How hard is saying goodbye, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They come back in no time

Not mine.

She became SO independent, and I didn't see that coming. A taste of freedom and independence at an OOS school and she was hooked on her new life. She wasn't fleeing anything- home life was great, but she was more than ready to be away after senior year doing school from her bedroom. Saw her for a few weeks over winter break, and that was it. She went off with friends for Spring break and has an internship away this summer. I thought she'd come back, at least for breaks and the summer. The total independence has been a hard adjustment for me.

[Anonymous]

So envious of those of you who will still have a child at home. My youngest will be leaving for freshman year next month and I truly don’t know what I will do. She is my “favorite person” and we have such a great time together - she will leave a huge void when she leaves. So happy for her - and sad for us.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor got a therapy dog when her only son went off to college

I got me a dog when my only kid did. Now she's graduated and will be going away for her first job, 400 miles away, OP's feelings are sinking in.

[Anonymous]

My DD is a rising college junior and did not spend either summer at home after high school and already has plans for next summer away. Her college is about 9 hour drive and it seems like a whole different world. It is sad. Now my youngest is getting ready to go and I know it will be equally sad but I think I am more prepared for the emptiness this time. It really sneaks up on you quickly -- the timing between getting drivers license and leaving for college. But part of life.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised nobody mentioned this already.

I think a lot of it depends on the relationship that you have with your spouse. If you are in a happy marriage, it will be almost like a second honeymoon. You can go out for fun dinners and have loud sex. You won't be arguing over the kids.

If you're in a more challenging relationship then it will magnify that.

[Anonymous]

Empty nester now - I dreaded the first one leaving and choked up all summer thinking about it, but the actual drop off was fine - he was SO excited it was infectious. Second one - 4 years later - same thing. I missed them, but they were both thriving so that set the tone.

Try to concentrate on the positive - they are off on an adventure you prepared them for!

When they are in college, you will still see them/hear from them pretty regularly.

And, there are some positives of the empty nest for sure - whether single parent or partnered - less responsibilities, less teenage drama, more free time - recommend you take back up hobbies you may have given up or try new ones, eat whatever you want for dinner, watch whatever you want on tv, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My only child will be leaving for college in just over a month and it is breaking my heart at the thought of him not being around day to day. The older he’s gotten the more I actually enjoy him as a person so it feels like a huge loss. I know this is a normal part of life and part of important growth into an adult but emotionally knowing that the concentrated time I have with him is coming to an end makes me very sad. He has been to sleep away camps in the past where I didn’t have contact with him for weeks, but I knew I would get him back after that. I know he will likely still text me most days, and we will talk on the phone, but I will miss the day to day incidental experiences and conversations. For those of you who have gone through this, how hard is the separation really? Am I working myself up over something that won’t be as hard as I think it will be? Any words of comfort greatly appreciate it!

Make this about him and not you. It makes it a lot easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They come back in no time

Not mine.

She became SO independent, and I didn't see that coming. A taste of freedom and independence at an OOS school and she was hooked on her new life. She wasn't fleeing anything- home life was great, but she was more than ready to be away after senior year doing school from her bedroom. Saw her for a few weeks over winter break, and that was it. She went off with friends for Spring break and has an internship away this summer. I thought she'd come back, at least for breaks and the summer. The total independence has been a hard adjustment for me.

Mine went to West Coast.
Didn't even come back for Thanksgiveing.
Still Wiinter break came so fast.

Then Spring break came fast, then now Summer break already

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only child will be leaving for college in just over a month and it is breaking my heart at the thought of him not being around day to day. The older he’s gotten the more I actually enjoy him as a person so it feels like a huge loss. I know this is a normal part of life and part of important growth into an adult but emotionally knowing that the concentrated time I have with him is coming to an end makes me very sad. He has been to sleep away camps in the past where I didn’t have contact with him for weeks, but I knew I would get him back after that. I know he will likely still text me most days, and we will talk on the phone, but I will miss the day to day incidental experiences and conversations. For those of you who have gone through this, how hard is the separation really? Am I working myself up over something that won’t be as hard as I think it will be? Any words of comfort greatly appreciate it!

Make this about him and not you. It makes it a lot easier.

This is the best advice. Hopefully your child will be really happy and excited. Doesn't mean they don't love you ... just that they are ready for the next step. Try to take your cues from him and know that you did a good job. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

My high schooler is at camp for two weeks and I’m counting down the days. Doesn’t bode well for me….

[Anonymous]

Make this about him and not you. It makes it a lot easier.

OP here. At first this seemed a bit curt and cold, but it's actually really helpful! I was thinking a bit more abstractly about the new experiences he'll have, but when I really focus on how exciting this time is for him I feel better. I'll still cry and miss him terribly, but it is softened when I think about him living this new adventure.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful advice and commiseration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make this about him and not you. It makes it a lot easier.

OP here. At first this seemed a bit curt and cold, but it's actually really helpful! I was thinking a bit more abstractly about the new experiences he'll have, but when I really focus on how exciting this time is for him I feel better. I'll still cry and miss him terribly, but it is softened when I think about him living this new adventure.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful advice and commiseration.

I will say, I am one of the PP's whose kids were very communicative throughout the year. It was fun hearing all the things they did, and learning about how they have grown through those experiences. I only struggle with being bored when they are not here, DH is boring, job is boring... but that's my problem, not theirs.

[Anonymous]

I have one about to go off and am really appreciating this thread. So nice to have reflection and advice that focuses on compassion and support rather than the usual dcum snark.

Thanks, All.

[Anonymous]

If he was gone "for weeks" at sleepaway camp this won't be all that much different. Why was he gone "for weeks" at camp?

[Anonymous]

I also have just one child. The saying goodbye was easier than the lead up (since I was so mournful much of the summer!).
On the day of dropoff, my DD was so excited that I could only be happy for her. Also, I was surprised to feel a certain prude and satisfaction as a parent. A lot of work had gone into getting her to this phase of life. She had options for college and won a good scholarship. A job well done on both of our parts.

The hard part is when they are gone. The house is quiet. Life much less hectic. Early in though, They do really come home a lot and are there for months at a time. That requires some adjustment though on both parts.

So, you are experiencing a real transition. I loved parenting my child, and fear it was the happiest phase of my life. Still, I am so lucky to have a healthy, good kid. There are more happy and proud moments ahead together. We (as parents of adults) just have to build a life that is less kid-centered. I am still working on that.

Congratulations to your son.