So fed up with my kid who won't eat anything

[Anonymous]

I wonder how OP is doing today. The OP post is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

As someone who has parented a kid with a pretty severe eating issue, the bolded things are not what most people who work with children with feeding challenges recommend.

Here is what we've been told.

1) Meals and snacks are offered on a predictable schedule, and the options for the child to pick between are chosen by the adult. Self-selecting and self-serving snack items is very much not recommended. Kids need to arrive at meals hungry and not starving. When they complain about being hungry you say "Snack time is coming soon." you don't give food in that moment.

2) Meals aren't plated. Things are served family style. So, the "small portions" doesn't apply since that assumes an adult is plating the food.

3) Serve a variety of food. Include at least one food your kid has willingly eaten before. Not many foods, and not always a favorite food. Serve food "considerately" in that you offer pasta before the sauce is put on.

This won't work for all families. It requires a parent who can prepare sit down, family style meals from scratch, daily. It is not realistic for families like mine, for instance, where one parent dies not get home until 7pm,

It also won't work well for kids who become more stubborn the more rigid you are. I have a kid like this. This approach would not work for them. They would simply starve themselves. They must be given options and some amount of control over their food or they won't eat.

I didn't say anything about "from scratch", or about both parents being here. Presumably someone is watching your 5 year old. Realistically, that person can have them sit down at a scheduled time with food. That is not a reason to have a 5 year old free ranging from a shelf full of snacks, and then arriving at dinner not hungry.

Plating your kid's food, which OP is doing, is more rigid than serving family style. Putting a few options on the table and letting your kid choose is not rigid. Always including a food that's a treat for your kid, is not going to help them eat. OP's kid will do better if there's always milk, and always another food that they've eaten. But it's fine if sometimes the whole meal is things they like, and other times, rice or bread is the only thing that they eat. Always providing lots of options that they like, and including a favorite food will make it less likely for them to try the new things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

As someone who has parented a kid with a pretty severe eating issue, the bolded things are not what most people who work with children with feeding challenges recommend.

Here is what we've been told.

1) Meals and snacks are offered on a predictable schedule, and the options for the child to pick between are chosen by the adult. Self-selecting and self-serving snack items is very much not recommended. Kids need to arrive at meals hungry and not starving. When they complain about being hungry you say "Snack time is coming soon." you don't give food in that moment.

2) Meals aren't plated. Things are served family style. So, the "small portions" doesn't apply since that assumes an adult is plating the food.

3) Serve a variety of food. Include at least one food your kid has willingly eaten before. Not many foods, and not always a favorite food. Serve food "considerately" in that you offer pasta before the sauce is put on.

This won't work for all families. It requires a parent who can prepare sit down, family style meals from scratch, daily. It is not realistic for families like mine, for instance, where one parent dies not get home until 7pm,

It also won't work well for kids who become more stubborn the more rigid you are. I have a kid like this. This approach would not work for them. They would simply starve themselves. They must be given options and some amount of control over their food or they won't eat.

I didn't say anything about "from scratch", or about both parents being here. Presumably someone is watching your 5 year old. Realistically, that person can have them sit down at a scheduled time with food. That is not a reason to have a 5 year old free ranging from a shelf full of snacks, and then arriving at dinner not hungry.

Plating your kid's food, which OP is doing, is more rigid than serving family style. Putting a few options on the table and letting your kid choose is not rigid. Always including a food that's a treat for your kid, is not going to help them eat. OP's kid will do better if there's always milk, and always another food that they've eaten. But it's fine if sometimes the whole meal is things they like, and other times, rice or bread is the only thing that they eat. Always providing lots of options that they like, and including a favorite food will make it less likely for them to try the new things.

OP never said she always includes a treat. She said she makes sure to include familiar foods, including at least one food she knows the child will eat. She never claimed to be providing "lots of options they like" (the whole issue here is that the child doesn't like very many foods) or that she made sure one was a favorite or treat item.

Also, plating food isn't rigid. One thing we learned from our food therapist is that kids with a lot of food refusal are often overwhelmed by large portions of food. It's not approachable. If they already have anxiety about food, looking at a whole dish of Mac and cheese or bowl of brussel sprouts will just feel like too much and they will refuse it all. But if you make a plate with a small serving of each, as well as whatever else is being served with the meal, they may or may not eat some, but it won't feel overwhelming. And they get accustomed to seeing different foods on their plate, and it can help overcome smell and color aversions simply via exposure.

