So fed up with my kid who won't eat anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She is 5.

Those of you suggesting it's ARFID -- can this be diagnosed even if she is a healthy weight and following a healthy growth pattern? She's never been underweight (or overweight -- always just right at the 50% target for weight/height) and has no signs of anemia or malnutrition. She definitely has signs of anxiety around meals/food though. And the symptom about "vague complaints about digestive issues" is spot on. She often talks about her stomach hurting but there's never any clear cause except occasionally needing to go to the bathroom. But yeah, I hear "my tummy hurts" probably 4 or 5 days a week.

I will talk to the pediatrician about this, but just out of curiosity, what does treatment for ARFID look like? Is it something you medicate or is it just behavioral therapy? Just wondering if there are things I could now that could help, in case it takes a while to get a diagnosis or we don't get one. I'm definitely at a point of desperation.

I'd try an allergist too so you can avoid things that upset her stomach. They can test multiple foods so you can pinpoint exactly where the problems are. Dairy and wheat are major allergens that are often missed in a child that young. Have her checked for dairy allergies and celiac.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like a kid who is controlling what she can control. First thing I’d do is look for ways to give her choices and autonomy in other parts of her life. Doesn’t matter what she wears, let her choose activities. If it really doesn’t matter leave it up to her.

[Anonymous]

https://www.medainc.org/resources-2/about-eating-disorders/#:~:text=ARFID%20is%20a%20restrictive%20eating%20disorder%20in%20the,does%20not%20involve%20any%20fear%20of%20gaining%20weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid eats:
PB&J
Pasta that he dips in hummus
Bacon
Yogurt with granola
Apples (2-4 per day)
Chicken nuggets
Raw baby spinach
Quesadilla
Cheese and crackers
Pizza
Cantaloupe
mango
cucumber slices
Muffins
Toaster waffles

That’s pretty much it. No burgers or hot dogs. No sandwiches.
No sauces on food. No dipping sauce except hummus.
Ped says he eats too many food for feeding therapy. We just let him eat from his rotation. On the bright side - he can and will eat the same thing every day. When we were home for the early pandemic, he ate PB&J, apple slices, and milk for lunch every day from mid-March until the end of June. 7 days a week. When he was 3 or 4, I made him Annie’s Mac and cheese every day for 6 months.

OP here. My kid is similar but the list is similar. It's more like:

PB&J
Mac & cheese (sometimes, only if from the box)
Yogurt with fruit and/or granola
Apples
Berries
Cheese and crackers (sometimes won't eat the cheese)
Muffins (any baked good really)
Toaster waffles
Corn (sometimes)
Mangos (in a smoothy)
Bananas (in a smoothy)
Citrus fruit (definitely in a smoothy, and sometimes also on its own)
Rice
Beans (sometimes)

No veggies, no pizza, no quesadillas, and the proteins are soooo limited. She does drink milk so that helps a bit, but I have been getting worried that she may have lactose intolerance issues because she complains of digestive issues frequently.

Not sure if this is limited enough for intervention. But still interested to know what an intervention would look like.

Nothing wrong with the list of what she eats and no with a list like that she isn’t going to meet the diagnostic criteria for needing feeding therapy. From what you listed, she is getting the standard basic nutritional needs met by willingly eating them.

Let it go for now. Just make these things and serve them and stop talking about and begging her to try new food. Offer her a taste every now and then but if she declines shrug it off.

Why lactose intolerance? Does she experience constipation or diarrhea? Bloating? Lots of gas?

Have you ruled out celiac?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm seeing lists by folks of mostly breakfast and snack foods, although the snacks include fruit. I wonder if your kids have not been exposed to cooked meals for dinner 5-6 days a week that are kid friendly? Not trying to be snarky. Exposure is key to adding new foods.

Did you read anything the OP wrote? She cooks every day. She offers her child a variety of meals. Stop with the sanctimommy, it's not applicable here, a-hole.

OP here, and thank you. Like I started by simply offering my kid cereal and yogurt and then called it a day! Some people.

