How hard is saying goodbye, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised nobody mentioned this already.

I think a lot of it depends on the relationship that you have with your spouse. If you are in a happy marriage, it will be almost like a second honeymoon. You can go out for fun dinners and have loud sex. You won't be arguing over the kids.

If you're in a more challenging relationship then it will magnify that.

Not all parents are in relationships . I wish people would be more inclusive when they make comments like this.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I was you, exactly, this time last summer, sending my only off to school. My heart was both soaring with pride and broken.

The first few weeks were tough for me--I cried more than a few times. You mark the calendar and look forward to parents weekend or homecoming or some other upcoming holiday time together. And then you make the most of that time. Summer break is halfway complete and while I have really been enjoying having DS around day-to-day (before or after work), funny thing is, he's looking forward to getting back to school! Thinking back on my summers home from college, so was I. big hugs!

[Anonymous]

Agree upon a communication plan ahead of time, so you are on the same page (in terms of expectations). Otherwise, you might be waiting and worrying, or feel disappointed/hurt.

I asked that my kid call at least once a week, at a time that worked for her schedule. And that of course could change. Sometimes she had less than a half hour, but sometimes we spoke for 3. It helped me to know I would have that update on her life.

(And she often wound up texting in between).

You can do this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high schooler is at camp for two weeks and I’m counting down the days. Doesn’t bode well for me….

Same. I was thinking how am I going to handle college when I'm struggling with sleep away camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have just one child. The saying goodbye was easier than the lead up (since I was so mournful much of the summer!).
On the day of dropoff, my DD was so excited that I could only be happy for her. Also, I was surprised to feel a certain prude and satisfaction as a parent. A lot of work had gone into getting her to this phase of life. She had options for college and won a good scholarship. A job well done on both of our parts.

The hard part is when they are gone. The house is quiet. Life much less hectic. Early in though, They do really come home a lot and are there for months at a time. That requires some adjustment though on both parts.

So, you are experiencing a real transition. I loved parenting my child, and fear it was the happiest phase of my life. Still, I am so lucky to have a healthy, good kid. There are more happy and proud moments ahead together. We (as parents of adults) just have to build a life that is less kid-centered. I am still working on that.

Congratulations to your son.

* pride, not prude 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have just one child. The saying goodbye was easier than the lead up (since I was so mournful much of the summer!).
On the day of dropoff, my DD was so excited that I could only be happy for her. Also, I was surprised to feel a certain prude and satisfaction as a parent. A lot of work had gone into getting her to this phase of life. She had options for college and won a good scholarship. A job well done on both of our parts.

The hard part is when they are gone. The house is quiet. Life much less hectic. Early in though, They do really come home a lot and are there for months at a time. That requires some adjustment though on both parts.

So, you are experiencing a real transition. I loved parenting my child, and fear it was the happiest phase of my life. Still, I am so lucky to have a healthy, good kid. There are more happy and proud moments ahead together. We (as parents of adults) just have to build a life that is less kid-centered. I am still working on that.

Congratulations to your son.

This

[Anonymous]

I guess it helps that I don’t have the sweetest teen, she could be pretty mean and selfish, I would be worry about her still

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he was gone "for weeks" at sleepaway camp this won't be all that much different. Why was he gone "for weeks" at camp?

In early high school he did 3-4 week hiking/camping camps for a few summers so was out on the trails for several weeks with no communication. It was an amazing, transformative experience for him and, as a side note, I highly recommend it if your kids are up for it.

[Anonymous]

The summer I sent my oldest to college, a teenager in my community was killed in a terrible accident. I realized how lucky I was to be able to send my son off to school and then out into the world to be his own person, and how many parents don't get that chance. What was a sad thing became celebratory. Keep it all in perspective.

[Anonymous]

ugh and my DD (who just finished freshman year) said she is hoping to stay in her college's town next summer for an internship. Well you treasure the time you have with them, and build a life without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The summer I sent my oldest to college, a teenager in my community was killed in a terrible accident. I realized how lucky I was to be able to send my son off to school and then out into the world to be his own person, and how many parents don't get that chance. What was a sad thing became celebratory. Keep it all in perspective.

