folded laundry to show for it.

I know I'm lucky that my job isn't that stressful and we can afford a nanny. But I don't think this is a total unicorn situation. Am I missing something here?

How old are your kids? I used to feel like you and I still believe that my kids early years were easier for me working (and them in daycare) than if I had stayed at home. So I agree. But, now that my kids are school aged I'm realizing just how much the world is not set up for two working parents. Camps end at 4 pm. School events are at 10 am. Practices are at 5 pm. My work day is the easiest part of the day but sometimes I feel like I'm running all over town trying to keep up with it all and I only have two.

If my kids were in school 9-3 and then I was actually available in the afternoon for pickups, homework, extracurriculars, etc, I'm convinced that would be easier than my current situation. But when they were 1 and 3? Yeah hell no you couldn't drag me away from my job if you tried. It was my lifeline in those years.

Anyway this is ultimately why I only have two. I would gladly do the baby and little years again, but I just can't fathom adding another full sized human + all of their interests and busy schedule into my life.

DP. I agree with you, but I guess that I felt like once I figured out how to make my job work to get to 8am drop-off, random mid-day school events, 3pm pick-up, and choir and soccer practice in the evening, it didn’t really matter how many how many kids I was dropping off or picking up or taking to piano lessons.

In some ways 4 kids isn’t any harder than two.

Do you have 4?

Yes. They are 9, 11, 13, and 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not me. But I want to throw something out there: it's always assumed in these kinds of threads that X family situation (particularly a lot of kids) is "too hard" or "too complicated" for both parents to be working.

Am I the only one for whom working is easier? My nanny's job is definitely harder than mine!

I work full time, so does my husband. We both have a lot of flexibility. I ostensibly work 40 hours a week, 9-5. But honestly, with breaks, and doing some personal tasks (laundry, phone calls, emails) I probably only put in about six hours a day (which I know research has show is about the high water mark for thought/strategic desk work, so I don't think I'm THAT far out of the mainstream). One of us works from home each day, the other is in the office (we alternate). I don't make a ton, but more than enough to cover the nanny. I have a baby and a toddler, and we'll probably have a third down the line. The nanny keeps the house straightened up.

If I were watching the kids all day, I'd be exhausted at days end, and with no folded laundry to show for it.

I know I'm lucky that my job isn't that stressful and we can afford a nanny. But I don't think this is a total unicorn situation. Am I missing something here?

How old are your kids? I used to feel like you and I still believe that my kids early years were easier for me working (and them in daycare) than if I had stayed at home. So I agree. But, now that my kids are school aged I'm realizing just how much the world is not set up for two working parents. Camps end at 4 pm. School events are at 10 am. Practices are at 5 pm. My work day is the easiest part of the day but sometimes I feel like I'm running all over town trying to keep up with it all and I only have two.

If my kids were in school 9-3 and then I was actually available in the afternoon for pickups, homework, extracurriculars, etc, I'm convinced that would be easier than my current situation. But when they were 1 and 3? Yeah hell no you couldn't drag me away from my job if you tried. It was my lifeline in those years.

Anyway this is ultimately why I only have two. I would gladly do the baby and little years again, but I just can't fathom adding another full sized human + all of their interests and busy schedule into my life.

DP. I agree with you, but I guess that I felt like once I figured out how to make my job work to get to 8am drop-off, random mid-day school events, 3pm pick-up, and choir and soccer practice in the evening, it didn’t really matter how many how many kids I was dropping off or picking up or taking to piano lessons.

In some ways 4 kids isn’t any harder than two.

Do you have 4?

Yes. They are 9, 11, 13, and 14.

Me, too, but I think 4 is definitely more work than 2! Maybe you have successfully had them all do the same activity, or nearby activities! (Mine are 19, 17, 14, 12)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not me. But I want to throw something out there: it's always assumed in these kinds of threads that X family situation (particularly a lot of kids) is "too hard" or "too complicated" for both parents to be working.