Also, having healthy snacks like fruit or hummus available for self serve is unlikely to result in kids who are too full to eat. OP said her kid actually complains of being hungry all the time, so the issue doesn't seem to be too much snacking. For a child like this, having some healthy options available will encourage her to respond to her own hunger cues with healthy options. You can also say "no snacking an hour before dinner" or similar in order to ensure hunger during meals. I think it's very controlling to not allow kids to access ANY foods on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's picky, she picks at her food, everything is too hot or too cold or too medium, she likes things one day and then not the next, she likes a food and then doesn't like how it's prepared. She complains constantly that she is hungry but then won't eat the food I give her. Part of it is that I do want her to eat healthy foods (if it were up to her she would simply eat baked goods for every meal, the occasional berry, no vegetables, and no proteins). We are not overly restrictive about anything. I read all the stuff about picky eating and do all the stuff you are supposed to do, including:

- composing meals that involve mostly familiar foods, including at least one I know she'll eat, in small portions
- Inviting her to cook with us and be active in preparing meals
- Making meals colorful and inviting
- Not pressuring her to eat anything, not having any banned foods
- Never talking about food as good or bad
- Never bribing her to eat
- Trying to make meals playful and fun
- Providing a shelf with a variety of healthy snack options for self-serve

And so on and so on. I'm so tired. All I hear all day long is "I'm hungry I'm hungry I'm hungry." I feel like 90% of my mental capacity is focused on trying to feed her. I'm waaaaaay passed trying to get her to eat meals with us (she simply will not, she won't eat cooked food, combined foods, anything with meat, any vegetables at all -- we tried this forever and every meal was an exhausting battle because she'd sit and and cry and refuse to touch anything on her plate). I don't do short order cook but I prepare meals from the set of foods she has been known to eat and then try to gently mix in new foods as we go to expand horizons.

But none of this has eliminated the food battles. Today she complained about wanting food literally from the moment she got up until I was tucking her into bed. Every meal I served her, she ate the one thing I knew she'd eat (a muffin, strawberries, some apple sauce), picked at the rest and complained. She told me she was hungry at bedtime so I let her have a piece of bread with butter but I'm honestly angry about it because I don't want my kid to be hungry but WHY IS SHE HUNGRY I DEDICATED MY WHOLE DAY TO FEEDING HER.

Just why. I cannot. I can't take the combination of refusing to eat everything but complaining constantly about being hungry. What the heck am I supposed to do here.

As someone who has parented a kid with a pretty severe eating issue, the bolded things are not what most people who work with children with feeding challenges recommend.

Here is what we've been told.

1) Meals and snacks are offered on a predictable schedule, and the options for the child to pick between are chosen by the adult. Self-selecting and self-serving snack items is very much not recommended. Kids need to arrive at meals hungry and not starving. When they complain about being hungry you say "Snack time is coming soon." you don't give food in that moment.

2) Meals aren't plated. Things are served family style. So, the "small portions" doesn't apply since that assumes an adult is plating the food.

3) Serve a variety of food. Include at least one food your kid has willingly eaten before. Not many foods, and not always a favorite food. Serve food "considerately" in that you offer pasta before the sauce is put on.

This won't work for all families. It requires a parent who can prepare sit down, family style meals from scratch, daily. It is not realistic for families like mine, for instance, where one parent dies not get home until 7pm,

It also won't work well for kids who become more stubborn the more rigid you are. I have a kid like this. This approach would not work for them. They would simply starve themselves. They must be given options and some amount of control over their food or they won't eat.

I didn't say anything about "from scratch", or about both parents being here. Presumably someone is watching your 5 year old. Realistically, that person can have them sit down at a scheduled time with food. That is not a reason to have a 5 year old free ranging from a shelf full of snacks, and then arriving at dinner not hungry.

Plating your kid's food, which OP is doing, is more rigid than serving family style. Putting a few options on the table and letting your kid choose is not rigid. Always including a food that's a treat for your kid, is not going to help them eat. OP's kid will do better if there's always milk, and always another food that they've eaten. But it's fine if sometimes the whole meal is things they like, and other times, rice or bread is the only thing that they eat. Always providing lots of options that they like, and including a favorite food will make it less likely for them to try the new things.

Also if the child is eating with just one caregiver, it is not practical to serve family style. That was my point -- your recommendations don't make sense for a lot of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been dealing with the same thing since 5 she is 8 now

And?

What have you tried?
Have you had professional consults?

It feeding the only issue or is it generalized anxiety about life?

[Anonymous]

Op, any updates or changes? Anything that has worked?