Same here. And my DD launched last year after being stuck at home all of senior year. I was so ready for her to move on and I was so happy for her (I also got a lot of extra time with her that year). In my view, it's not as bad as I thought. I love having her home this summer. She's just awesome and I didn't suffer after dropping her off. Just force yourself to be excited and pick up some new hobbies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dreading it too. I'm a single mom and my DD is the person I am closest to, so it's going to be a huge adjustment. I know we'll talk a lot and she's only going to be a few hours away, so at least at first, I'm sure we'll see her pretty often.

I am trying to focus on the positives for both of us, like increased independence for her and for me, getting to spend more time with my younger DC. I've also filled up my schedule to keep busy -- I'm ramping up my volunteer work and starting graduate classes in addition to working full-time.

That sounds like great plans. Will probably be a huge adjustment and kudos to you for leaning in and trying to make it as best as possible from your end.

Good luck to both of you this fall!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The summer I sent my oldest to college, a teenager in my community was killed in a terrible accident. I realized how lucky I was to be able to send my son off to school and then out into the world to be his own person, and how many parents don't get that chance. What was a sad thing became celebratory. Keep it all in perspective.

Sadly I know a number of kids who died in senior summers - two of them were cousins (separate incidents) and three died in car crashes. Another friend lost her DC the same age as my youngest in early teens due to illness. I've tried to embrace the gratitude of being able to have made it here and to keep these other families in my heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only child will be leaving for college in just over a month and it is breaking my heart at the thought of him not being around day to day. The older he’s gotten the more I actually enjoy him as a person so it feels like a huge loss. I know this is a normal part of life and part of important growth into an adult but emotionally knowing that the concentrated time I have with him is coming to an end makes me very sad. He has been to sleep away camps in the past where I didn’t have contact with him for weeks, but I knew I would get him back after that. I know he will likely still text me most days, and we will talk on the phone, but I will miss the day to day incidental experiences and conversations. For those of you who have gone through this, how hard is the separation really? Am I working myself up over something that won’t be as hard as I think it will be? Any words of comfort greatly appreciate it!

Didn't read the thread.

In my case, very, very hard.

I'm about to send my youngest off to college, and it's going to be tough. My house will be very quiet, and the emptiness will echo through all the rooms. My older kids moved out during the past two years, so it's really, really hard for me. I'm in school now, training for a new profession, so I have much to occupy my days, but I've really enjoyed having my youngest at home for the past five years (much younger than the older ones).

I've been counting the days until my child leaves for college (six weeks to go), and I've been crying most days when I think about it. I don't let my child see anything but encouragement and excitement that my child is going to college soon.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you, OP. It is HARD. And I've gone through it twice before (four times if you include moving my older kids into their first apartments).

My advice: Hug and run. Cry in your car, but don't let your kid see you're sad. They're staring on a whole new adventure! They'll be different when they come home -- you'll see. More mature, more interesting.

It's a difficult transition, and I'm doing my best, but, for me, it's not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also have just one child. The saying goodbye was easier than the lead up (since I was so mournful much of the summer!).
On the day of dropoff, my DD was so excited that I could only be happy for her. Also, I was surprised to feel a certain prude and satisfaction as a parent. A lot of work had gone into getting her to this phase of life. She had options for college and won a good scholarship. A job well done on both of our parts.

The hard part is when they are gone. The house is quiet. Life much less hectic. Early in though, They do really come home a lot and are there for months at a time. That requires some adjustment though on both parts.

So, you are experiencing a real transition. I loved parenting my child, and fear it was the happiest phase of my life. Still, I am so lucky to have a healthy, good kid. There are more happy and proud moments ahead together. We (as parents of adults) just have to build a life that is less kid-centered. I am still working on that.

Congratulations to your son.

This is exactly right. But parenting is so all-consuming, overwhelming when they're young and difficult as they pull away into adulthood. It's hard to build a non-kid-centered life while they're at home, but when they leave, the emptiness is so painful.

I'm doing my best to fill up my time, but it is a difficult transition. Your kids are the focus of your life for 18 years, and then you have to let them grow up. Sure you'll see them, but their childhood is over, and that's sad.