Am I the only one for whom working is easier? My nanny's job is definitely harder than mine!

I work full time, so does my husband. We both have a lot of flexibility. I ostensibly work 40 hours a week, 9-5. But honestly, with breaks, and doing some personal tasks (laundry, phone calls, emails) I probably only put in about six hours a day (which I know research has show is about the high water mark for thought/strategic desk work, so I don't think I'm THAT far out of the mainstream). One of us works from home each day, the other is in the office (we alternate). I don't make a ton, but more than enough to cover the nanny. I have a baby and a toddler, and we'll probably have a third down the line. The nanny keeps the house straightened up.

If I were watching the kids all day, I'd be exhausted at days end, and with no folded laundry to show for it.

I know I'm lucky that my job isn't that stressful and we can afford a nanny. But I don't think this is a total unicorn situation. Am I missing something here?

How old are your kids? I used to feel like you and I still believe that my kids early years were easier for me working (and them in daycare) than if I had stayed at home. So I agree. But, now that my kids are school aged I'm realizing just how much the world is not set up for two working parents. Camps end at 4 pm. School events are at 10 am. Practices are at 5 pm. My work day is the easiest part of the day but sometimes I feel like I'm running all over town trying to keep up with it all and I only have two.

If my kids were in school 9-3 and then I was actually available in the afternoon for pickups, homework, extracurriculars, etc, I'm convinced that would be easier than my current situation. But when they were 1 and 3? Yeah hell no you couldn't drag me away from my job if you tried. It was my lifeline in those years.

Anyway this is ultimately why I only have two. I would gladly do the baby and little years again, but I just can't fathom adding another full sized human + all of their interests and busy schedule into my life.

DP. I agree with you, but I guess that I felt like once I figured out how to make my job work to get to 8am drop-off, random mid-day school events, 3pm pick-up, and choir and soccer practice in the evening, it didn’t really matter how many how many kids I was dropping off or picking up or taking to piano lessons.

In some ways 4 kids isn’t any harder than two.

Do you have 4?

Yes. They are 9, 11, 13, and 14.

Me, too, but I think 4 is definitely more work than 2! Maybe you have successfully had them all do the same activity, or nearby activities! (Mine are 19, 17, 14, 12)

It definitely is! But not because of work.

They do some of the same activities, but they are all old snout now to stay home alone for a half hour or so while I drop off a sibling, so it hasn’t been a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not me. But I want to throw something out there: it's always assumed in these kinds of threads that X family situation (particularly a lot of kids) is "too hard" or "too complicated" for both parents to be working.

Am I the only one for whom working is easier? My nanny's job is definitely harder than mine!

I work full time, so does my husband. We both have a lot of flexibility. I ostensibly work 40 hours a week, 9-5. But honestly, with breaks, and doing some personal tasks (laundry, phone calls, emails) I probably only put in about six hours a day (which I know research has show is about the high water mark for thought/strategic desk work, so I don't think I'm THAT far out of the mainstream). One of us works from home each day, the other is in the office (we alternate). I don't make a ton, but more than enough to cover the nanny. I have a baby and a toddler, and we'll probably have a third down the line. The nanny keeps the house straightened up.

If I were watching the kids all day, I'd be exhausted at days end, and with no folded laundry to show for it.

I know I'm lucky that my job isn't that stressful and we can afford a nanny. But I don't think this is a total unicorn situation. Am I missing something here?

How old are your kids? I used to feel like you and I still believe that my kids early years were easier for me working (and them in daycare) than if I had stayed at home. So I agree. But, now that my kids are school aged I'm realizing just how much the world is not set up for two working parents. Camps end at 4 pm. School events are at 10 am. Practices are at 5 pm. My work day is the easiest part of the day but sometimes I feel like I'm running all over town trying to keep up with it all and I only have two.

