Rant: why some siblings won't help with great elderly parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know that your parents were good to them, and you know a whole lot of other things, but you don't know why they don't want to help. I'm also surprised that you just cannot ask them if you really don't know why they don't want to help.
I hope I don't have to help my parents. My childhood was hell. My sister doesn't completelyagree though. She knows it was bad, but she was older and got out of the house sooner.

+1, if one of my siblings asked me "why don't you visit mom and dad more, why don't you help," I would give them a clear and detailed answer as to why I do not view that as my obligation nor in my best interest. Also, I would tell them that they are not obligated either, but it's up to them. I know my two older siblings rely financially on my parents for a lot of things and I think that motivates them quite a bit. I don't do this so it's not part of the equation for me.

But the point is, I would have no trouble explaining why I don't help. No one would have to wonder and there would be no passive aggressive cajoling to try and get me to help -- you can tell me what you think I need to do and I will decide for myself I that's something I'm willing to do. The end.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've used "help" way too many times without being specific about what the "help" is.

Maybe they don't see eye-to-eye on this "help". Or think it should be handled another way.