How hard is saying goodbye, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here, forgot to mention that I planned a trip to Paris over Christmas break as something to look forward to and to have fun planning while my kids were at school. It was a great thing, that really brought us back together after that first semester away.

The first 6 weeks are the hardest, then we had fall break and then the length of time until Thanksgiving is pretty short and they started exams pretty much right after they got back to school. It went pretty quick from late September on. Spring semester seemed longer, but again the summer has been wonderfully long and I have enjoyed spending time with each kid just like the "old days"

I went and helped my DD moved some stuff into her new apartment at school yesterday, shopped, had lunch and many laughs and then came home and watched a movie with my DS. So yeah, they don't just disappear forever.

I’m planning to visit Europe the first fall they go away and throw myself into some dream projects. I know I’ll be sad and I know having projects will help me adjust.

[Anonymous]

I’m dreading it.

My kid is very independent so I know he will be fine.

Like a pp suggested, I already booked a big 12 night family trip over winter break so I’ll have my family unit together.

[Anonymous]

Mine started fall of 2020 so we were not sure that her campus would be open until mid June. We were relieved that she got to have something of a college experience. Several of her friends did not get to go to their college in person until second semester or even sophomore year.

[Anonymous]

I always say that being sad when one says goodbye is a good thing as it means there is lots of love.

[Anonymous]

They come back in no time

[Anonymous]

Single/divorced mom of an only DS starting college next month. I am so afraid of the loneliness that's coming that cannot be replaced by trips or new hobbies or girlfriends.

I mean, yes, I can and I will Take Up New Things and travel and call my sister more often. Maybe I'll do a Match.com profile in earnest. But distracting myself does not negate the fact that this chapter is over and I'm mourning that already.

DS is my favorite companion. (yes, I have a lot of friends and even a full handful of truly close ones. But DS is my favorite). We have spent so. much. time. together since Feb 2020 due to Covid closures and lockdowns.*

I am so excited for his future without me that I feel like I could burst sometimes. This is what I've worked so hard for and I'm proud of him and also of me. I'll miss him like hell.



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* Not sure if this applies to any PPs, because a lot of the US wasn't as locked down as the DMV. So many months on end of just me and DS, who got along brilliantly throughout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single/divorced mom of an only DS starting college next month. I am so afraid of the loneliness that's coming that cannot be replaced by trips or new hobbies or girlfriends.

I mean, yes, I can and I will Take Up New Things and travel and call my sister more often. Maybe I'll do a Match.com profile in earnest. But distracting myself does not negate the fact that this chapter is over and I'm mourning that already.

DS is my favorite companion. (yes, I have a lot of friends and even a full handful of truly close ones. But DS is my favorite). We have spent so. much. time. together since Feb 2020 due to Covid closures and lockdowns.*

I am so excited for his future without me that I feel like I could burst sometimes. This is what I've worked so hard for and I'm proud of him and also of me. I'll miss him like hell.



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* Not sure if this applies to any PPs, because a lot of the US wasn't as locked down as the DMV. So many months on end of just me and DS, who got along brilliantly throughout.

I get it, I do. I have/had a great relationship with my kids and they were home for 18 months during COVID so yeah we took daily walks, ate dinners every night together, watched movies. Fact is though, time marches on and your DC will go to college and they will come back. Its hitting me right now that mine are leaving in about 5-6 weeks to go back and I am dreading Labor Day in particular. Normally holidays revolve around family time and it will just be me and DH. That said, have to just find something fun to do and get through it. I wasn't really sad when they went to school, seemed like a waste of that emotion but i was bored off my rocker so that's why adding in some activities and hobbies helped the time pass.

[Anonymous]

We had a good cry as we drove away after drop off of our daughter. She was allowed a car on campus as a freshman and was going right into Rush week the next day. This was last year. Her campus is four hours away and near the coast so it is much warmer and more humid there. She ended up having issues with mold in her dorm that affected her health. Because of silly Covid policies she would see an off campus urgent care because any symptom of covid would mean 10 days of quarantine.

One Friday I drove to visit and she met me after her last class ended at 12:30. We used it to have lunch and believe it or not we visited three apartment complexes because they start to fill up for the following year in October the prior year. Kids don’t know what questions to ask so this was an education for her.

Instead of visiting campus for parents weekend, we spent the weekend at a city on the coast. Driving her back and dropping her off, she didn’t even look back as we drove away.

My kid walked to class from her dorm and nearly daily she would call and talk to me on her walks back to her dorm. This continued in both semesters.

One thing she mentioned around Presidents’ Day when we went back to the city on the coast was that she would love to get a letter in her on campus mailbox from time to time. Not just Amazon packages. So from that point on, I wrote her two to three letters a week about the minutiae going on at home. She cherished them and I saw them neatly stacked up in her desk at move out.

She leaves in just over a week for work and spirit week before rush begins the first week of August. She is couch surfing since she cannot move in to her apartment until the 5th. We will drop off her stuff that weekend but won’t even see her as that is the height of rush week and bid day. She has every Friday off this semester but with the price of gas, we don’t expect to see her until ThanksgivingZ

While we will always be her parents, we have worked ourselves out of a job!

[Anonymous]

Oh yes we ^ mentioned, my DD called me often while walking to class. The only downside was if I had to be on a work call and missed it. She would call pretty much Monday through Thursday and then the weekend was too busy.

[Anonymous]

NP. All of these comments are so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody is different, OP. For me, honestly, it was very very hard. But it wasn't the loss of having those everyday conversations, but the loss of his childhoold and it all being over. It's been almost a year and I am still pretty depressed about it I don't have any advice, but maybe it won't be as hard as you think. Good luck!

NP: I think this will be me. Thanks to you and others for sharing your experiences.

[Anonymous]

We dropped our oldest off last year (‘21), and it wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought. High school during Covid was awful so I was just happy for a more normal college experience. Our relationship has definitely evolved - less contact at the very beginning as I’m sure there was a desire for kid to feel independent. Then we started talking 2 (sometimes 3) times a week. It was a great year all around (and yes, very happy to have kid home for the summer!).

[Anonymous]

My first and only is off to college this August. I am bawling at just reading this thread. So not ready and dreading the drop-off.

[Anonymous]

I was so happy for my son, my first, to go to college. He was so ready, so excited, so I was excited for him. When I got home I felt his absence strongly, and we all mourned his presence. You'll adjust.

[Anonymous]

My twins are only in 10th grade and i'm already dreading this. They are truly my favorite people in the world, while occasionally driving me to the edge of sanity. I have a third kid and as the time zips by faster each year I console myself that I have 5 years left with her.
Good luck to all of you launching a kid this fall. You have done well!