If my kids were in school 9-3 and then I was actually available in the afternoon for pickups, homework, extracurriculars, etc, I'm convinced that would be easier than my current situation. But when they were 1 and 3? Yeah hell no you couldn't drag me away from my job if you tried. It was my lifeline in those years.

Anyway this is ultimately why I only have two. I would gladly do the baby and little years again, but I just can't fathom adding another full sized human + all of their interests and busy schedule into my life.

DP. I agree with you, but I guess that I felt like once I figured out how to make my job work to get to 8am drop-off, random mid-day school events, 3pm pick-up, and choir and soccer practice in the evening, it didn’t really matter how many how many kids I was dropping off or picking up or taking to piano lessons.

In some ways 4 kids isn’t any harder than two.

Do you have 4?

Yes. They are 9, 11, 13, and 14.

Me, too, but I think 4 is definitely more work than 2! Maybe you have successfully had them all do the same activity, or nearby activities! (Mine are 19, 17, 14, 12)

It definitely is! But not because of work.

They do some of the same activities, but they are all old snout now to stay home alone for a half hour or so while I drop off a sibling, so it hasn’t been a huge deal.

Agree. This goes back to OP’s original question, too. Parents of four- or me at least- end up giving their kids more independence, and probably feel better about letting their kids be bored (while waiting for a sibling at a lesson or whatever).

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids, been a single parent for 11 years. At that time my kids were 17, 15, 12 and 5. I always worked full time, too depressing to stay home.
Solution, early morning wake ups. Always was up at 5, did the laundry, washed , folded and ready for ironing.Sunday nights everything that needed ironing got ironed and clothes for the week were hung on hangers, 7 choices per kid.
House was kept clean every day. Kitchen and bathrooms were done daily, floors mopped twice a week.
Lines changed 2 x a week.
Cleaning lady twice a month .
Fresh food every night, school lunches were made in the morning.
Woke kids at 6:46, breakfast and out for the day. Drove and picked up from school. Kids school ended at 4:30 . I was last in carpool which worked out perfectly.

I always did doctor , dentist etc , somehow things always work out.

Find your self good friends, for night time walks, conversations, coffee ....etc.

Working is good, things get accomplished, at home there is always laundry, meals to be made, things to do, different parts of satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids so not quite but we have a nanny. DH also has a fairly flexible schedule where he can leave early or duck out for an appointment, if necessary.

Nanny essentially serves as a sahm for us in terms of taking care of pick ups/drop offs during the day and caring for the kids not in school.

[Anonymous]

The former principal from Haycock ES does and her H is in biglaw. The answer is always lots of help.

[Anonymous]

What you're missing is the added expense with each kid. The question is whether one parent staying home outweighs the childcare costs. Some people really don't want to stay home, but they can't afford any additional kids otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:This is not me. But I want to throw something out there: it's always assumed in these kinds of threads that X family situation (particularly a lot of kids) is "too hard" or "too complicated" for both parents to be working.

Am I the only one for whom working is easier? My nanny's job is definitely harder than mine!

I work full time, so does my husband. We both have a lot of flexibility. I ostensibly work 40 hours a week, 9-5. But honestly, with breaks, and doing some personal tasks (laundry, phone calls, emails) I probably only put in about six hours a day (which I know research has show is about the high water mark for thought/strategic desk work, so I don't think I'm THAT far out of the mainstream). One of us works from home each day, the other is in the office (we alternate). I don't make a ton, but more than enough to cover the nanny. I have a baby and a toddler, and we'll probably have a third down the line. The nanny keeps the house straightened up.

If I were watching the kids all day, I'd be exhausted at days end, and with no folded laundry to show for it.

I know I'm lucky that my job isn't that stressful and we can afford a nanny. But I don't think this is a total unicorn situation. Am I missing something here?

[Anonymous]

It seems selfish to have that many kids without someone staying home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems selfish to have that many kids without someone staying home

It seems selfish to have any kids if you are going to divorce….
Sometimes things don’t work out the way that you planned.