OP, like others have said, you need a feeding specialist at this point. If feeding (or not feeding as the case may be) your 5 yo is absorbing 90% of your mental energy, that's not healthy. I'm not too disturbed by your post because your kid is still average for weight, but there's some psychosocial drama going on that a specialist can give you pointers on.

[Anonymous]

I have a 7 year old is a very picky eater. It drives me crazy. I always have boiled chicken/ beef/ ribs ready in case she does not like what the rest of us are eating.

Fortunately, she loves fruits( bananas, apples, oranges, cherries, berries etc). So she would eat fruits and boiled meat almost everyday. That's all she eats most of the time.

[Anonymous]

My son was similar to this and I wish I had gotten help for him. He now has a full blown eating disorder. Ironically he will eat almost anything now as long as it is served from a dietitian. But he has major OCD/anxiety about food now and it is taking over our lives and ruining his.

[Anonymous]

You have to just try hard not to stress over it. Make what you want to make. If she starts whining, say “there are other choices on the snack shelf. Feel free to take what you want.” And then disengage. Don’t even look at what she eats or comment on it. If she whines, “I’m hungry” at a random time, say “grab something!” You have to try to disengage. I think you’re ramping up the stress here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like you are the problem it could be anxiety related for her. But what non meat proteins have you tried? Will she eat black beans? My kid loves them on tortilla cheese with some shredded cheese with it all stuck under the broiler for 2 mins. Apple with PB and honey is a favorite snack of hers too. If she won’t touch meat look at no meat options…. Eggs, try different ways of cooking them, my kid won’t eat a fried egg by itself for example but loves it on a mini bagel. French toast, loves it.

OP here and I hear you. She stopped eating meat around 3.5 and non-meat proteins have become a big focus. She used to consistently eat beans but that's actually what prompted my frustrations today -- I meal prepped rice and beans for her this week which is usually one of our go-tos, and then both yesterday and today she rejected it, and told me she doesn't like how beans taste anymore, and picked at the rice. Losing that is such a blow -- we're down to yogurt, peanut butter, nuts, and a few protein-fortified foods now. And milk. But again, looking at maybe there being lactose intolerance, which cuts us down peanut butter and nuts, and I can't send peanut butter to school or camp.

Thinking about this makes me so exhausted.

Will she eat almond butter? Mac and cheese with puréed white beans? Edamame or fried tofu?

Almond butter, yes. Any nut or seed butter, actually -- we do sunbutter and wow butter for school lunches, and peanut/almond butter or hazelnut spread at home. Edamame is hit or miss -- we do it a lot as a snack or with dinner and sometimes she will eat a few if they are warm and seasoned. Tofu has been a failure -- she hates the texture (I actually do too, so I can't blame her). I'll try the pureed white beans -- that's a new one for me but I could see it working if I incorporate it well.

Do you think it might be sensory/texture related? I have this issue, I don't like most meat because I don't like the texture. I don't have any solutions for you, but just wanted to put that out there as a reason she might not like meat.

Oh, it's definitely texture related -- that's a huge part of it. She's a sensitive kid and it's texture, smell, and visual, too. I think the reason bread/baked goods are so popular with her is that they have predictable and consistent texture and color.

I have a child with ARFID. We did a lot “ right” and my child ate foods that were not typical for children with ARFID but she still met the diagnostic criteria because of the social impact to her and our family. At this age treatment is with a therapist and typically exposure therapy. Talk to your pediatrician about what to do- our dr says when you are out of ideas it’s time for help. You can have a formal assessment for ARFID or other disorders at Kennedy Krieger but it will take a long time. You can start feeding therapy with out a diagnosis though, we did my DD first feeding evaluation when she was a preschooler at the Pediatric Developmen Center in Rockville. They started her in play based exposure therapy based on the evaluation. She also did not eat meat and it turned out to be related to the feeling of gagging because she didn’t chew well enough - it’s fairly common for picky eaters.

I also just want to say that all the good things you are doing are not in vain. You are developing a great foundation for her and with time and possibly professional help she will do better. At this age you are very much fighting biology. If I could go back in time I would work on my own anxiety around my feelings of failure and anxiety for my child’s future because they really were counter productive. Obviously you are not going to give up here but the more it’s a focus and source of attention for your family, it can actually stress out your kid and make things harder. My kid is allowed fruit and veggies any time no questions asked. If she’s hungry because she didn’t eat something it’s fine, it’s really not that stressful because she can eat another choice.

[Anonymous]

My son was really picky when he was 3-4 y.o. Would basically only eat oatmeal, toast, and milk. So, we made those things available to him and also continued to present him with other foods which he mostly refused. As he got older (he's 6 now) he started trying more things, and now he eats well. In retrospect, I think it was hard for him to chew and swallow, and he outgrew those issues.

I have not read the whole thread, but it does not sound like your kid needs specialists or therapists. It sounds like she needs a vitamin, ready access to reasonably healthful versions of whatever she will eat (whole wheat toast, for example), and time to grow up.

You might also get a copy of the book "Bread and Jam for Francis." It's about a kid (well, actually, a badger) who only wants to eat bread and jam. I loved it when I was a kid, and my kids (including the formerly picky eater) also enjoyed it.

[Anonymous]

No advice really, just commiseration from someone whose 6 yo DD sounds very very similar and has an extremely similar list of foods. We did have pasta for a really long time until just a few weeks ago - and she ate gf lentil, bean, rice, and pea pasta so I felt her diet had some diversity. A true mealtime nightmare. I’m not a sahm and feeding her at school, camp, and daycare has been a lifelong struggle too. She’s also never fallen off the weight curve, always average and even slightly above because the limited range of foods she’ll eat she does eat with gusto. TONS of whining about hunger, history of big tantrums and behavior issues around mealtime. She will do hotdogs (no bun) so we can dine out if there’s a kids menu. French fries are the only form of potato she will even look at. The rest of the family eats just fine. We are headed down the diagnostic road with celiac testing and some regular old therapy for suspected anxiety and ocd as a first stop so I will post back with any enlightenment.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a sensory processing disorder.

[Anonymous]

My now-adult DS was similar, OP, even down to the triple cream Brie! I stressed about it a lot and then just fed him what he would eat, over and over, a la Bread and Jam for Frances. And kept making “normal” meals for everyone else. Eventually his nose led him to try new things.

He is now an adventurous eater, but she is still very discerning. Turns out he is a “super taster” - still can’t “sneak” in things he does not like to a dish - he can taste the faintest bit of cilantro in a salsa.

So long as your child is growing, it will be OK. Add a vitamin and don’t let this battle get larger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and thank you to those of you with older kids sharing your similar experiences. I know it seems like I'm arguing with people but I'm really looking for solutions. It is helpful to hear how others have done it. And just to hear that it does get better and your kids are healthy and even, at some point, more normal (or even adventurous) eaters. It is a useful counterpoint to the people I encounter who are like "my kid loves salad, beets, mahi-mahi, lentils, and rosemary focaccia -- have you tried serving those?"

I hear you OP. I have 2 kids. The 6 year old eats most things and willing to try new foods. The 3 year old is carbs, fruit and cheese and one type of meatball. I serve dinner and always have a cheese stick/meatball option for the little one. She eats that and can see everything else. Putting new food on her plate results in her throwing it. So i do little bowls/muffin cups of "exposure foods" which she doesn't touch. I just cant worry about it as shes getting nutrition. With an older kid, i would talk about what our bodies need to mot feel hungry longer and thats usually protein and work with her on figuring out what types of things she can eat to keep from being hungry longer. Is your kid constipated at all? That would cause frequent belly aches as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm seeing lists by folks of mostly breakfast and snack foods, although the snacks include fruit. I wonder if your kids have not been exposed to cooked meals for dinner 5-6 days a week that are kid friendly? Not trying to be snarky. Exposure is key to adding new foods.

I'm seeing a post by someone who didn't read the thread.